Uncensored English

Looking for a different angle on English language podcasts? Keiran the crazy Canadian goes where the other English podcasts don't... and more. Keiran and his native English guests discuss politically incorrect subjects as well as general English language, idioms, expressions, culture and more all while having natural unscripted conversations. This podcasts feature an educational exploration of language ranging from every day expressions, pop culture expressions, explicit language and anything in between. The podcast is geared towards adults students, professionals, university students as well as ESL teachers who want to step out of the "Safe Space" of the English language education community and have a little more fun. Join Keiran and his guests in their down to earth humorous conversations and learn to speak a more universal edgy form of English like a native! English ISN'T always PC!!!
RSS Feed Subscribe in iTunes
Uncensored English



All Episodes
Now displaying: Page 1
Sep 26, 2016

When I became certified to teach English they told me not to use children's book, movies, and tv shows. They said it was condescending. So I guess today I'll be condescending to you... let me know if you've found it useful!


*** Transcript *** 


Keiran: Hello everyone. Today on Uncensored English, I'm inside a tent with Michelle Leilani. How are you doing, Michelle?


Michelle: Good.


Keiran: What are we about to do?


Michelle: We're going to read some books.


Keiran: What book we’re going to read?


Michelle: We're going to read Miss Scary.


Keiran: And before we read the book I wanted to tell you guys that when I was taking my, what was it called CELTA Course, he told us not to read or show students kids' books or kids' cartoons because it was insulting or rude to the adults there. We're going to read this book and I want you guys to let me know what you think. Was there anything that you could have learned from this book?  All right. Are ready to read the book Michelle?


Michelle: Yes.


Keiran: Before we read the book can I ask you a few questions?


Michelle: Yes.


Keiran: Okay, what is your favorite color?


Michelle: Pink.


Keiran: Why?


Michelle: Because it's whiter and a little bit white.


Keiran: Okay, if you were any animal, what animal would you want to be?


Michelle: I want to be a giraffe.


Keiran: Why would you be a giraffe?


Michelle: Because then I have my neck and I could reach the leaves and eat them.


Keiran: You want to eat leaves?


Michelle: Yes.


Keiran: Why? They’re not yummy.


Michelle: But you know giraffe eat leaves.


Keiran: Okay. Are you scared of monsters?


Michelle: Yeah.


Keiran: What kinds of monster are scared of?


Michelle: Every monster.


Keiran: Okay. And what's your favorite thing to do when you're at home?


Michelle: My favorite thing is to spend time with my daddy, mommy.


Keiran: Ohhh. You’re such a cutie pie. Okay, let's read the book.  The book is called?


Michelle: Mr. Scary.


Keiran: No.


Michelle: Misis Scary.


Keiran: Little Miss Scary.


Michelle: Scary.


Keiran: Okay, open the book please. Let's read it. Little Miss Scary. "Little Miss Scary lived near the top of a mountain in a house called ‘Spooky Cottage’. When it was dark she would creep into the valley below, making sure that nobody saw her." Okay, next page.


Michelle: [inaudible] please [inaudible]


Keiran: No you hold it, okay? I'll hold it. Give it to me. Easier[?] [inaudible]. "And there she would wait very quietly until somebody came along. And when that somebody did, she would tiptoe up behind them, open her mouth wide and shout, BOO!” Is that a nice thing to do?


Michelle: No.


Keiran: And do you know why Little Miss Scary did this for fun. You see she loved to scare people more than anything else in the world. And she was very good at it. “She scared them stiff. BOO!”


Michelle: Look! There's a bug in here.


Keiran: It's okay. We’ll get it after. "She scared them out of their wits, BOO! She even scared them right out of their socks, BOO!" Who's that in the picture?


Michelle: Mr. Jelly?


Keiran: Is his socks falling off because he's so scared?


Michelle: Yes.


Keiran: Oh my God. That's crazy.


Michelle: Crazy-Daisy.


Keiran: Crazy-Daisy. "About a week ago Mr. Noisy went to see his friend Mr. Jelly. Mr. Noisy was worried because he hadn't heard from his friend for ages. When he got to Mr. Jelly's house, he knocked on the door. Spookily, the door swung open by itself. “Hello?”, called Mr. Noisy as softly as he could, which for you or me would have been a shout. Then he heard a chattering noise coming from the bedroom. Mr. Noisy found Mr. Jelly hiding under his bed his teeth chattering in fear. “Whatever's the...”, began Mr. Noisy. And then remembered himself, “Whatever's the matter Mr. Jelly?” “It's-it's-it's Little Miss Scary," chattered Mr. Jelly trembling in fear.  She-she-she-she keeps jumping out and shouting b-b-b-b-boo at me. Mr. Noisy made Mr. Jelly a cup of tea, calmed him down and told him what they were going to do. Just as it was getting dark, they hid behind a bush, behind the lane that led up to Mr. Jelly's house. They waited until they saw the Little Miss Scary's shadowy figure creeping past them. Then, Mr. Noisy and Mr. Jelly crept out from their hiding place, tiptoed up behind Little Miss Scary and at the tops of voices shouted, BOO! Now, the top of Mr. Noisy's voice is a very loud place, indeed. So loud that Little Miss Scary leaped 5 ft. in the air and when she came down, she ran for her life. She didn't stop running until she was hidden under her bed, in her bedroom, in Spooky Cottage at the top of the mountain. 'I don't think you'll be seeing so much of her for a long while, Mr. Jelly," chuckled to Mr. Noisy. "Mr. Jelly? Mr Jelly?" But there was no sign of Mr. Jelly either. Mr. Noisy chuckled again and walked back to Mr. Jelly's house to have a look under Mr. Jelly's bed." So Michelle, what did you think about that book?


Michelle: Good.


Keiran: Why was it good?


Michelle: Because it was and because my books are good because they're so sweet.


Keiran: And have you ever scared anyone like me Little Miss Scary did?


Michelle: BOO!


Keiran: Okay, not me. Did you scare anyone else?


Michelle: No.


Keiran: Did you ever scare your grandfather when he came home from work?


Michelle: With you.


Keiran: Yeah. What did we do?


Michelle: Um I was on the floor but he came in, we did BOO!


Keiran: Yes and where we're hiding?


Michelle: I don't know.


Keiran: [laugh] Okay. All right.


Michelle: [inaudible]


Keiran: That's the end of this story and this podcast, guys. This one was purely entertainment. I'm sure you could have gotten something out of the story though, even though that story is meant for kids. There's a lot of nice words and interesting language in it. So if you liked it, rate it, review it, let me know and maybe somehow I'll be able to get Michelle back on here. Michelle, how much do I have to pay you for this podcast?


Michelle: One dollar.


Keiran: More.


Michelle: Ten dollars.


Keiran: One million. Say one million dollars.


Michelle: One million dollars.


Keiran: Oh my God. One million dollars.


Michelle: Yes.


Keiran: How come?


Michelle: Because that - because that.


Keiran: Because that what?


Michelle: I don't know what.


Keiran: [laugh] All right. All right, say good night, Michelle.


Michelle: Good night [inaudible].


Keiran: And-


Michelle: I wants to read another one.

Keiran: Yes, that's one just for me and you. And we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of Uncensored....


Michelle: English.