Uncensored English

Looking for a different angle on English language podcasts? Keiran the crazy Canadian goes where the other English podcasts don't... and more. Keiran and his native English guests discuss politically incorrect subjects as well as general English language, idioms, expressions, culture and more all while having natural unscripted conversations. This podcasts feature an educational exploration of language ranging from every day expressions, pop culture expressions, explicit language and anything in between. The podcast is geared towards adults students, professionals, university students as well as ESL teachers who want to step out of the "Safe Space" of the English language education community and have a little more fun. Join Keiran and his guests in their down to earth humorous conversations and learn to speak a more universal edgy form of English like a native! English ISN'T always PC!!!
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Uncensored English



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Jul 28, 2016

*** Introduction ***

So we're sitting here in the parking lot in Kingston, with the windows up.

G: Kingston Jamaicaaa!

K: Not Kingston Jamaica.

G: Home of the, home of the radiclavs

M: mumbles

K: Yeah so we got the windows up to block out sound,

M: **Jibberish

K: Yeah so we're just going to shoot the shit, we're just going to have fun on this podcast. Ah so it was a three hour drive up here, how are you guys feeling?

G: It was terrible, it smelt like feet the entire way.

M: I feel great I didn't drive at all.

G: ahhhhh Keiran doesn't have a sense of smell, so the entire time he was like ah what a wonderful day.

M: He traded it for superpowers, he traded that sense for superpowers that he fights crime with.

G: It's so hot in this car.

M: It's really hot in this car.

G: I'm drinking some booze, so life is good, living la vida loca

K: Yeah I'm glad we're hear because Gabriel had a real bitchface on his face the whole time we were driving down here. Like he kept complaining like, he didn't know the 3 hour drive he's done about 4 other times before it was going to happen.

M: Real bitchface.

K: He's on his man period, that's what's going on with Gabriel. Max was good though.

G: I've been going through a bout of white privilege lately.

K: What's white privilege?

G: It's, ok. If you guys didn't know out there, the fans of Gabriel, I am a caucasian. Which means I am a white person. Which means that I feel that I'm entitled to a few things that other people aren't like quick drives to other cities. That is awful I refuse to

M: Hahaha

G: to ever, you know this is the last time I'm coming up here.

M: without a flight.

G: Yeah exactly

K: Yeah they're going to hire you to do your amazing 6 minutes. They should fly you down.

M: They should've flown you in. And they're going to give you no money.

G: Holy shit

M: Fuckin hot

G: Were not getting any money anyway, today.

M: I know. It's a career, you're starting your career.

G: Yah yah yah yah

K: Yah let's keep the windows closed.

M: Yeah let's keep the windows closed, yeah so it stays hot in here even though there's no cars around us.

K: alright, so Max what have you been up to in your life recently?

M: I recently divorced my wife of three years, she had enough of me, always teaching the kids how to do math.

G: Who was that girl that was in your snapchat?

M: What? Which one?

G: The Chinese one, she's like making your life. The only one on your snapchat

M: I have no idea what you're talking about

M: Oh her, she's like one of my best friends

K: THe only girl that ever agreed to pose with Matt, Max in a picture.

M: Yeah that was a friend of mine from high school, we're just friends. No nothing big going on with me. I'm not divorced. For all Max's fans I don't have as much privileged as much as Gabriel so I can handle car rides that take a long time.

G: Gabriel doesn't have privilege he lives with his mom in a crappy apartment in Parc-ex.

M: Yeah so somebody cooks for him, that's privilege.

K: Yeah for all those guys listening to the podcast outhere if you want to add Gabriel's mom on facebook.

G: No, don't

M: Follow me at MaxLemtweets.

G: I don't want a bunch of Russians adding my mom.


M: Uh, that's funny.
G: So I'm going to take control of the podcast. Uh, let's talk about Sunday.
M: (Fumbling in the car)
G: K what's the matter with you.
G: Laughing
K: It's really hot in the car right now.
G: Holy shit.
K: It's why were all, my hands are getting wet.
G: Jesus Christ
M: I brought a, I brought a change of clothes. And now I actually need it.
G: People, children, die, imagine dying of this,
G:people die. This makes sense man I understand.
M: This won't be a podcast this will be fucking murder evidence. For all three of
us killing ourselves.
G: yeah, by the end of this podcast were just going to be
sweaty dead bodies.
K: You can survive 6 more minutes. Alright what were you saying about Sunday Gabriel
G: Ok I went to a show Sunday, it's Just for Laughs, which is the biggest comedy festival in the entire world.
After the show I went to a hostel where all the wonderful people of the world come to enjoy cheap laa-- hotels whatver
G: So I'm there with my step brother and we're chatting to these two hot sex ladies from Toronto. And I lean and my this is my this is my opener when I was
trying to speak with them, I said hey is it, when you say is it toronto or taronta. And they immediately were like ooooooh. I like this guy.
K: That's a good opener.
G: And they're laughing and were talking, but then we ask them uh so are you staying in the hostel, and they're like yah. We're staying with 8 other people in
1 room. And so like five minutes later and being, after like 2 hours we just got up and just left. And we saw the look on their faces, what what why why? ah, ah
and I was like alright whatever and that made me feel really good to have like power over somebody like that.
K: ok
G: and I woke up the next day really hung over. Oh ya! Can i mention, the drink that made me
K: yeah sure
G: alright so I was on Tinder the next day, very hung over. I felt so sick to my stomach. And the girl I spoke on Tinder, Tinder's a dating app on your phone
I don't know if you have phones out there.
M: hahahaha
G: what? I was speaking to this one girl and she said. She gave me her remedy to cure hang overs.
K: So what do you mean by cure hangovers, in case they don't know, what's a remedy to cure hangovers.
G: Well a remedy is like at home, it's like something you make at home in order to
M: Heal yourself
G: Help, I felt very sick I needed something, I needed something to make me feel better. Basically
K: ok, ok
G: The recipe was 12 oz of orange juice, 20 oz of water, and I think two table spoons of salt, and it has to be kind of warm. so alright, and that's a lot of water.
And an insane amount of liquid that was tasting disgusting so, I took it, I had it, and I chugged half of it. Like immediately. And immediately just threw up
K: *laughing*
G: And I was in the bathroom when I drank, and I threw up in the bathtub. And then it went like right into the toilet. And then I wrote oh my god it made me throw up.
and she's like you're not supposed to chug it you idiot. You're supposed to like drink it slowly.
And I'm like I didn't know

K: THat's uh, that's funny man.
G: This is why I feel so hot.
K: Alright what's new with you this weekend Max.
M: Uh this weekend, what did I do this weekend, Jesus Christ, uh I didn't do anything man I just
K: Alright you just had a low key weekend.
M: I just cleaned my apartment. Like I don't even remember what I did. DIdn't do any shows. Ah what the fuck, I got no idea.
It's too hot to remember.
K: Alright Max has a boring life everyone
M: (sighs)
K: THat's basically what happened with Max
M: YEs, yes I have a boring life. I I I organized my chess set, I turned on my computer to make it still activated normally.
G: He cleaned his pocket protector
K: I know what you did you played pokemon go
M: I played pokemon go in the streets, I played soccer for like two hours and got a huge sunburn.
G: I like to thank China for pokemon go. For delopping that app for us.
K: Are you playing Pokemon go?
G: no
K: I'm playing pokemon go
M: I played soccer for like two hours, that's why I did this weekend.
K: It's funny I went I started playing with my daughter, and we were going I was like let's go catch some animals.
Cause she's three and she doesn't understand the concept so were going and she sees a real animal and she's like dad throw the ball at that animal
and no you cant catch it.
M: IT happened to me too I saw a squirrel and I wanted to catch it, it didn't work though it was a real squirrel.
K: Alright guys this car is really hot.
G: hahaha yeah
K So we're going to, were going to wrap this up, uh, we talked about a few cool words like Gabriel has a bitchface, meaning he was in a in a sour mood the whole
ride down.
K: So we said Gabriel was bitch face and a great remedy for hangovers was a ton of orange juice, a ton of water and salt.
G: Yeah
K: And don't chug it like Gabriel cause you'll just end up saying some embarrassing stuff after. Alright guys that's the end of this. We're going to do another podcast
after the comedy show. And well we have a little bet who's going to be the best don't we.
G: yeah and we're going to figure it out. And it's a battle of the wits.
K: We're going to see who gets the most laughs, it's going to be Gabriel and I, and Max is going to be the judge I guess.
M: I guess so
K: are you going to participate?
M: Yeah I'll participate.
K: Alright alright we're going to see who wins.
M: Fuck that
K:Well catch you guys next time on the next podcast of Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnncensored English.