Uncensored English

Looking for a different angle on English language podcasts? Keiran the crazy Canadian goes where the other English podcasts don't... and more. Keiran and his native English guests discuss politically incorrect subjects as well as general English language, idioms, expressions, culture and more all while having natural unscripted conversations. This podcasts feature an educational exploration of language ranging from every day expressions, pop culture expressions, explicit language and anything in between. The podcast is geared towards adults students, professionals, university students as well as ESL teachers who want to step out of the "Safe Space" of the English language education community and have a little more fun. Join Keiran and his guests in their down to earth humorous conversations and learn to speak a more universal edgy form of English like a native! English ISN'T always PC!!!
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Uncensored English



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Jul 15, 2016

Have you ever been on a bad date, or been stuck in a boring conversation? Gabriel joins Keiran and they discuss some great conversation starters to take the pressure off your shoulders when trying to maintain a fun conversation in English.




K: So today were doing an outdoor podcast in downtown Montreal, in a little park off a boulevard so their might be a little bit of a background noise. We're going to have a

G: *Bird noise*

K: Fun topic today we got Gabriel Omassi back on the podcast how's it going man?

G: Pretty good, living,

K: alright

G: loving,

K: Living and loving

G: how about you guys?

K: And today were going to talk about uh, keeping a conversation going, when things are getting dry you know. Like sometimes you go out on a date,

G: Yeah

K: Or your out at a party and maybe the person you're with isn't really contributing much or they're a boring person.

G: Um

K: And you want to spice up the conversation a little bit. And were going to give you guys a few "if" questions you can use. To keep the conversation moving and to have some fun. So before we start what's new with you Gabriel? I haven't seen you in awhile.

G: Uhhh man I've been on the internet, online dating game, you know, you know what I'm saying, I'm living, I've been meeting people, uh loving, ah man so much loving.

K: Last time we hung out you were going sober for awhile.

G: Yeah yeah so I did about a month sober, no alcohol, a lot of coffee. And I felt like a lost a bit of weight. So I started to feel a little bit better. I've been exercising, I've been going to the pool, I've been tanning. Uh I've been definitely getting a lot more looks from the ladies. So as a result now I'm feeling cocky, cocky means very confident. Overly confident for those of you that don't know what that means. And now I'm drinking again.

K: So you fell off the wagon a little. Nah it was a conscious decision, I made sure I said I'm going to start drinking on this specific date and once I reach that date, it's my goal and I hit it, and now I am having fun again.

K: Alright

G: Got my life back

K: good to have you back having a good time.

G: thanks

K:  Alright so lets move on to the questions here Gabriel, so let's say were having a boring conversation and it's dying.

G: yeah

K: and you want to liven it up a little bit. What would you ask me.

G: Well one that I think about daily, is if you were famous how would you live your life.

K: If I was famous how would I live my life?

G: yeah

K: IF I was famous I think what I would probably do is I would probably go to a lot of parties, I'd probably stay up late, drink a lot, do a lot of nonsense,

G: yeah

K: Sleep in every morning probably go on vacation a lot and probably spend my free time maybe writing comedy every day or something.

G: ok

K: Ok so if you were famous how would you live your life?

G: Well hopefully being famous, that means I have  a lot of money, hopefully, I dont know depends maybe you're famous for doing something terrible and then you have no money. BUt if I was famous and I was rich. I would just literally just move away from Montreal where I live right now, and I would live probably somewhere away from a lot of people.  And I would just visit my friends from time to time. But for the most part, I'd like to be, I'd like to be alone. I'd give up comedy that that's for sure.

K: really?

G: Oh yeah

K: You're doing comedy to get famous

G: I'm doing comedy to make money one day.


K: You're going to have to move to do that buddy.

G: Yeah so if I make money. Then I'm done, that's it, I don't gotta do anything else.

K: ok

G: Basically I just want to win the lottery. And if I win the lottery I'm giving up, I'm giving a million dollars to my mom, uh for a thank you, here you go you lady for raising me. Then I'm outta here. No one will ever see me again. Unless maybe like once a year I'll come back on like uh I dunno the Summer solstice or whatever anyway

K: Dude I added your mom on facebook

G: Yeah I know you added my mom on facebook

K: I Liked one of her pictures, then she liked one of my pictures.

G: OH my god that's so

K: Alright alright see the conversation got really fun and really easy with the questions we use.

G: That's good

K: K Gabriel you're on a bad date with a girl and then she, you want to liven it up so you ask her if you had no family and no parents

G: that's a weird question to ask *laughing*

K: how would you live differently?

G: Well if I'm on a date with a girl, I want to be like. I want to come off as sensitive you know. So I'd be like I don't know how I would live if I didn't have any parents you know. I feel like my parents are part of who I am. There part of nah honestly I didn't really grow up with a dad so half of that question is easy enough. My mom, I'm always trying to escape my mother. So I feel as though if my mom never existed this part of me that feels upset and empty would be filled with happiness because she wouldn't exist.

K: So your mother causes you misery.

G: Sometimes she's so stupid sometimes like she broke up with her boyfriend.

K: Maybe that's why you cant get a solid girlfriend cause you have problems with your mother.

G: She broke up with her boyfriend, listen to me people. And now she's moved back in with me. And she went on a date last night with a man without telling me. And it freaked me out I was texting her: are you ok? Are you ok?  And then she calls me at 2 in the morning. And I'm like oh dear lord what are you doing this late at night with some stranger, I know what she's doing she's having dirty dirty dirty good sex.

K: Oh my god how good of a conversation you can have with these questions, so now you gotta return the favor.

G: Do you want me to ask you the, I'll ask you

K: you're going to ask me another one?

G: What would you do if you had no parents.

K: If I had no parents I would, I would probably not be involved in the same line of work I think. My parents always kinda directed, I think parents always should direct their kids in like uh healthy line of work you know.

G: Yeah, my mom was like do whatever the fuck you want.

K: Well alright,

G: She was like, gay straight it's all the same. And I was like who ok mom that's cool.

K: That's pretty, that's pretty liberal.

G: She's like as long as your happy. And I ain't happy now and I'm straight so I don't know.

K: Maybe you gotta go suck a dick, I don't know what do you want me to say.

G: Mmmwah, sorry.

K: So no if I had no parents and no family, I think I would just be in a completely opposite line of work, I'd probably have dived like headfirst into comedy if I had no responsibilities. I probably would've moved to NEw York or something.

G: IT's true if you had a wife, and no kid.

K: Yeah alright.

G: No baby mama

K: Nooo baby mama

G: Alright how about this, I was thinking about this all day today. If you could be any animal what animal would you be and why?

K: If I could be any animal what would I be and why?

G: Yeah

K: That's a good question, I gotta think about, what would you be?

G: I'd be a bird. Because they have, when it comes to using the bathroom the bird has one hole and one hole only. Only one clean up. I guess with a man you have to clean up your butt. But like a bird you just shoot out whatever liquid, it's like mixed, it's the poo and the pee  that's mixed together and it shoots out into just one squirt.

K: This is why this is uncensored English guys, these are great conversation starters, this whole podcast is to give you great conversation starters.

G: yeah

K: But if you're a first time listener to this podcast, this is why we call it uncensored English cause were given you the liberal (*liberty) to learn English and have fun conversations.

G: BUt you guys are from another country, you probably see chickens walking around in your backyard or whatever


G: Just know, just know that that thing is a bird and it has one hole, that is used for pooping peeing and laying eggs.

K: So every egg that has ever been made has been a shitty pissy egg.

G: It's gotta go through all the poop and all the pee. And it all comes out and then once the egg is down there. The male, the cock if you will, then the male pees on the egg

K: No, it's not true

G: That's how it works, that's how it fertilizes. Or whatever it does it's business

K: Really?

G: ???? or whatever

K: HOw is the, how is the fluid that makes the egg  fertilize go through the shell.

G: it has uh, it's able to stimulate itself mentally.

K: Alright this is getting to stupid. Let's do the other end of the question here.

G: uh..... oh why. oh why, why um I think I said why, the hole.

K: No you answered it now you gotta ask me.

G: alright why would you be, what animal would you be, an elephant or a horse?

K: If I was any animal I would be a lion.

G: You know I was going to ask, i was going to be like let me guess

K: cause lions, no I would not be a lion, I would be a male lion. Cause male lions live in packs, the female lions do all the hunting take care of the kids,

G: That's good

K: and they ahve like three or four wives.

G: Like a mormon

K: It's not a mormon dude,

G: oh

K: Don't compare a lion to a mormon.

G: Alright I dunno.


K: Alright, we're going to wrap this question up guys. So if you want some good conversation starters, if you're on a bad date, or you at a party and things are getting boring. You could ask them if you were famous, how would you live? If you have no family no parents how would you live differently? Or if you could be any animal, what would you be and why? And you can ask these to native English speakers if your nervous and you can let them do the answering first and you can answer after. Alright so before we wrap it up Gabriel do you want to say anything sane to all the people listening outthere. 

G: Hey man, just live your lives, don't let anybody tell you what not to do, take some advice from me. I mean you cant put me on the spot here.

K: Alright that's it, that's it for the podcast guys, thank you for listening and we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of  Unnnnncensored English!