Info

Uncensored English

Looking for a different angle on English language podcasts? Keiran the crazy Canadian goes where the other English podcasts don't... and more. Keiran and his native English guests discuss politically incorrect subjects as well as general English language, idioms, expressions, culture and more all while having natural unscripted conversations. This podcasts feature an educational exploration of language ranging from every day expressions, pop culture expressions, explicit language and anything in between. The podcast is geared towards adults students, professionals, university students as well as ESL teachers who want to step out of the "Safe Space" of the English language education community and have a little more fun. Join Keiran and his guests in their down to earth humorous conversations and learn to speak a more universal edgy form of English like a native! English ISN'T always PC!!!
RSS Feed Subscribe in iTunes
Uncensored English
2017
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February


Categories

All Episodes
Archives
Categories
Now displaying: September, 2016
Sep 30, 2016

One more week guys! Get cracking and get your story ending in!

Sep 28, 2016

Sometimes you need to tell people to stop talking, we'll help you with that!

 

***Transcript***

Keiran: So, today on the podcast we have someone we haven't had on here for a while back on here. How's it going, Gabriel?

 

Gabriel: [coughs] Pretty good. Sorry, I've been out I've been really sick. Coming down from a really bad case of Mono, short for mononucleosis which is a degenerative disease that attacks your immune system but I've been recovering the last three months or so. 

 

Keiran: Gross. Is it mono something you get from being a slut and just fooling around with lots of people?

 

Gabriel: Yes, maybe. It's the disease of love, baby. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

 

Keiran: Great, man. We're glad that you're bouncing back from mono so what's new with you lately? Have you been up to anything, other the usual or...?

 

Gabriel: I was in school. Yes, I'm in school. I lector [?] a class and I hate the class so much and I was so hangover this Monday. What hangover means is I drank a lot of alcohol on Sunday and on Monday I felt so bad. I left the class and I dropped it for my schedule. 

 

Keiran: So, you dropped the class. You have less work now.

 

Gabriel: Yes, oh, yes. No, it was my only class so I have no school this semester.

 

Keiran: Was it not the only class you have to do to finish your university?

 

Gabriel: Yes, I hated it that much. There was no way I was going to pass this class. It was so boring and hard that I said, "I'm going to take the easy class", which is in January which I want to do initially, but I'll take the easy class instead of this home-boring, hard class with this Hillary-loving teacher. I'm guessing, I'm not...

 

Keiran: My wife is doing eight classes. 

 

Gabriel: That's crazy.

 

Keiran: I know and she also--

 

Gabriel: But they're all designing clothes, right? It's like, learning how to saw one on one or...

 

Keiran: A lot of our fashion design courses but she's also doing language courses which is really hard. I mean, she only start to learn English when she met me. It's one of those essay classes you had to do in citizenship [?], in university. She's doing those with basically really basic writing abilities. It's really tough for her but...We get to know your being lazy and enjoy. Enjoying, you're fucked. Can't handle one class. It's funny. 

 

Gabriel: It was honestly awful. They were basically just talking about none issues. They're talking about why are artist arted [?]. How's this not arted, that's not arted. It was like, "Oh my God. I don't care. I don't care about art. I don't care about Ivana Abramovic [?] or whatever stupid name is. 

 

Keiran: If you hate it, I mean, if you hate the class it means you will drop earlier, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, I'm just going to do comedy. I'm hosting McLean's on Sunday. It's going to be fun. Come on down folks if you're in the area.

 

Keiran: Yes, people around the world come to McLean's. Alright. Okay, let's get started with the podcast here today. Today, we're going to be talking about idioms or expressions that we use in English to tell people to stop talking. We want to be quiet. Let's just say, what's the first one that comes to your mind, the one that you think you say the most.?

 

Gabriel: "Shut up" is the most common one that I've heard.

 

Keiran: Okay and "shut up" is something you can use with anyone or all the time or what's...?

 

Gabriel: It's a bit rude. I mean, I tell my mom to shut up a lot but it's, I think I don't think you should tell your moms to shut up because they all might get upset. My mom gets upset at me every time I tell her to shut up, she's like, "I'm your mother. You came out of me," and I'm just like, "Aw, whatever lady." 

 

Keiran: I think it's a little bit of a rude word, right? The way I use "shut up" the most is to my dog.

 

Grabriel: Yes, it's true. Yes,yes, yes, a pet doesn't know. You just yell at a pet.

 

Keiran: Yes, the other night, my sister brought her dog over because they had to fumigate their house or something. Then at 9:30, the dog just supposed to start barking and I was just like, "Ah, shut up! Shut up you dumb dogs." And my dog's sleeping, I don't know.

 

Gabriel: They shut up.

 

Keiran: Yes, they did shut up. 

 

Gabriel: They understand it?

 

Keiran: Yes, they responded "shut up", man. It's great.

 

Gabriel: That's hilarious [?].

 

Keiran: I think the other way I use it is in a...not a library, in a movie theater. Every time I go, it's inevitable that someone will be talking behind me and eating popcorn really loud and I'll just go, "Shut up, God."

 

Gabriel: Really? I don't know. I'm kind of nervous to yell shut up it appears in a movie theater especially the type of people that make a lot of noise. You will see they're like that type of person. I don't want to say shut up to that type of person. 

 

Keiran: I mean, I always look first to make sure they're not bigger than me. 

 

Gabriel: Make sure like their weight?

 

Keiran: Make sure their weight or make sure that they're not more people than I am. Okay. So, shut up is rude. You can use it if you have that kind of relationship with your mom or with your dog. 

 

Gabriel: I yell shut up at my bird now. My live bird.

 

Keiran: You got to be careful with shut up though, right? You can't use it, really, all the time with anyone.

 

Gabriel: No. The entire opposite side of that is you could be really, really polite with asking people to quiet down. You can ask politely, "I'm sorry. Do you mind if you shut up or...?" no. You know what I mean. It's like, "Do you mind? You're making a lot of noise."

 

Keiran: Yes, that's probably the better approach to the movie theater situation too, right?

 

Gabriel: That's true. 

 

Keiran: Just turn around, go, "Guys, do you mind? I paid $10 to watch this movie. It's started. Can you stop talking, please?"

 

Gabriel: Yes.

 

Keiran: Right. So, "do you mind?". "Do you mind?" is the polite way or you just say "Could you guys be quiet"? What about other expressions. Do you have any other ones that you ever heard or you ever use a lot?

 

Gabriel: My dad says "cork down" a lot.

 

Keiran: "Cork down", you mean "cork it"? Put a cork in it?

 

Gabriel: Yes, yes. Sorry. My dad says "put a cork in it."

 

Keiran: That's one that my dad says. The other day we were having dinner and my daughter wanted to have a chocolate. We have this box of chocolates and my mom was like, "Well, you can have a chocolate if you have one more carrot and one more cucumber and a piece of broccoli, you can have one chocolate." My daughter just looked really annoyed by that and I told my daughter, "You know what, Michelle, in 20 years we can go see grandma in the retirement home and bring a box of chocolates." Then, when she asked her one, you could go like, "Well grandma, you can have a chocolate if you have one more carrot, one more cucumber." My dad was like, "Keiran, put a cork in it."   

 

Gabriel: It sounds so funny.

 

Keiran: He thought I was being rude but I don't know. I know it was pretty funny thing to do but...Who says "put a cork in it" in your life? Is it your dad?

 

Gabriel: No, I was making fun of you. 

 

Keiran: You're making of fun me, thanks. Good, dumbass.

 

Gabriel: Corked it.

 

Keiran: We said "shut up", "put a cork in it", "do you mind?". Do you have any other ones that come into your mind?

 

Gabriel: You can say "excuse me". I guess it's also "do you mind".

 

Keiran: Yes, it's a polite way of "excuse me".

 

Gabriel: [inaudible] You said "simmer down" but I don't know anyone's ever said that, ever. Maybe in the UK.

 

Keiran: "Simmer down", yes. "Simmer down" and "pipe down". Like "simmer down" and "pipe down", they're not really telling someone to stop talking. They're telling someone to make less noise, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, it's true, yes. Keep it down or even like take it easy. 

 

Keiran: Right. There are some, maybe a school teacher like, "Simmer down kids. We're in the library. We can't make too much noise." The one I remember from elementary school is when my, the teachers would turn the lights off to get people to be quiet and then after a little while the kids would start talking again then the teacher would be like, "Guys, zip your lips and then lock it and throw the key away."

 

Gabriel: Oh, my God. 

 

Keiran: Did you ever hear that one?

 

Gabriel: I guess so. I have in cheesy cartoons or remember Austin Powers the movie? Dr. Evil was like zip it, zip it. That's a good one. 

 

Keiran: Yes, like, zip it. Zip it. Who is he saying it to?

 

Gabriel: Everybody I think or his son, Seth or I remember, Scott.

 

Keiran: Right. Scott, zip it. That's all I got in my mind, man. What's the funniest way you've ever told someone to shut up or the funniest situation you've yelled bad at people?

 

Gabriel: When you're like, I'm trying to think. When someone gets really, really mad at you and then...it's almost like you don't even realize they're getting that mad at you so you just say like, "Come on, there. Relax," and they get even more angrier after you say relax to them. If you say that to a boss or something, or someone that employs you, if you tell a boss to be quiet, they get so angry. It's like...yes.

 

Keiran: Yes, I got fired for that. 

 

Gabriel: Isn't that stupid? They get so, "Relax? Relax, really, relax? The opposite.

 

Keiran: It's an ego thing. They're like, "You can't tell me to relax. I am the one who tells you."

 

Gabriel: I'm like, "Come on dude. Be quiet." I guess it's similar to being quiet is like to relax. Calm your nerves or your temper or like...It's like implying to stop making noise. 

 

Keiran: Yes, it's telling them to shut up with a different word or telling them to just calm down. I remember when I worked in an Italian Supper Club and they had this new bar that was outside. I was closing it up and you had this plastic windows you had to roll down at the end of the night and I was rolling it down and then the lowest manager in the totem pole was like, "K, you're rolling it down from the wrong side." I stopped rolling it down so I could go do it on the other side but he was wasted and was like, "K, you roll it...K! You're rolling it down from the wrong, K! You're rolling it..." He said it like seven times and I was just like, "Fuck! I heard you the first time, man." Then, they had a meeting about me that I was not invited to.

 

Gabriel: Loser.

 

Keiran: I know. All six managers had a meeting and they were like, "Kieran, we're going to let you go." I just said, "All right, whatever."

 

Gabriel: He was calling you K?

 

Keiran: Yes, they called me K. 

 

Gabriel: That's so weird. 

 

Keiran: They're too lazy to say the whole name.

 

Gabriel: It's not like a good name for you to use the first letter. It just sounds like a drug.

 

Keiran: We'll going do all this and play, man. 

 

Gabriel: Yes, that's it. 

 

Keiran: All right, man. Let's recap this. We talked about "shut up", "do you mind?", "put a cork in it", "pipe down", "simmer down" and zip your lips and "zip it". Which is the most polite one people can use to tell other people to be quiet?

 

Gabriel: I'd say, start with "do you mind?".

 

Keiran: All right and from do you mind, where do we go?

 

Gabriel: I guess from "do you mind" would be "simmer down", sounds kind of dorky [crosstalk]

 

Keiran: It's kind of friendly, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, and then "zip it", sounds like, I don't know. It's not bad but you know...

 

Keiran: It's kind of funny. 

 

Gabriel: If you were tell a guy in the bus to zip it, and the guy would, "You sort of...", He'd like you wouldn't want to know if he wants like, he could ask or not. He would like, "I don't know. Is he telling me to zip it?"

 

Keiran: Right. Everything you do is like an Austin Powers like reference him in...So, "do you mind", "simmer down", "zip it".

 

Gabriel: I guess "shut up" is the worst.

 

Keiran: Yes, "shut up" is the worst and "put a cork in it" is kind of crude. It's probably below "shut up" and then "shut up" is just the most like, "I don't give a shit about what you think just stop making noise, please."

 

Gabriel: Yes. You can even add like, "Shut the fuck up," in there. 

 

Keiran: That's not for your mom. 

 

Gabriel: No. "Shut the fuck up, stupid."

 

Keiran: That's for your dog when your mom's not in the house or something. 

 

Gabriel: Or you feel like you finally want to kick your dad's ass. You're like, "I'm tired shut your ass up."

 

Keiran: When does that happen? I don't know. I've never tried it, I think I could not kick my dad's ass. He's bigger than me, man. 

 

Gabriel: Thanksgiving 2008. [inaudible]

 

Keiran: It's the end of Keiran's life. All right, Gabriel. We're going to wrap it up. Do you have anything else you want to say to the people of the world who you haven't spoken to in a while?

 

Gabriel: You can send me emails at gabomassi@gmail.com, let me know how much you enjoy me. G-A-B-O-M-A-S-S-I at Gmail dot com. Send me an email like a quest finding with people from the internet. You could ask...you know. 

 

Keiran: Is that your real email? 

 

Gabriel: Yes, gabomassi@gmail.com.

 

Keiran: Yes. You just gave that to hundreds of people so.

 

Gabriel: That's amazing. 

 

Keiran: If you want to send Gabe an email, you can. If you want to spam him or send him like viruses to fuck off his computer, you can do too. 

 

Gabriel: Send me an email and I'll read on the podcast next time if I get any and then I'll, I don't know. I'll send you like an autograph, picture or whatever. 

 

Keiran: Yes, we can do an interview session with Gabriel. You can ask him personal questions or something. All right, man. Thanks for coming on the podcast and helping us out. 

 

Gabriel: Yes, no problem. It was a lot of fun. 

 

Keiran: All right, and if you guys enjoyed Gabriel, he's been on several other podcasts, you can check them out. The first podcast he did with me though is how to use the word "fuck". I think the third one how do you use the word "shit".

 

[end]

Sep 26, 2016

When I became certified to teach English they told me not to use children's book, movies, and tv shows. They said it was condescending. So I guess today I'll be condescending to you... let me know if you've found it useful!

 

*** Transcript *** 

 

Keiran: Hello everyone. Today on Uncensored English, I'm inside a tent with Michelle Leilani. How are you doing, Michelle?

 

Michelle: Good.

 

Keiran: What are we about to do?

 

Michelle: We're going to read some books.

 

Keiran: What book we’re going to read?

 

Michelle: We're going to read Miss Scary.

 

Keiran: And before we read the book I wanted to tell you guys that when I was taking my, what was it called CELTA Course, he told us not to read or show students kids' books or kids' cartoons because it was insulting or rude to the adults there. We're going to read this book and I want you guys to let me know what you think. Was there anything that you could have learned from this book?  All right. Are ready to read the book Michelle?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Before we read the book can I ask you a few questions?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Okay, what is your favorite color?

 

Michelle: Pink.

 

Keiran: Why?

 

Michelle: Because it's whiter and a little bit white.

 

Keiran: Okay, if you were any animal, what animal would you want to be?

 

Michelle: I want to be a giraffe.

 

Keiran: Why would you be a giraffe?

 

Michelle: Because then I have my neck and I could reach the leaves and eat them.

 

Keiran: You want to eat leaves?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Why? They’re not yummy.

 

Michelle: But you know giraffe eat leaves.

 

Keiran: Okay. Are you scared of monsters?

 

Michelle: Yeah.

 

Keiran: What kinds of monster are scared of?

 

Michelle: Every monster.

 

Keiran: Okay. And what's your favorite thing to do when you're at home?

 

Michelle: My favorite thing is to spend time with my daddy, mommy.

 

Keiran: Ohhh. You’re such a cutie pie. Okay, let's read the book.  The book is called?

 

Michelle: Mr. Scary.

 

Keiran: No.

 

Michelle: Misis Scary.

 

Keiran: Little Miss Scary.

 

Michelle: Scary.

 

Keiran: Okay, open the book please. Let's read it. Little Miss Scary. "Little Miss Scary lived near the top of a mountain in a house called ‘Spooky Cottage’. When it was dark she would creep into the valley below, making sure that nobody saw her." Okay, next page.

 

Michelle: [inaudible] please [inaudible]

 

Keiran: No you hold it, okay? I'll hold it. Give it to me. Easier[?] [inaudible]. "And there she would wait very quietly until somebody came along. And when that somebody did, she would tiptoe up behind them, open her mouth wide and shout, BOO!” Is that a nice thing to do?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Keiran: And do you know why Little Miss Scary did this for fun. You see she loved to scare people more than anything else in the world. And she was very good at it. “She scared them stiff. BOO!”

 

Michelle: Look! There's a bug in here.

 

Keiran: It's okay. We’ll get it after. "She scared them out of their wits, BOO! She even scared them right out of their socks, BOO!" Who's that in the picture?

 

Michelle: Mr. Jelly?

 

Keiran: Is his socks falling off because he's so scared?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Oh my God. That's crazy.

 

Michelle: Crazy-Daisy.

 

Keiran: Crazy-Daisy. "About a week ago Mr. Noisy went to see his friend Mr. Jelly. Mr. Noisy was worried because he hadn't heard from his friend for ages. When he got to Mr. Jelly's house, he knocked on the door. Spookily, the door swung open by itself. “Hello?”, called Mr. Noisy as softly as he could, which for you or me would have been a shout. Then he heard a chattering noise coming from the bedroom. Mr. Noisy found Mr. Jelly hiding under his bed his teeth chattering in fear. “Whatever's the...”, began Mr. Noisy. And then remembered himself, “Whatever's the matter Mr. Jelly?” “It's-it's-it's Little Miss Scary," chattered Mr. Jelly trembling in fear.  She-she-she-she keeps jumping out and shouting b-b-b-b-boo at me. Mr. Noisy made Mr. Jelly a cup of tea, calmed him down and told him what they were going to do. Just as it was getting dark, they hid behind a bush, behind the lane that led up to Mr. Jelly's house. They waited until they saw the Little Miss Scary's shadowy figure creeping past them. Then, Mr. Noisy and Mr. Jelly crept out from their hiding place, tiptoed up behind Little Miss Scary and at the tops of voices shouted, BOO! Now, the top of Mr. Noisy's voice is a very loud place, indeed. So loud that Little Miss Scary leaped 5 ft. in the air and when she came down, she ran for her life. She didn't stop running until she was hidden under her bed, in her bedroom, in Spooky Cottage at the top of the mountain. 'I don't think you'll be seeing so much of her for a long while, Mr. Jelly," chuckled to Mr. Noisy. "Mr. Jelly? Mr Jelly?" But there was no sign of Mr. Jelly either. Mr. Noisy chuckled again and walked back to Mr. Jelly's house to have a look under Mr. Jelly's bed." So Michelle, what did you think about that book?

 

Michelle: Good.

 

Keiran: Why was it good?

 

Michelle: Because it was and because my books are good because they're so sweet.

 

Keiran: And have you ever scared anyone like me Little Miss Scary did?

 

Michelle: BOO!

 

Keiran: Okay, not me. Did you scare anyone else?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Keiran: Did you ever scare your grandfather when he came home from work?

 

Michelle: With you.

 

Keiran: Yeah. What did we do?

 

Michelle: Um I was on the floor but he came in, we did BOO!

 

Keiran: Yes and where we're hiding?

 

Michelle: I don't know.

 

Keiran: [laugh] Okay. All right.

 

Michelle: [inaudible]

 

Keiran: That's the end of this story and this podcast, guys. This one was purely entertainment. I'm sure you could have gotten something out of the story though, even though that story is meant for kids. There's a lot of nice words and interesting language in it. So if you liked it, rate it, review it, let me know and maybe somehow I'll be able to get Michelle back on here. Michelle, how much do I have to pay you for this podcast?

 

Michelle: One dollar.

 

Keiran: More.

 

Michelle: Ten dollars.

 

Keiran: One million. Say one million dollars.

 

Michelle: One million dollars.

 

Keiran: Oh my God. One million dollars.

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: How come?

 

Michelle: Because that - because that.

 

Keiran: Because that what?

 

Michelle: I don't know what.

 

Keiran: [laugh] All right. All right, say good night, Michelle.

 

Michelle: Good night [inaudible].

 

Keiran: And-

 

Michelle: I wants to read another one.

Keiran: Yes, that's one just for me and you. And we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of Uncensored....

 

Michelle: English.

Sep 24, 2016

A student of mine pointed out a logical falacy with an expression we learned so I decided to talk about this on the podcast in case other language learners are making it. Also we discuss the deplorable ongoing phenomena of police shootings in the USA.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVPRahUuMqU Shooting video footage.

Sep 22, 2016

Get is a pretty useful word. How useful, you might be surprised. Today Max and I talk about how you get more out of get.

 

*** Transcript*** 

 

***Intro*** 

 

Keiran: So today we got Malefic Max back on the podcast. How's it going Max?


Max: Hello. Very good. How are you?


Keiran: I'm all right, what's new with you today? 


Max: Today I'm looking at buying an oversized guitar, I'm really excited about that.


Keiran: An oversized guitar. Why are you interested in an oversized guitar?


Max: Well, the band, Tenacious D, Jack Black specifically states that he has an oversized guitar. And I would love to follow him because he's one of my favorite musicians.


Keiran: Okay. I've never seen an oversized guitar.


Max: It's a large body and when you put your arm on it, if you rest your arm on the body--


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: It will probably cut off the circulation in your hands so you got to lift your elbow a bit.


Keiran: Huh.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: All right, that's interesting. All right. So today, Max is going to help us learn how to get more out of the word get. 


Max: Get it.


Keiran: Yeah, yeah, it's a little joke there I guess. All right. We're going to learn how to get more out of the word get. So of course, where get is a verb, meaning to get something like I'm going to go to the store and get something. But there's  a lot of other ways we can use it. And we're going to start off with the one that I have written down right here at the top, which is get over it.


Max, what does it mean to get, when someone says get over it?


Max: Get over it. When you say it to someone, you're telling them to let go of an issue that they're struggling with. Like if they're worried about something like a test and they're just keep talking about it and they can't seem to calm down, and you say, "Get over it. It's just a test." You're going to do your test tomorrow.


Keiran: Right. So they've got to stop focusing their negative or neurotic energy on something and to just move on with their life, right?


Max: Yeah, yeah. Stop being nervously focused on it. 


Keiran: All right. So I remember when I was younger, I always wanted to go-- Actually, my parents went to church. I had to go to church as my parents and I hated going to church because on Sunday mornings, Spiderman was on at the exact same time as church.


Max: Yeah, I hear that.


Keiran: And every Sunday morning I would have fought with my parents. My dad will go like, "Ken. You going to church and you're missing Spiderman. Get over it." I always lost that argument until I was 14.


Max: Yeah, that make sense.


Keiran: But he wanted me to just let go of it so we didn't have that fight every week, right?


Max: Oh my God.


Keiran: All right. Can you give us an example of get over it?


Max: Oh yeah, sure. I got a friend, she's waiting to do a job interview, actually, to go work up North and she's also planning a vacation at the same time, but she doesn't have the job yet. She can't stop freaking about it so I told her, "Get over it, just go on your vacation. If you get the job you can come back early, it's fine. Let it go."


Keiran: Right.


Max: Get over it.


Keiran: Get over it, there's nothing you can do about it. All right. Let's move to the next one, which is not very flexible in how we can use it. But it's still useful if you need to use it. Maybe if you're with an English person which is "Get off me."


Max: Get off me, yeah. For sure. Get off me, is--


Keiran: I wonder how do we use it. When would we use get off me?


Max: You would say that in-- I can think of two situations.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: So if someone's grabbing your arm somewhere and you don't want them touching you--


Keiran: Right.


Max: Or pulling you somewhere.


Keiran: Right.


Max: Say, "Get off me, I don't need you in my bubble, pulling me away like that."


Keiran: Right. Like sometimes you see like the possessive like boyfriend in the bar, like grabbing his girlfriend.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: She's like, "Get off me."


Max: Yeah, and he's like pulling her around and stuff like that.


Keiran:  Yeah.


Max: Or like a parent grabbing their kid.


Keiran: Right. Exactly.


Max: And the kid's like, "Get off me."


Keiran: Get off me.


Max: Getting pulled around.


Keiran: Okay, that's probably not going to be useful for most of our listeners out there unless they're in a bar with a-- possessive boyfriend or girlfriend...


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: What's the other way you thought about "Get off me?" How can we use it?


Max: Maybe in during sex?


Keiran: During sex, right.


Max: If someone's on top of you and they're crushing your pelvis and you say, "Get off me."


Keiran: Get off me, this isn't feeling good.


Max: Cuting off circulation of my legs, get off me sugar.


Keiran: Yeah, right. Or if you're lying down like cuddling or something and someone rolls on to you in an uncomfortable position like, "Get off me, this hurts."


Max: Yeah. Or if you're spooning, watching a movie and you're not comfy--


Keiran: Get off[?] me[?].


Max: Or got to go pee.


Keiran: Get off me. It's not the nicest way to do it. Maybe it's like you ask someone and they're like, "Hehehe, no" Then I'm like, "No seriously. Get off me."


Max: Yeah, yeah.


Keiran: Get off me. All right. Next one. Get lost.


Max: Get lost, yeah. This is when you say to somebody when you want them to leave you alone.


Keiran: Right. So it's not you telling someone to go lose themselves.


Max: No. It's you telling someone to leave you alone, just let you be by yourself.


Keiran: Right. So, let's do some examples here. Let's say we're running a comedy show on Wednesday.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: And we have the comics that we've booked on the show.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: And maybe a comic who wants to jump on even though he's not on the show, which we sometimes do.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: And we said, "No." And he goes over and he asks you, and you say, "No." And he comes over and he asked me, I'm like, "Dude, I already told you, no." And he goes and asks you and you're like---


Max: Get lost.


Keiran: Get lost, man.


Max: Get out of here.


Keiran: We told you four times. Get lost.


Max: Get lost. Leave us alone.


Keiran: All right, can you give me a little example there?


Max: We can use the bar again. 


Keiran: All right.


Max: Let's say...  


Keiran: The bar?


Max: A bar.


Keiran:  A bar?


Max: A bar. So you're a woman at a bar--


Keiran: Right. 


Max: And a guy comes talk to you and tell him you don't want to see him. He comes back bothering you again and say, "Get lost. I'm not interested in you. I won't talk to you."


Keiran: Yeah, if a guy like keeps hitting on you over and over and over again.


Max: Like too persevering. Like too annoying.


Keiran: Right. I mean, in that case, you always want to uses it in a polite way in the beginning but get lost is, again, it's a strong way, it's very clear that you don't want the attention.


Max: Yeah. Leave me alone. 


Keiran: Get lost.


Max: Get lost.


Keiran: All right. Next one. Get by. How to get by?


Max: Get by.


Keiran: What is to get by, it means?


Max: It can mean a couple of things. 


Keiran: Okay.


Max: Getting by, could be having enough money to pay for your bills.


Keiran: Right.


Max: And when you get by, it means going around somebody. Or if you ask someone, "Can I get by?" I want to walk around them, maybe on the sidewalk.


Keiran: Okay. Let's do the first one first.


Max: Sure.


Keiran: So you said, get by means to have enough money to pay your bills. 


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: So I guess we can say when you're younger, it's a lot harder to get by when you live on your own. Because you don't have as much money or income as much.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Unless you're born into a wealthy family and you don't have trouble getting by.


Max: Yeah. Then your challenge becomes social skills.


Keiran: No, usually rich kids have better social skills.


Max: Oh yeah?


Keiran: That sucks.


Max: I guess I just wanted to believe that.


Keiran: Well, I think it depends, man. Like I don't-- I can't say I know many people who have really terrible social skills. 


Max: I know one very rich girl and she has terrible social skills.


Keiran: Is she an only child?


Max: I think so.


Keiran: There you go. Yeah, maybe she's been spoiled all her life and she's not used to not getting her own way or something. 


Max: Yeah. She's super whiny, too.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: Well, I think that's just one person.


Keiran: Okay, can you make another example of get by, not having enough money or having a tight budget?


Max: So you're a-- like if I'm a family dad and I'm going to church. And the pastor asks me how things are at home.


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: So he asks me if everything's okay. I said, "Yeah. I got enough to get by, it's a tight budget. I have a lot of kids to get new clothes."


Keiran: Right. So it's tough to get by if you don't have a lot of money.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: This is a depressing example.


Max: It is. It is.


Keiran: Let's move on to our last phrase over we're going to go over here today, which is get around.


Max: Get around.


Keiran: What does it mean to get around?


Max: Get around means be kind of a social butterfly. You kind of go around meeting a lot of people. 


Keiran: So, Sally really gets around the neighborhood.


Max: Yeah, a lot, I mean, that's implying Sallly's sleeping around.


Keiran: Oh. Okay. So get around can be-- can mean to be promiscuous.


Max: Yeah, yeah. Even if a guy I see, he gets around. And he can be saying that he's really promiscuous.


Keiran: Yes. We could say I'm worried about Gabriel]. He really gets around.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: He might be burning the candle at both ends.


Max: Right, yeah. Well that's-- if that's the way he swings, that's fine. 


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: He's burning his candle.


Keiran: Because when he says he gets around means he has a lot of sex and maybe he's going to get in trouble with some kind of STD...


Max: STD. Sexually Transmitted Disease.


Keiran: All right. What is the other way, you said get around, what does it mean?


Max: Get around? Just go around. You go around, you get around, you meet a lot of people, you go a lot of places. Really active socially.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: Or you travel a lot. If I said Karim[?] gets around a lot, he was in Korea and he's visited Mongolia.


Keiran: Right. Okay. So get around is someone who travels a lot there. They're always going to new places, they really get around.


Max: Yeah. It could also be in the city. If you're all over the city, you're visiting the west side, the east side, downtown.


Keiran: Yeah, you get around, I got around a lot today.


Max: You did?


Keiran: All right, great. We're going to wrap it up really quickly. But I want to ask Max about one more, it's kind of an expression I guess. "To get over someone, you got to get under someone new." What does that one mean?


Max: That one means, when after your breakup, to get over the breakup, to move on, you have to go have sex with someone else. Get under with someone else.


Keiran: Yeah, get under someone's body.


Max: Yeah. I think that's bullshit, but--


Keiran: I don't think it's bullshit but I don't think it's very, a maybe, healthy way to get over a relationship.


Max: Yeah, I don't think it's healthy. I mean, it might work.


Keiran: It will work.


Max: But you're going to be all weird for awhile.


Keiran: Yeah, you will be weird for awhile, right. All right, so really quickly. Get over it means to stop focusing on something. Get off me means to physically don't touch me or get off of me during sex.


Max: Get off me literally. Yeah.


Keiran: Yeah. Get lost means?


Max: Go away and leave me alone.


Keiran: Right. Get by?


Max: Getting by? Get by's is having enough to pay your rent, pay your food.


Keiran: Yeah, having the money to live your life. And lastly, get around?


Max: It means sleeping around. Having sex with a lot of people or--


Keiran: Get...


Max: Traveling around the world a lot.


Keiran: Yeah, getting around town, getting around the world. 


 

Sep 20, 2016

Students often ask me what's a good place to go to learn English, and I always answer them, Australia. Today with David Peachey we discuss some of the concerns people have about learning English in Australia.

 

*** Transcript***

Keiran: All right. Today, we have David Peachey [?] back on the podcast.

 

David Peachey: Hey, hey, hey, good to be back.

 

Keiran: Yeah. It's good to have you here, David. I have a question.

 

David Peachey: Yeah.

 

Keiran: Sometimes, I talk to my students. They say, “You know, I want to travel to an English speaking country.” And I always tell them, “First of all, don’t go to any ESL school. If you can work in a restaurant I think -- or work with people, it’s a better way to learn.”

 

David Peachey: Yeah, [crosstalk] on the ground.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and I always suggest, “Go to Australia because Australia is such a beautiful place.”

 

David Peachey: That’s a very good choice. And as an Australian I must agree. Yeah, it is beautiful here. Nice -- Yeah, the flora and the fauna is beautiful, weather is nice, yeah, so, yeah, there's a lot going for Australia.

 

Keiran: Right. But the common objection I get from anyone who I talk about this is like, “Yeah, but, you know, Australia has, you know, all those spiders and crocodiles and other dangerous animals.

 

David Peachey: And things that can kill you, yeah.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and all those things that can kill you.

 

David Peachey: It will hurt you badly.

 

Keiran: What do you think about this? Is this something that people who are considering traveling to Australia should really waste time over, worrying about this?

 

David Peachey: Short answer is no. Of course, we’ve got our population of Australia and we’re not dying quickly, dying in a hurry, so, obviously, it’s not that dangerous.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: How do we survive if -- Well, first thing, a lot of us live in the cities. I think most of the population actually lives in about -- I'd say at least half of the population lives in three or four cities.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and I guess most of those dangerous animals are not setting in apartment buildings in the cities, right?

 

David Peachey: Yeah, definitely, like -- A lot of the poisonous snakes are all desert snakes. Well, most of them are desert snakes.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: Crocodiles, so, they are up north but not necessarily near the cities. So, you know, if you’re in one of the major cities like Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide, yeah, I think it’d be fairly safe.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: The other thing is I think as part of our Australian nature, we are cautious because we are aware that there are certain things that can kill us or chase us down and attack us.

 

Keiran: Okay. These are the things that I was not aware of when I was in Australia. So, much I’ve -- we’ve actually done my research a little better. So, fill us in, David. What are the these things?

 

David Peachey: Obviously the spiders. I mean, that’s the first scary fact that yeah, we have some huge spiders here. First thing to remember is that even if they’re big, they’re generally not going to kill you. In fact, yeah, the lightest spiders are generally quite afraid of us. So, if you see a large spider like the size of your hand, you can actually shoo it away and it will run away in fright.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, if you’re not already running away in fright. So, feel a bit of bravery. You don’t need to kill it or anything, but you just kind brush at it. Don't do this with the small black evil looking spiders. A couple of the smallest spiders are found in cities, and they are venomous enough to kill you.

 

Keiran: Really?

 

David Peachey: So which is why we’re extra cautious.

 

Keiran: Right. So, there are some dangerous little creatures lurking around the cities then.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, the two main ones to look at for -- especially when the weather is hotting up. So, there’ll obviously be much more spiders in warmer weather. The dangerous ones are called the funnel-web spider and the red back spider.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: The good news is, these generally tend to avoid humans. So, the funnel-web spider, by its name it builds its web in the shape of a funnel but it’s in a hole or in a crack, so even though that’s a spider that could actually chase you if it’s angry, it won’t get angry if you don’t put your anger into its house.

 

Keiran: Right, right, which, why would he be doing anyways, right?

 

David Peachey: I don’t know. You think, oh, a dangerous spider, let’s see what it does.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David Peachey: I mean, maybe some people aren’t aware how dangerous or aggressive these can be. We just leave them alone.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Yeah. So, yeah, avoiding it is the first, or not provoking it is the first -- or not provoking. It is the first safety move. Same with the red back, it’s a small spider. It looks a little bit like the black widow and so forth that it has a red marking on the back. Also lives in cracks and crevasses. And you'll probably be bitten if you try to play with it. I don't know why, but if you try to play with it or if you accidentally put your hand into its web.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Which could happen if you are saying -- if you say, pick up -- if you pick up a chair or a table that’s been sitting in the garage and it’s dusty and you don't really look underneath. We check under these things. This is how we survive.

 

Keiran: All right. So, basically, if people are traveling in the cities and Australia, if they just leave the spiders alone. This should be safe --

 

David Peachey: Don't go looking for them.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, and just be a little more thoughtful of, yeah, where you poke your hands and fingers and so on.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: We’re quite aware of that.

 

Keiran: Okay. David, I notice when you were telling me about the first spider, you said when it’s hotting up.

 

David Peachey: It’s hotting up. Yes, becoming hotter. Is that not a [?] common in Canada which --

 

Keiran: No, I was like, “Oh, my God, what’s this -- I’ve never heard this, I have to ask David about this.” Because from my perspective, it sounds like a grammatical error that I would correct my students on but I noticed you said it, it’s the second time I’ve heard you said it, so it must be -- the phrase will be --

 

David Peachey: It must be an Australianism. I’ve never thought of it. It’s just natural for me. Yeah, the weather is hotting up, and it starts to hot up, yeah.

 

Keiran: Yeah. We would say the weather is heating up over here.

 

David Peachey: Heating up. Yeah.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Or warming up will be standard phrase for that, yeah.

 

Keiran: Right. Okay, so, we got to watch out for the funnel-web spider and the red back spider and leave them alone. Is there anything else that the average person should be informed about when they come to Australia? Any other somewhat dangerous or animals they want to stay away from?

 

David Peachey: Like I said, if you're in the cities, you’re generally avoiding them. Of course, if you’re out walking in the bush which could be -- which is pretty much anything in Australia that is not in a city, is the bush.

 

Keiran: Yeah, okay.

 

David Peachey: Of course, yeah, just watch where you’re walking. They could be a snake lying in the path, sunbathing, minding its own business. Two types of animals here will come across in the cities and they’re very common. And of course, you can’t really do anything to this. You can’t kill them because they are native animals. There are possums. And now, because they’re small [?], about the size of a cat --

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: They crawl through the trees at night and they crawl along power lines and everything.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: And you see them at night. People sometimes make the mistake of thinking that because they are furry and cat size, maybe they’re friendly.

 

Keiran: Okay, so, they’re not friendly. Don’t go pet the possums.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, don't go petting them because I accidentally did this once. I thought a possum at night was looking friendly and held a hand out and said, “Come on, come on.” In this possums. So, I had food in my hand but it couldn’t see the food, so it tentatively bit my finger and I realized, yes, it is a wild animal.

 

Keiran: Right, right, yeah, yeah.

 

David Peachey: And the other one is the bush turkey, and that’s exactly what it looks like and you’ll see them all over the place, like black body, kind of a red and yellow coloring on the neck. Yeah, but I mean, you’ll just see plenty of them around and they can look after themselves and they’ll tend to avoid you.

 

Keiran: All right. You know, I was just thinking, when I was in Australia, they had the flood, the big flood and I know that was --

 

David Peachey: Oh, yes.

 

Keiran: In 2012, I think 2012.

 

David Peachey: Yes.

 

Keiran: And this amazing thing happened and you guys can Google this if you’re listening to the podcast and go check out the images, but all the spiders in Wagga, they like, all climbed up and created these webs --

 

David Peachey: Seeking higher ground.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, they take over a whole tree or something.

 

Keiran: Right, exactly. It’s such an amazing thing to see like, that nature had this escape plan for floods you know.

 

David Peachey: Which is up and take over anything that’s not in the water.

 

Keiran: Right, right. All right, so, David, thank you for informing us about these dangerous spiders that are not so dangerous if we just leave them alone, which is guess people have trouble doing, right?

 

David Peachey: Exactly. Yeah. I just want to keep our visitors alive, so, that’d be my work done.

 

Keiran: Right. So, don’t pet the funnel back spider. Don’t pet the red back spiders and of course don’t pet the possums.

 

 

Sep 17, 2016

Oh my my, today on Uncensored English, we discuss the number one way to challenge your English and the only reason you shouldn't have you English homework completed. We also talk about the idiom Down in the Dumps, and Keiran rambles about IELTS and TOEFL

Sep 15, 2016

Keiran's going to a big Italian wedding, we talk a little about Italians and commonly heard wedding expressions.

 

*** Transcript ***

 

Keiran: So today, I’m really happy to have Melissa back on the podcast. How’s it going Melissa?

 

Melissa: Good, Keiran. How are you doing?

 

Keiran: Pretty good, pretty good. I’m a little tired, you know, it’s 10:13 PM, but I’m doing all right. So what’s new with you these days?

 

Melissa: Not too much. It was a long work day today, so I’m happy to be doing something different.

 

Keiran: Yeah, right, exactly. It’s good to have a little change of pace.

 

Melissa: Yeah, exactly.

 

Keiran: So Melissa, I’m going this weekend to my—it’s not my sister, my cousin’s getting married, and I was wondering, have you gone to any weddings in the recent past? Have you gone to any weddings recently?

 

Melissa: Yeah. You know, it’s like I’m at the age now where people are starting to get married. It’s almost like the second wave, where people start to get married when they’re in their, I guess, early twenties, and now, the second wave when you’re in sort of early thirties, and so I've had two weddings so far this summer.

 

Keiran: Oh, wow. Yeah. So these are the planned weddings, the first wave was maybe the

 

[Laughter]

 

Melissa: The shotgun wedding?

 

Keiran: Yeah, yeah, the shotgun weddings. What’s a shotgun wedding?

 

Melissa: A shotgun wedding happens when you have been intimate with somebody, and then you find out you’re pregnant, and the next things that’s left to do is to get married.

 

Keiran: Yeah. It’s a race for decency, I think.

 

Melissa: Exactly. Before the baby comes. Hurry up, get it done.

  

Keiran: Yeah. No one wants to be pregnant on the altar, I guess.

 

Melissa: Yeah. No, not many people.

 

Keiran: Okay. So I’m going—this wedding I’m going to, it’s kind of interesting. I mean, my cousin, she’s—we have, I think, a pretty small family. Like, at the wedding, there’s going to be 16 tables, with eight people at each table, and four of the tables are going to be our family, and then, the other 12 tables are going to be Italian people.

 

Melissa: Yeah, you’re definitely outnumbered.

 

Keiran: Yeah. And I think the good thing about this is –I’m imagining- the food’s going to be amazing at the wedding.

 

Melissa: That would be a good guess, yeah.

 

Keiran: Great. But the thing I’m worried about is, do you remember in high school when we would have like high school dances, or even in our graduation, where all the Italians would gather in a circle and start chanting like, “Italia! Italia!”

 

Melissa:  [Laughs] Well, why did that happen all the time?   

 

Keiran: I don’t know. I don’t know. Italian pride, I guess. I’m just hoping that this doesn’t happen at the wedding.

 

Melissa: Yeah, you never know.

 

Keiran: So what’s your funniest or most unusual wedding memory that you can think of?

 

Melissa: Oh, well, this one is –I think- particularly funny, and it happened maybe—yeah,  the last wedding that I went to, and it was in Lloydminster, which is a town that is at the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan, in the middle of the prairies. People in Alberta tend to be more, I would say, traditional when it comes to marriage, and to the culture of marriage, and most people, most couple end up getting married at some point in their life before having children. But the opposite is sort of present in Quebec where you have a lot of couples that are together, that are committed for life, but don’t end up necessarily getting married, and they sometimes have children as well, as part of their committed relationship, but marriage just never ends up happening, or ends up happening after children. And it was a funny conversation to have with Chris’s parents, because it’s inevitable that the conversation of wedding comes and gets applied to your situation, and very casually I say, “You know, people don’t get married in Quebec.” And then have their facial expressions look at me with almost a jaw drop, but not quite, you know, it’s funny. And of course, they appreciate our relationship and I don’t think that it would be a big issue, but it’s definitely something that we’ll need to consider.

 

Keiran: Right, right. So what’s your opinion on marriages? Are you for marriage, or are you against it? Are you interested in getting married?

 

Melissa: I think it’s up to people to do what they feel is right, and I think at this point in society, it’s really up to people to make their own rules, and for couples to make their own rules, and it can be really difficult when you have pressures of different families, and different cultures, tradition, religion, but if it was up to me, it’s not that important to me to get married. I’m committed to my relationship, then I know that it’s a forever relationship, and I don’t necessarily need for me to have that consolidated through marriage. But yeah, I like the idea of a big party where everybody gets drunk, that’s super fun. [Laughter]

 

Keiran: Yeah. That’s definitely fun. Yeah, no, it’s funny though, I married—I mean, I had, I guess it would be what we call half, half of a marriage of convenience, because my wife and I—both our Visas were expiring, so we had to get married to be able to see each other again, and we were in a foreign country. I mean, she has what I would call a shitty passport. Like, Canadian passport, you can go to like a 170 countries with no Visa, but the Mongolian passport, you can go to about 50 countries, and most of those countries, you probably don’t want to go to anyway, and then—but I think I’m adamantly against marriage. I don’t see the benefit anymore to marriage, and in my mind, marriage is kind of like—when you’re in a relationship, both partners can leave at any moment, I think it encourages people to act maybe in a better way, but I think when you get married, there’s kind of a lock on the door, in some way, and a divorce is a very ugly thing. I mean my opinion is I think that the traditional marriage is probably going to deteriorate the relationship.

 

Melissa: I think so, and what I really appreciate about—

 

Keiran: Really? I was hoping you’re going to disagree with me.

 

Melissa: No. No, but what I appreciate from Chris, my boyfriend, is that one of the things he says is that a marriage shouldn’t change your relationship. The nature of your relationship, whether you get married or not, if you’re committed to each other, should effectively stay the same. You shouldn’t behave any differently, but I think that a lot of people do, and I have some friends of mine who have said, “Yes, now that we’re married, then my behavior changes, because now I know I’m committed.” It’s like, “Yeah, but what were you before?”

 

Keiran: Yeah, yeah. It’s weird.

 

Melissa: Yeah, exactly. So I don’t really relate to that reason, me personally. But--

 

Keiran: And I think the foundation of marriage, like how it started, is also very ugly. You know, like in the past, women weren’t—they didn’t have the same privileges as men did. They couldn’t work, they couldn’t make money, and it was essentially a trade. You know, like, “I will give you my daughter for some money, or some cows, and a pig…” and that’s horrible, and I also think that that’s--probably the root of prostitution is marriage. Like if people—prostitutes exist, as long as there’s marriage, I think you’re going to have prostitution.

 

Melissa: That’s an interesting perspective. I never thought about it, but I do agree that it is part, or in some tradition anyway, the root of marriage was a business transaction, and actually, from different very wealthy families that it made financial sense for them to come together and merge their assets through the bond of marriage. But yeah, now it’s not necessarily applicable anymore, yeah.

 

Keiran: Right. All right. Well, actually, that’s all the time we have, we’ve got to wrap this up, but let’s go over those three little expressions we said while we were talking about this. You said a shotgun marriage was…?

 

Melissa: Shotgun marriage. That’s when you have to hurry up and get married because you have a bun in the oven.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and a bun in the over means what?              

 

Melissa: When you have a baby, when you’ve made a baby that’s growing inside.

 

Keiran: Right. So if your boyfriend got you pregnant, he could say, “I put a bun in Melissa’s oven.”

 

Melissa: Yeah. Exactly.

 

Keiran: Right. Okay, that’s a good and a fun one too. And then, we had a marriage of convenience is when you get married strictly for a passport or some other kind of government-related reasons, right?

 

Melissa: Yeah. That’s it.

 

Keiran: And oh my god, we didn’t do the other one we were talking about. The last one was the old ball and chain.

 

Melissa: Oh yeah, that’s right. That’s not a nice one, and nobody wants to be called a ball, or an old ball and chain.

 

Keiran: Yeah. And what is the imagery that you come up with when you think about the old ball and chain?

 

Melissa: Yeah, definitely a prisoner.

 

Keiran: Right. That big heavy metal ball that they would chain to your ankle, right?

 

Melissa: Yeah, that’s it.

 

Keiran: So there is a TV show I showed to my students, and this guy’s talking to his friend about going golfing, and then his friend says they’re going to come golfing on the weekend, and he says, “Well, I’ve got to ask the old ball and chain.” You know, so he says, “I’ve got to ask my wife for permission before we go.”

 

Melissa: [Laughs] That’s a relationship I wouldn’t want to be in.

 

Keiran: Yeah. I agree. I definitely agree.

 

Sep 12, 2016

What will things be like in the future? Nobody knows, but today Keiran and Max talk about potential realities of the future.

 

***Transcript***

 

Keiran : So, today we have another one of our good friends back on the podcast. How's it going Max?


Max: Really good. How are you Keiran?


Keiran: I am, uh, I'm alright. I'm pretty good, I guess, you know, it's Sunday morning.


Max: Yep, yep. Bright and early.


Keiran: So if I'm Keiran the Crazy Canadian, what would you be?


Max: I'd be Max the Malefic American.


Keiran: Malefic, what does that mean?


Max: Malefic, it's like evil, it's an adjective.


Keiran: Uh, nice.


Max: Yeah


Keiran: So, I'll just move my chair a little bit away from you then.


Max: No, no. It's a good malice, it's like from Malice, is where it comes from.


Keiran: Alright.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Alright, so what's new with you Max? I haven't seen you in a while.


Max: But I'm nice. Uh, I've been drinking a lot, you know, uh, making sure my stomach's in good shape, you know.


Keiran: Nice. Going for the beer belly?


Max: Yeah, I'm trying to get there. It's a struggle but I'll get out of shape.


Keiran: I've actually been drinking less since, uh, I haven't drank for like, actually this sounds really depressing, I haven't drank for 3 days. That's not an accomplishment.


Max: Like, I started budgeting for something 2 days ago. God.


Keiran: Alright.


Max: It's forever.


Keiran: [?] Anyways, by request of one of my students, today we're gonna talk about the future, but we didn't want to have a boring conversation about the future, so we're gonna talk about the potential realities of the future in the year 2050.


Max: 34 years from today.


Keiran: 34 years from today. So, I'm gonna kick it off. In the year 2050, washrooms will no longer be segregated by sex to appease the transgendered people's discomfort of using the wrong washroom, everyone will use the same washroom together. We will no longer have segregated washrooms. What do you think about that?


Max: I think, yeah I fucking, yeah, and it will just be like stalls, there'll just be stalls in the bathroom?


Keiran: I don't think there's a point of segregating it, I don't like, why do we...


Max: No, I agree, I'm saying in the one unisex bathroom, it'll just be a bunch of stalls, right?


Keiran: Right.


Max: I don't think it matters. Bathrooms aren't like sexual, they're just kind of utility.


Keiran: No, it's just, yeah it's a utility thing, right. I guess maybe we would have to have like a powder room for like the ladies. Or a powder room for people who put makeup on.


Max: Yeah, yeah.


Keiran: Like, maybe segregate the washroom from the powder room.


Max: Yeah, in the powder room, you just go there to wash up your face and stuff.


Keiran: Alright, what's your next one?


Max: We will have, oh sorry, in the year 2050, we will have brand new swear words.


Keiran: Like what, like what do you mean?


Max: Like, like, instead of saying fuck you, people will be like, You're such an apple Keiran, yeah apple, God, that'll be like a bad word at that time. It'll be all new ones, be like apple and like bosom will mean like genitals. It'll be all weird.


Keiran: Okay, so we will have like, overused the swear words and they become normal and we come up with new swear words.


Max: Yeah, yeah.


Keiran: Yeah, that makes sense.


Max: Like bitch would actually just become like, jerk. It would just mean jerk.


Keiran: Like, bitch was a swear word like 20 years ago but now it's just...


Max: It's kind of becoming normal.


Keiran: Right. Alright. In the year 2050, meat will be grown in laboratories and we will no longer kill animals. I know that's kind of happening already,  right?


Max: It is. And then we'll have a bunch of new pets because we would just take care of animals for fun.


Keiran: Oh you mean like, we'll have like, pigs as pets?


Max: Yeah, we would just have pigs and people would forget that you make bacon out of pigs, you know. They'd just be like, That's my pig Porky, don't I would never eat. It's like a dog, I would never eat my dog.


Keiran: Then, we'll feed the pig laboratory grown bacon but they won't know.


Max: Oh, ew.


Keiran: And maybe we won't even know by that time, well some people won't know.


Max: We already don't know what we're buying in a supermarket.


Keiran: Yeah, that's pretty much true. Alright, next one.


Max: In the year 2050, drugs will be so potent, they will kill you in one hit.


Keiran: Alright, that needs explanation. Why? What do you, like what drug?


Max: Well, let's say like future cocaine, if you do it once, you'll die because it just sends your heart into such a like, such a high pace speed that you die of shock.


Keiran: Right.


Max: Like drugs would get too refined, they'll be too strong.


Keiran: I kind of agree but I kind of disagree, like I think in the future, drugs will be refined but in a way that they will be less dangerous so that people will just get bored of them quicker and move on with their lives.


Max: Yeah, yeah.That would make sense, like.


Keiran: Because why would we make them more dangerous? Unless they're used to kill people.


Max: Well, apparently, weed now is way stronger than it used to be.


Keiran: Oh, it's crazy.


Max: Like it blows your mind, whereas, before you could kind of function like pretty normally.


Keiran: Yeah, right.


Max: So if we keep that trend going.


Keiran: Maybe. Okay, is it me or you now?


Max: It's you.


Keiran: Okay. In the year 2050 children will go to school naked in efforts to reduce sexual obsession in their teenage years.


Max: They're gonna be cold.


Keiran: Okay, maybe they'll be naked like, at play time inside the gymnasium or something.


Max: Yeah, like how, yeah, I mean, that makes, I mean, that's a good way to make people less sex crazed.


Keiran: Right, because than you get over like the opposite sex's naked body, like, because people are just maniacs because we, I think, like porn is insane how it's everywhere.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Like if you google, like Frozen the Disney movie, you just get like, Frozen porn and it's just like, why? If kids just saw bodies naked earlier, they wouldn't care as much I think.


Max: Oh, there's another one, Overwatch is a game you can play, it's like an online like 5 on 5 team game.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: I didn't even know this but apparently they took the models from that game and made porn out of the characters in the game, with the actual models.


Keiran: Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.


Max: I was just like, what the fuck?


Keiran: Okay, next one.


Max:Is it me?


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: Oh. In the year 2050, we will have a mine on the moon.


Keiran: A mine mining moon rocks?


Max: Yeah, mining like ores and moon powder and shit.


Keiran: I wonder what they're gonna do with it.


Max: Make moon cocaine. That shit's gonna be so refined, it'll kill you in one hit.


Keiran: Yeah, I think it's just gonna be marketable because of the name. Alright.


Max: Mooncaine.


Keiran: Mooncaine. And maybe it'll do it in Mars too. In the year 2050, France will be forced to accept English as the international business language and they'll be very upset about it.


Max: France?


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: I thought you meant Quebec.


Keiran. No, France, well Quebec too.


Max: France doesn't operate in English?


Keiran: They will, they'll like have to operate in English inside their own country.


Max: Oh, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, I'd buy that.


Keiran: I don't know.


Max: Or Mandarin.


Keiran: I just they'd get very upset, oh Mandarin, yeah maybe Mandarin, that could possibly happen.


Max: They're so close to China.


Keiran: That would be very bad for us though. We would have to spend a lot of time learning Mandarin. 


Max: Really. And we would be like the obtuse kind of out of the, we would just be weird in the social situations. People would be like, those guys don't know how to talk.


Keiran: But I don't think the language is hard to learn, I think it's just the writing.


Max: Okay.


Keiran: Anyways, let's keep going.


Max: Okay. In the year 2050, all our toothbrushes will be electric. We'll just only have electric toothbrushes.


Keiran: Why?


Max: It just seems futuristic, I don't know.


Keiran: I already have electric toothbrushes.


Max: I don't.


Keiran: Well, maybe that's because you're poor. In the year 2050, my daughter will disappoint me with her choice of a partner.


Max: Yeah, yeah I buy that.


Keiran: I think every parents are disappointed by their children in some way, so I'm just assuming it's gonna happen.


Max: My parents are, yeah, yeah, definitely. Okay, in the year 2050 IKEA furniture will just be a piece of wood because of wood shortages.


Keiran: Yeah, you just buy like a block of wood.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: It's like a piece of furniture.


Max: Yeah, when you buy a table it's just like a 2x4 you put on your leg and you just write on it, you know. And your bed is just like 10 pieces of wood and that's it, you put a mattress on that.


Keiran: I can see that happening, like you just get a piece of, like it's like a shaped piece of wood or something.


Max: Oh, oh like a 3D printed piece of wood so the shape just comes out in one piece.


Keiran: But would it be wood? Could they print wood?


Max: They could, well...


Keiran: Maybe by then.


Max: You could probably pack wood together but I don't think you can print it.


Keiran: In the year 2050 I will have much more money.


Max: Yeah, that's likely.


Keiran: It's just a hope. [Laughter]


Max: I mean, if you keep working, yeah.


Keiran: Yeah, no, everyone, I think everyone's income increases over time.


Max: That's 34 years, I don't wanna work that long. Jesus Christ.


Keiran: Yeah I think I'll be retired hopefully by then. If I'm not retired by then, I'll be very...


Max: You'll be 64.


Keiran: Or I better have like a sugar mama. Like my wife better be loaded.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Alright, your turn.


Max: Okay, we're gonna do more?


Keiran: Yeah, one more each.


Max: Uh, k, in the year 2050 weed will be a dinner garnish, like an aperitif people have before they eat dinner. 


Keiran: Okay, what do you mean by dinner garnish or an aperitif, just in case people don't know those words?


Max: So, aperitif usually is a little alcohol you have before dinner to get your appetite going. I think people are going to do that with weed to get hungrier, enjoy the meal more.


Keiran: That makes sense. Weed makes you hungry. Do you eat it or do you smoke it or what?


Max: Um, I think you would probably, I don't know, probably eat it if it's the future, people are real conscious about their lungs, right?


Keiran: Right. Alright, here's the last one. In the year 2050 today's first world countries will have been exposed for exploiting other countries around the world and will no longer be thought of in high regard.


Max: Yep.


Keiran: Yeah, I think that's slowly happening.


Max: Yeah with the information technology and the internet and stuff, people learning about everything. Yeah.


Keiran: Right, right. I think Canada and the US's reputations are going down the drain.


Max: Into the pooper.


Keiran: Into the pooper. Alright guys, that's the end of the podcast "In the year 2050". I invite you to come on the Facebook group and write what you think the world will be like in the year 2050. So just leave a comment in the section below, maybe if Max is up for it he can make one more, I don't know.


Max: Flying care, we didn't say flying cars.


Keiran: Yeah, we'll have flying cars.


Max: That's the number one cliche. We gotta have flying cars.


Keiran: We gotta stop building highways if we're gonna have flying cars.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Alright guys, so join us in the comment section on Facebook. Put what you think will happen in the year 2050

Sep 10, 2016

A little more than a month ago I learnt about Elon Musk with one of my students, and since then this article has been stuck in my head. Today we talk about, and learn a little English while having fun of course!

Sep 8, 2016

The story telling challenge is finally back! Head over to the Uncensored English webpage, uncensoredenglish.ca, click on my big face, the image with tape across my mouth. Yeah seriously click it and have fun participating in the challenge! Cant wait to hear the ending you come up with!

Sep 6, 2016

Ahhh ESL schools, our former homes and workplaces. Frandy and Keiran discuss ESL schools, the pros, the cons, and should you attend one.

Sep 3, 2016

People who say crazy is a bad word or a negative thing are crazy, well not always, but sometimes, but seriously today we talk about degrees of insanity.

1