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Uncensored English

Looking for a different angle on English language podcasts? Keiran the crazy Canadian goes where the other English podcasts don't... and more. Keiran and his native English guests discuss politically incorrect subjects as well as general English language, idioms, expressions, culture and more all while having natural unscripted conversations. This podcasts feature an educational exploration of language ranging from every day expressions, pop culture expressions, explicit language and anything in between. The podcast is geared towards adults students, professionals, university students as well as ESL teachers who want to step out of the "Safe Space" of the English language education community and have a little more fun. Join Keiran and his guests in their down to earth humorous conversations and learn to speak a more universal edgy form of English like a native! English ISN'T always PC!!!
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Now displaying: Page 5
Oct 8, 2016

Oh the story telling challenge! What actually happened to those bikes? We also speak about moving towards fluency, and a streak of bad luck.

Oct 5, 2016

By request of a student I made the podcast to give you listeners out there multiple ways to say the word "going" Also we discuss a sad movie and why its ok to break rules sometimes. 

 

*** Transcript***

 

Keiran: How is it going everybody? Today, is Wednesday, October the fifth. Which means I am not teaching, but I am working doing a podcast. I'm doing my second to the last comedy show tonight and I'm helping my wife with this English assignment she has. She has to compare the play of this Rex which I talked about in Saturday's podcast on the first. And this, oh my god this emotionally wrenching film I just watched that's called "Philomena", which I have to admit I cried my eyes out like a baby during the film. That was a very sad film. I wish I'd never had watched it. But it's probably, it's probably a pretty good film. I think if you guys watch it you'll probably like it, it's tough to watch though. It's about a girl, a young woman who got pregnant and she was a nun in a convent which means she was a Catholic and she lived with a whole bunch of other women in the convent. They can't have sex, so she broke her vows, she got pregnant and then the sisters of the convent made her give away the baby when she was very young and at fifty she decide, it's not her fifty, it's like seven years and then she decides to go and try to find her son. And then in the end she ends up finding that he had died and blah blah blah, and oh my god it's sad I cried. [Chuckles] I haven't cried for a while but I cried during that movie, so. You better not be laughing at me. You cry too! I know you do stop lying. Stop saying you don't. Everybody cries. Even men, men cry. So, yes and today I wanted to talk about something, I was teaching a class on Tuesday and one of my students, she said, you know, I know I've improved in my English but I'm still not where I want to be yet and I feel like I'm always using the same words. And I've heard this a lot from many different students and it's a funny thing because I don't think an English person will ever worry about this and I don't think you in your native language will ever worry about the words you're using, yet people seem concerned that they sound overly simple. So today I'm going to give you guys a few different ways you can say that you're going somewhere, very simple ways to say this in a different way. But I mean this, this conversation I had with this student and with many other students made me realize, what are you learning the language for? You know. Is it because you want to communicate a message and connect with another person? Or is it because you want to seem intelligent? So I don't know if saying something in many different ways is actually helpful. I mean, I know you want to understand the language but maybe that's something to contemplate for everyone out there who's listening to this podcast. Why am I learning to speak this language? Right?

Okay. So sometimes in English, sometimes in English. Sometimes we're talking and we say, we are going somewhere. I'm going to go to the store and get some food. Later on I'm going to go to a party or maybe you're saying, Hey! Where did John go? He went to the the party to go get hammered. To go get drunk. To go have some fun. But you're tired of saying it in the same way all the time. So here are two different words you can use to say the same thing but in a different way. So instead of saying, "I'm going to the store", you can say, "I'm heading to the store", just like your head. Think of it as if all your decisions are made in your brain. So your brain is leading the way. "I'm heading to the store to get some booze." "I'm heading to the store to buy some ingredients before it closes, so I can cook you dinner". So if you ever want to say you're going somewhere but you're tired of saying you're going somewhere, you can now say, "I'm heading to the party at eight o'clock later tonight". Where did John go? "Oh, John is heading off to the football game. It's the last game of the season. He's heading to the football game." Okay. So that's the first word you can use instead of the verb go or going or went. He headed to the party, you can also say in the past. The second one we can use is, "off to". Where are you going? "Well, I'm off to the store." "I'm off to the store to get some ingredients." Where are you going next year? "Next year I'm off to South Korea. I'm going to go live there and I'm going to learn the language, so I can perform comedy in Korean. I'm going to be off to Korea in a few years." "I'm off to." Actually I just thought of something funny that happened this weekend that kind of a pissed me off a little. I realized as time goes by, one of the things that really pisses me off, one of my pet peeves, is people mindlessly following rules. You know, we have rules to create a society so that everything kind of works and we all can get through our days. That's why we have rules like stop sign and traffic rules and speeding limits, so everyone can kind of lives seamlessly together but sometimes the rules don't really make sense. You know. So I was at my sister's wedding on Saturday and after the wedding we were all getting into the cars. We were going to go to a restaurant for the dinner and then the party afterwards. And I go get in my car. And we were in this small parking lot and there was only one way to get in the parking lot. It was a one way road which came off of the main road, which will lead right to the parking lot. But before it entered the parking lot, the road split in two. So you could go around the left to the parking lot or you could enter the parking lot. And of course this is a one way road so you can only go towards the parking lot or around the parking lot. And we were all in our car and everyone else was in their car and then the limo that the bridal party was in was parked in front of the building and they were blocking the exit to the parking lot. So there's this big line of cars accumulating behind the limo and I didn't really want to wait. So what I started to do is I started to drive out the exit of the parking lot, which of course you're not supposed to do. It's a one way road, but you can see all the way down to the end of the road and there's no cars coming down that one way road. And so I drove out the exit and then I drove right to where it fork and I turned right in the fork of the road and then I went by the limo and I got out of the parking lot. But while I was going towards that parking lot exit. I mean entrance. Well, I'm not supposed to be going out there, my aunt was waiting in line with all the other cars and she saw me and she started waving and she'll be like, "No no no no no no! You're heading in the wrong way. You're heading in the wrong way Carrie. Don't go there." And I was just, "Oh God, and as I, everyone in the car was getting very upset because they all knew that that was a one way road. But then on the other hand it doesn't really matter that that is a one way road because there were no cars in clear sight coming down that road. So it was really pointless to acknowledge that as a one way road. Wow! I wonder if that was clear. I think it was pretty clear. You know. If you've listened to this podcast and it wasn't clear to me, let me know. I mean, clear to you, let me know. But let's summarize this real quickly. So today we talked about two different ways you can say you're going somewhere, instead of saying you're going somewhere. So we can say we are heading to the pool, instead of saying you're going to the pool or if someone says, Hey! Where is Jen going? You could say, "She's off to the pool." Alright guys. That's the end of this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful. Rate it, review it, and we'll catch you next time on the next podcast... Uncensored English.

Oct 4, 2016

Sometimes you don't appreciate things until they're gone, today on the podcast David Peachy and I reminisce about things we miss. 

 

*** Transcript*** 

 

Keiran: All right. So I'm glad to have David back on the podcast with us today. How's it going David?

 

David: Hi, good, Keiran and I'm glad to be back here as well.


Keiran: Right, right. You know David I was just thinking the other day. I was - I'm researching into either going - I'm going to move to Korea, move back to Korea again in the year.

 

David: Okay.

 

Keiran: Or possibly back to Russia.

David: Ooh.


Keiran: And I started to remember when I was living in Korea the first time there were so many things, small things that I missed.


David: Uh-hmm.

 

Keiran: That I couldn't get while I was over there.

 

David: Okay, so things that you could easily get in Canada but were almost nonexistent in Korean or very difficult?

 

Keiran: Right, exactly. Did you ever have that experience living abroad where all of a sudden, like you just realize these small things that you had once in your life time, you never appreciate and now you've found it really hard to get by without them?

 

David: Yes, it's usually when I'm not prepared.  As an Australian I always take Vegemite with me when I travel because I know no other country will eat it so... [laugh]

 

Keiran: Yes. [laugh]

 

David: I keep my own stock.

 

Keiran: By the way can you explain to us what Vegemite is? Because I remember the first time I heard about it, I had never heard of it before.

 

David: Okay. It's a paste. It's dark, very dark brown, almost black. You spread it on your toast or you spread it on bread to make a simple sandwich. The big mistake people make with it is that they think it is sweet and they think you can put a lot of it on the bread. No, this is as salty as hell. But some reason we love it. It's a yeast based extract. And I think Australians love it because it's what we're fed as children with it, Vegemite sandwiches and we grow up having Vegemite on toast, but we know to spread it very, very, very thinly just to get that salty taste on top of the butter.

 

Keiran: Right, right. Okay.

 

David: You can't slather on of course.

 

Keiran: So aside from Vegemite, what did you find hard to get by without when you were living abroad?


David: One thing I really remember when I was living in Slovakia right on the Slovak Czech border, I was looking for peanut butter. And I realized after hours and hours of searching in many supermarkets that I couldn't find peanut butter anywhere and I had to ask my friends in both countries, in Slovakia and the Czech Republic. I had said like,"Guys, where do you keep your peanut butter? What's happened? It doesn't exist?]


Keiran: Yeah, yeah. [laugh] It's just kind of something you take for granted that peanut butter is everywhere when it's not, right?

 

David: Exactly. And it turned out it's a seasonal thing.


Keiran: Ah.

 

David: Yes. So, it will turn up for - every few months it will turn up in the supermarkets and then it sells out, disappear, supermarkets have nothing for a few more months so it comes in waves. That was an interesting experience just to realize that, yes, peanut butter was not available.

 

Keiran: Yes, I guess you became aware of your fondness of peanut butter during that time.

 

David: Exactly, so what's something that you missed when you when you were in Korea?


Keiran: Well this is funny. This is not actually something I really missed but I think people around me missed, this sounds strange but I actually have no - my nose doesn't really work. I don't have a sense of smell.

 

David: Okay.

 

Keiran: And I remember when I, you know, when you start to become, I guess when you go through puberty and you start to - your body starts to change, kids, at least in North America and I think most other parts of the world start to wear deodorant because they start getting quite stinky, right?

 

David: Yes or smelly.

 

Keiran: [laugh] Right but the weird thing is in South Korea you can't - they don't use deodorant.

 

David: Okay.

 

Keiran: They don't have it in major department stores. I think, I'm not sure why but they just, they don't sweat in the same way that we do, something about their pores or something.

 

David: Wow.

 

Keiran: So, yes, I know. You seem confused like your face looks confused as I'm telling you this.

 

David: Exactly.

 

Keiran: So I went over there and I was there for a few months and then my deodorant stick ran out. And then I went to the store to go buy more but they don't have any because they don't use it.

 

David: Would they use something talcum powder or would they just wash very, very well? Like, I-

 

Keiran: They just don't smell. They don't smell strongly as, I guess.

 

David: [laugh] As we do.

 

Keiran: Other people around the world.

 

David: As we sweaty people do. Yes.

 

Keiran: Yes, exactly. And so I had to travel to the - to Itaewon which is the-

 

David: Itaewon, yes, I know Itaewon, yes.

 

Keiran: It's like the little hub of all the people from around the world who come to live in Korea. What's it called? I'm missing the word. It's like the expat hub.

 

David: Expats, yes.

 

Keiran: It's like the expat hub and that's the only place in Korea that I could buy deodorant. And it was at a very high price too. [laugh] Because they're the only place that had it, you know. So I'd have to pay more than I was used to paying for it.


David: Wow. Okay.

 

Keiran: Thought it's weird. But if you look up they have all these videos on YouTube like, what's it like dating like a Japanese woman or what's it like dating an Australian women or how to date Canadian women if you're Korean? And then if you ever get to the Korean and like foreigner videos they always say a lot of Korean men or women complain that their partners they smell a lot because they're just not used to the strong body odor that we have, I guess. 

 

David: Yeah, I wonder[?], I mean it could be genetics or like do you think maybe it's a diet thing?

 

Keiran: No, I think it's a genetic thing. I'm pretty sure it's a genetic thing.

 

David: Okay, I've never clicked on that because I had swung through Korean a couple of times and spent a couple of weeks on my way through but I still had my deodorant stick at the end of my journey. So, yes, that never became a necessity. I was, yes, quite surprised about that.


Keiran: Yes. So again I didn't really miss it because I can't smell but I think people around me missed that I didn't have it. [laugh]

 

David: They noticed. Wow. So is there anything that you, well now you're back home, is there anything that you miss from Korea?

 

Keiran: Oh, yes, for sure. I just miss the food. Korean food is just so great.

 

David: Is this the street food or just the restaurant food or both?

 

Keiran: It's everything and it's not even the food it's also the service. Like when you go into a restaurant in Korea, you're served immediately and you pick what you want and they bring it to your table and most Korean restaurants, it's cooked right in front of you.

 

David: Oh yes, yes, yes. Yes, we still keep that tradition in some of the new Korean restaurants here in Australia.

 

Keiran: Right, right. And that's great. And it's, it feels just better than when you go to, like another restaurant in North America and you got to sit there and then you get your menu and then they say "Do you want a drink?" and then they come back five minutes later and take your order and then you wait for thirty minutes and there it's just, it's immediate and you get served and your eating, right?

 

David: Cooking in front of you.

 

Keiran: Yes.

 

David: Nice.

 

Keiran: What about you? Is there anything you miss now that you're back at home from the foreign country you lived in?

 

David: Yes, there was something and this is again in Slovakia, probably because I spent most time there. I liked how Slovaks treated lunch time as a serious matter. Like you - it was almost unthinkable to work through your lunch hour. If you would actually stop, you would leave the office or leave the business. If it's a small business you would actually close the business for an hour and you'd go to the local restaurant that have a daily menu special, which was incredibly cheap. You would literally pay about three or four euros and that would get you a starter soup, a main meal which is usually something with a lot of dumplings or sauce and probably even a drink on top of that for about three or four euros. And, yes, it was just such a lovely break in the middle of the day. It made you feel like, yes, this is - it's not all about work.

 

Keiran: Yes and that's how it should be. You shouldn't be encouraged to shovel your food down your throat as quick as you can.


David: Yes.

 

Keiran: Before you get back to another four hours of work.


David: Yes, I think-


Keiran: Like it's...

 

David: Yes, I had a discussion with one of my students there about take-away coffee and, I mean it exists in Slovakia but it's not really the thing you do because again, if you have to take away your coffee or you have to work while drinking your coffee there's something wrong. Why do you have to work so hard?


Keiran: Right.


David: Don't you have the time to actually sit down and enjoy a coffee?


Keiran: Right, exactly.

 

David: So, yes, this take-away coffee hasn't really take an off in Slovakia.


Keiran: No, that's good. [laugh]

 

David: Yes, it probably is . Yes.

 

Keiran: All right guys, we're going to wrap this up. So thank you David for coming on here and discussing with me about things that you missed while you were both living abroad and at home.

 

David: It's a pleasure being here?.

 

Keiran: Yes and why don't you guys join us in the Facebook group under this podcast that we're going to post. Just post a few things that you miss while you've been traveling abroad. Tell me and David what you missed when you were traveling or what you missed now that you're back at home.

 

David: Yes, we'd love to hear them.


Keiran: Right. All right guys. And that's it. So we'll catch you on the next podcast of Uncensored English.

Oct 1, 2016

On the drive up to Absolute Comedy in Ottawa we talk about the future, driverless cars, Oedipus Rex, and I ramble about some other shit. 

Sep 30, 2016

One more week guys! Get cracking and get your story ending in!

Sep 28, 2016

Sometimes you need to tell people to stop talking, we'll help you with that!

 

***Transcript***

Keiran: So, today on the podcast we have someone we haven't had on here for a while back on here. How's it going, Gabriel?

 

Gabriel: [coughs] Pretty good. Sorry, I've been out I've been really sick. Coming down from a really bad case of Mono, short for mononucleosis which is a degenerative disease that attacks your immune system but I've been recovering the last three months or so. 

 

Keiran: Gross. Is it mono something you get from being a slut and just fooling around with lots of people?

 

Gabriel: Yes, maybe. It's the disease of love, baby. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

 

Keiran: Great, man. We're glad that you're bouncing back from mono so what's new with you lately? Have you been up to anything, other the usual or...?

 

Gabriel: I was in school. Yes, I'm in school. I lector [?] a class and I hate the class so much and I was so hangover this Monday. What hangover means is I drank a lot of alcohol on Sunday and on Monday I felt so bad. I left the class and I dropped it for my schedule. 

 

Keiran: So, you dropped the class. You have less work now.

 

Gabriel: Yes, oh, yes. No, it was my only class so I have no school this semester.

 

Keiran: Was it not the only class you have to do to finish your university?

 

Gabriel: Yes, I hated it that much. There was no way I was going to pass this class. It was so boring and hard that I said, "I'm going to take the easy class", which is in January which I want to do initially, but I'll take the easy class instead of this home-boring, hard class with this Hillary-loving teacher. I'm guessing, I'm not...

 

Keiran: My wife is doing eight classes. 

 

Gabriel: That's crazy.

 

Keiran: I know and she also--

 

Gabriel: But they're all designing clothes, right? It's like, learning how to saw one on one or...

 

Keiran: A lot of our fashion design courses but she's also doing language courses which is really hard. I mean, she only start to learn English when she met me. It's one of those essay classes you had to do in citizenship [?], in university. She's doing those with basically really basic writing abilities. It's really tough for her but...We get to know your being lazy and enjoy. Enjoying, you're fucked. Can't handle one class. It's funny. 

 

Gabriel: It was honestly awful. They were basically just talking about none issues. They're talking about why are artist arted [?]. How's this not arted, that's not arted. It was like, "Oh my God. I don't care. I don't care about art. I don't care about Ivana Abramovic [?] or whatever stupid name is. 

 

Keiran: If you hate it, I mean, if you hate the class it means you will drop earlier, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, I'm just going to do comedy. I'm hosting McLean's on Sunday. It's going to be fun. Come on down folks if you're in the area.

 

Keiran: Yes, people around the world come to McLean's. Alright. Okay, let's get started with the podcast here today. Today, we're going to be talking about idioms or expressions that we use in English to tell people to stop talking. We want to be quiet. Let's just say, what's the first one that comes to your mind, the one that you think you say the most.?

 

Gabriel: "Shut up" is the most common one that I've heard.

 

Keiran: Okay and "shut up" is something you can use with anyone or all the time or what's...?

 

Gabriel: It's a bit rude. I mean, I tell my mom to shut up a lot but it's, I think I don't think you should tell your moms to shut up because they all might get upset. My mom gets upset at me every time I tell her to shut up, she's like, "I'm your mother. You came out of me," and I'm just like, "Aw, whatever lady." 

 

Keiran: I think it's a little bit of a rude word, right? The way I use "shut up" the most is to my dog.

 

Grabriel: Yes, it's true. Yes,yes, yes, a pet doesn't know. You just yell at a pet.

 

Keiran: Yes, the other night, my sister brought her dog over because they had to fumigate their house or something. Then at 9:30, the dog just supposed to start barking and I was just like, "Ah, shut up! Shut up you dumb dogs." And my dog's sleeping, I don't know.

 

Gabriel: They shut up.

 

Keiran: Yes, they did shut up. 

 

Gabriel: They understand it?

 

Keiran: Yes, they responded "shut up", man. It's great.

 

Gabriel: That's hilarious [?].

 

Keiran: I think the other way I use it is in a...not a library, in a movie theater. Every time I go, it's inevitable that someone will be talking behind me and eating popcorn really loud and I'll just go, "Shut up, God."

 

Gabriel: Really? I don't know. I'm kind of nervous to yell shut up it appears in a movie theater especially the type of people that make a lot of noise. You will see they're like that type of person. I don't want to say shut up to that type of person. 

 

Keiran: I mean, I always look first to make sure they're not bigger than me. 

 

Gabriel: Make sure like their weight?

 

Keiran: Make sure their weight or make sure that they're not more people than I am. Okay. So, shut up is rude. You can use it if you have that kind of relationship with your mom or with your dog. 

 

Gabriel: I yell shut up at my bird now. My live bird.

 

Keiran: You got to be careful with shut up though, right? You can't use it, really, all the time with anyone.

 

Gabriel: No. The entire opposite side of that is you could be really, really polite with asking people to quiet down. You can ask politely, "I'm sorry. Do you mind if you shut up or...?" no. You know what I mean. It's like, "Do you mind? You're making a lot of noise."

 

Keiran: Yes, that's probably the better approach to the movie theater situation too, right?

 

Gabriel: That's true. 

 

Keiran: Just turn around, go, "Guys, do you mind? I paid $10 to watch this movie. It's started. Can you stop talking, please?"

 

Gabriel: Yes.

 

Keiran: Right. So, "do you mind?". "Do you mind?" is the polite way or you just say "Could you guys be quiet"? What about other expressions. Do you have any other ones that you ever heard or you ever use a lot?

 

Gabriel: My dad says "cork down" a lot.

 

Keiran: "Cork down", you mean "cork it"? Put a cork in it?

 

Gabriel: Yes, yes. Sorry. My dad says "put a cork in it."

 

Keiran: That's one that my dad says. The other day we were having dinner and my daughter wanted to have a chocolate. We have this box of chocolates and my mom was like, "Well, you can have a chocolate if you have one more carrot and one more cucumber and a piece of broccoli, you can have one chocolate." My daughter just looked really annoyed by that and I told my daughter, "You know what, Michelle, in 20 years we can go see grandma in the retirement home and bring a box of chocolates." Then, when she asked her one, you could go like, "Well grandma, you can have a chocolate if you have one more carrot, one more cucumber." My dad was like, "Keiran, put a cork in it."   

 

Gabriel: It sounds so funny.

 

Keiran: He thought I was being rude but I don't know. I know it was pretty funny thing to do but...Who says "put a cork in it" in your life? Is it your dad?

 

Gabriel: No, I was making fun of you. 

 

Keiran: You're making of fun me, thanks. Good, dumbass.

 

Gabriel: Corked it.

 

Keiran: We said "shut up", "put a cork in it", "do you mind?". Do you have any other ones that come into your mind?

 

Gabriel: You can say "excuse me". I guess it's also "do you mind".

 

Keiran: Yes, it's a polite way of "excuse me".

 

Gabriel: [inaudible] You said "simmer down" but I don't know anyone's ever said that, ever. Maybe in the UK.

 

Keiran: "Simmer down", yes. "Simmer down" and "pipe down". Like "simmer down" and "pipe down", they're not really telling someone to stop talking. They're telling someone to make less noise, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, it's true, yes. Keep it down or even like take it easy. 

 

Keiran: Right. There are some, maybe a school teacher like, "Simmer down kids. We're in the library. We can't make too much noise." The one I remember from elementary school is when my, the teachers would turn the lights off to get people to be quiet and then after a little while the kids would start talking again then the teacher would be like, "Guys, zip your lips and then lock it and throw the key away."

 

Gabriel: Oh, my God. 

 

Keiran: Did you ever hear that one?

 

Gabriel: I guess so. I have in cheesy cartoons or remember Austin Powers the movie? Dr. Evil was like zip it, zip it. That's a good one. 

 

Keiran: Yes, like, zip it. Zip it. Who is he saying it to?

 

Gabriel: Everybody I think or his son, Seth or I remember, Scott.

 

Keiran: Right. Scott, zip it. That's all I got in my mind, man. What's the funniest way you've ever told someone to shut up or the funniest situation you've yelled bad at people?

 

Gabriel: When you're like, I'm trying to think. When someone gets really, really mad at you and then...it's almost like you don't even realize they're getting that mad at you so you just say like, "Come on, there. Relax," and they get even more angrier after you say relax to them. If you say that to a boss or something, or someone that employs you, if you tell a boss to be quiet, they get so angry. It's like...yes.

 

Keiran: Yes, I got fired for that. 

 

Gabriel: Isn't that stupid? They get so, "Relax? Relax, really, relax? The opposite.

 

Keiran: It's an ego thing. They're like, "You can't tell me to relax. I am the one who tells you."

 

Gabriel: I'm like, "Come on dude. Be quiet." I guess it's similar to being quiet is like to relax. Calm your nerves or your temper or like...It's like implying to stop making noise. 

 

Keiran: Yes, it's telling them to shut up with a different word or telling them to just calm down. I remember when I worked in an Italian Supper Club and they had this new bar that was outside. I was closing it up and you had this plastic windows you had to roll down at the end of the night and I was rolling it down and then the lowest manager in the totem pole was like, "K, you're rolling it down from the wrong side." I stopped rolling it down so I could go do it on the other side but he was wasted and was like, "K, you roll it...K! You're rolling it down from the wrong, K! You're rolling it..." He said it like seven times and I was just like, "Fuck! I heard you the first time, man." Then, they had a meeting about me that I was not invited to.

 

Gabriel: Loser.

 

Keiran: I know. All six managers had a meeting and they were like, "Kieran, we're going to let you go." I just said, "All right, whatever."

 

Gabriel: He was calling you K?

 

Keiran: Yes, they called me K. 

 

Gabriel: That's so weird. 

 

Keiran: They're too lazy to say the whole name.

 

Gabriel: It's not like a good name for you to use the first letter. It just sounds like a drug.

 

Keiran: We'll going do all this and play, man. 

 

Gabriel: Yes, that's it. 

 

Keiran: All right, man. Let's recap this. We talked about "shut up", "do you mind?", "put a cork in it", "pipe down", "simmer down" and zip your lips and "zip it". Which is the most polite one people can use to tell other people to be quiet?

 

Gabriel: I'd say, start with "do you mind?".

 

Keiran: All right and from do you mind, where do we go?

 

Gabriel: I guess from "do you mind" would be "simmer down", sounds kind of dorky [crosstalk]

 

Keiran: It's kind of friendly, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, and then "zip it", sounds like, I don't know. It's not bad but you know...

 

Keiran: It's kind of funny. 

 

Gabriel: If you were tell a guy in the bus to zip it, and the guy would, "You sort of...", He'd like you wouldn't want to know if he wants like, he could ask or not. He would like, "I don't know. Is he telling me to zip it?"

 

Keiran: Right. Everything you do is like an Austin Powers like reference him in...So, "do you mind", "simmer down", "zip it".

 

Gabriel: I guess "shut up" is the worst.

 

Keiran: Yes, "shut up" is the worst and "put a cork in it" is kind of crude. It's probably below "shut up" and then "shut up" is just the most like, "I don't give a shit about what you think just stop making noise, please."

 

Gabriel: Yes. You can even add like, "Shut the fuck up," in there. 

 

Keiran: That's not for your mom. 

 

Gabriel: No. "Shut the fuck up, stupid."

 

Keiran: That's for your dog when your mom's not in the house or something. 

 

Gabriel: Or you feel like you finally want to kick your dad's ass. You're like, "I'm tired shut your ass up."

 

Keiran: When does that happen? I don't know. I've never tried it, I think I could not kick my dad's ass. He's bigger than me, man. 

 

Gabriel: Thanksgiving 2008. [inaudible]

 

Keiran: It's the end of Keiran's life. All right, Gabriel. We're going to wrap it up. Do you have anything else you want to say to the people of the world who you haven't spoken to in a while?

 

Gabriel: You can send me emails at gabomassi@gmail.com, let me know how much you enjoy me. G-A-B-O-M-A-S-S-I at Gmail dot com. Send me an email like a quest finding with people from the internet. You could ask...you know. 

 

Keiran: Is that your real email? 

 

Gabriel: Yes, gabomassi@gmail.com.

 

Keiran: Yes. You just gave that to hundreds of people so.

 

Gabriel: That's amazing. 

 

Keiran: If you want to send Gabe an email, you can. If you want to spam him or send him like viruses to fuck off his computer, you can do too. 

 

Gabriel: Send me an email and I'll read on the podcast next time if I get any and then I'll, I don't know. I'll send you like an autograph, picture or whatever. 

 

Keiran: Yes, we can do an interview session with Gabriel. You can ask him personal questions or something. All right, man. Thanks for coming on the podcast and helping us out. 

 

Gabriel: Yes, no problem. It was a lot of fun. 

 

Keiran: All right, and if you guys enjoyed Gabriel, he's been on several other podcasts, you can check them out. The first podcast he did with me though is how to use the word "fuck". I think the third one how do you use the word "shit".

 

[end]

Sep 26, 2016

When I became certified to teach English they told me not to use children's book, movies, and tv shows. They said it was condescending. So I guess today I'll be condescending to you... let me know if you've found it useful!

 

*** Transcript *** 

 

Keiran: Hello everyone. Today on Uncensored English, I'm inside a tent with Michelle Leilani. How are you doing, Michelle?

 

Michelle: Good.

 

Keiran: What are we about to do?

 

Michelle: We're going to read some books.

 

Keiran: What book we’re going to read?

 

Michelle: We're going to read Miss Scary.

 

Keiran: And before we read the book I wanted to tell you guys that when I was taking my, what was it called CELTA Course, he told us not to read or show students kids' books or kids' cartoons because it was insulting or rude to the adults there. We're going to read this book and I want you guys to let me know what you think. Was there anything that you could have learned from this book?  All right. Are ready to read the book Michelle?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Before we read the book can I ask you a few questions?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Okay, what is your favorite color?

 

Michelle: Pink.

 

Keiran: Why?

 

Michelle: Because it's whiter and a little bit white.

 

Keiran: Okay, if you were any animal, what animal would you want to be?

 

Michelle: I want to be a giraffe.

 

Keiran: Why would you be a giraffe?

 

Michelle: Because then I have my neck and I could reach the leaves and eat them.

 

Keiran: You want to eat leaves?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Why? They’re not yummy.

 

Michelle: But you know giraffe eat leaves.

 

Keiran: Okay. Are you scared of monsters?

 

Michelle: Yeah.

 

Keiran: What kinds of monster are scared of?

 

Michelle: Every monster.

 

Keiran: Okay. And what's your favorite thing to do when you're at home?

 

Michelle: My favorite thing is to spend time with my daddy, mommy.

 

Keiran: Ohhh. You’re such a cutie pie. Okay, let's read the book.  The book is called?

 

Michelle: Mr. Scary.

 

Keiran: No.

 

Michelle: Misis Scary.

 

Keiran: Little Miss Scary.

 

Michelle: Scary.

 

Keiran: Okay, open the book please. Let's read it. Little Miss Scary. "Little Miss Scary lived near the top of a mountain in a house called ‘Spooky Cottage’. When it was dark she would creep into the valley below, making sure that nobody saw her." Okay, next page.

 

Michelle: [inaudible] please [inaudible]

 

Keiran: No you hold it, okay? I'll hold it. Give it to me. Easier[?] [inaudible]. "And there she would wait very quietly until somebody came along. And when that somebody did, she would tiptoe up behind them, open her mouth wide and shout, BOO!” Is that a nice thing to do?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Keiran: And do you know why Little Miss Scary did this for fun. You see she loved to scare people more than anything else in the world. And she was very good at it. “She scared them stiff. BOO!”

 

Michelle: Look! There's a bug in here.

 

Keiran: It's okay. We’ll get it after. "She scared them out of their wits, BOO! She even scared them right out of their socks, BOO!" Who's that in the picture?

 

Michelle: Mr. Jelly?

 

Keiran: Is his socks falling off because he's so scared?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Oh my God. That's crazy.

 

Michelle: Crazy-Daisy.

 

Keiran: Crazy-Daisy. "About a week ago Mr. Noisy went to see his friend Mr. Jelly. Mr. Noisy was worried because he hadn't heard from his friend for ages. When he got to Mr. Jelly's house, he knocked on the door. Spookily, the door swung open by itself. “Hello?”, called Mr. Noisy as softly as he could, which for you or me would have been a shout. Then he heard a chattering noise coming from the bedroom. Mr. Noisy found Mr. Jelly hiding under his bed his teeth chattering in fear. “Whatever's the...”, began Mr. Noisy. And then remembered himself, “Whatever's the matter Mr. Jelly?” “It's-it's-it's Little Miss Scary," chattered Mr. Jelly trembling in fear.  She-she-she-she keeps jumping out and shouting b-b-b-b-boo at me. Mr. Noisy made Mr. Jelly a cup of tea, calmed him down and told him what they were going to do. Just as it was getting dark, they hid behind a bush, behind the lane that led up to Mr. Jelly's house. They waited until they saw the Little Miss Scary's shadowy figure creeping past them. Then, Mr. Noisy and Mr. Jelly crept out from their hiding place, tiptoed up behind Little Miss Scary and at the tops of voices shouted, BOO! Now, the top of Mr. Noisy's voice is a very loud place, indeed. So loud that Little Miss Scary leaped 5 ft. in the air and when she came down, she ran for her life. She didn't stop running until she was hidden under her bed, in her bedroom, in Spooky Cottage at the top of the mountain. 'I don't think you'll be seeing so much of her for a long while, Mr. Jelly," chuckled to Mr. Noisy. "Mr. Jelly? Mr Jelly?" But there was no sign of Mr. Jelly either. Mr. Noisy chuckled again and walked back to Mr. Jelly's house to have a look under Mr. Jelly's bed." So Michelle, what did you think about that book?

 

Michelle: Good.

 

Keiran: Why was it good?

 

Michelle: Because it was and because my books are good because they're so sweet.

 

Keiran: And have you ever scared anyone like me Little Miss Scary did?

 

Michelle: BOO!

 

Keiran: Okay, not me. Did you scare anyone else?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Keiran: Did you ever scare your grandfather when he came home from work?

 

Michelle: With you.

 

Keiran: Yeah. What did we do?

 

Michelle: Um I was on the floor but he came in, we did BOO!

 

Keiran: Yes and where we're hiding?

 

Michelle: I don't know.

 

Keiran: [laugh] Okay. All right.

 

Michelle: [inaudible]

 

Keiran: That's the end of this story and this podcast, guys. This one was purely entertainment. I'm sure you could have gotten something out of the story though, even though that story is meant for kids. There's a lot of nice words and interesting language in it. So if you liked it, rate it, review it, let me know and maybe somehow I'll be able to get Michelle back on here. Michelle, how much do I have to pay you for this podcast?

 

Michelle: One dollar.

 

Keiran: More.

 

Michelle: Ten dollars.

 

Keiran: One million. Say one million dollars.

 

Michelle: One million dollars.

 

Keiran: Oh my God. One million dollars.

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: How come?

 

Michelle: Because that - because that.

 

Keiran: Because that what?

 

Michelle: I don't know what.

 

Keiran: [laugh] All right. All right, say good night, Michelle.

 

Michelle: Good night [inaudible].

 

Keiran: And-

 

Michelle: I wants to read another one.

Keiran: Yes, that's one just for me and you. And we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of Uncensored....

 

Michelle: English.

Sep 24, 2016

A student of mine pointed out a logical falacy with an expression we learned so I decided to talk about this on the podcast in case other language learners are making it. Also we discuss the deplorable ongoing phenomena of police shootings in the USA.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVPRahUuMqU Shooting video footage.

Sep 22, 2016

Get is a pretty useful word. How useful, you might be surprised. Today Max and I talk about how you get more out of get.

 

*** Transcript*** 

 

***Intro*** 

 

Keiran: So today we got Malefic Max back on the podcast. How's it going Max?


Max: Hello. Very good. How are you?


Keiran: I'm all right, what's new with you today? 


Max: Today I'm looking at buying an oversized guitar, I'm really excited about that.


Keiran: An oversized guitar. Why are you interested in an oversized guitar?


Max: Well, the band, Tenacious D, Jack Black specifically states that he has an oversized guitar. And I would love to follow him because he's one of my favorite musicians.


Keiran: Okay. I've never seen an oversized guitar.


Max: It's a large body and when you put your arm on it, if you rest your arm on the body--


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: It will probably cut off the circulation in your hands so you got to lift your elbow a bit.


Keiran: Huh.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: All right, that's interesting. All right. So today, Max is going to help us learn how to get more out of the word get. 


Max: Get it.


Keiran: Yeah, yeah, it's a little joke there I guess. All right. We're going to learn how to get more out of the word get. So of course, where get is a verb, meaning to get something like I'm going to go to the store and get something. But there's  a lot of other ways we can use it. And we're going to start off with the one that I have written down right here at the top, which is get over it.


Max, what does it mean to get, when someone says get over it?


Max: Get over it. When you say it to someone, you're telling them to let go of an issue that they're struggling with. Like if they're worried about something like a test and they're just keep talking about it and they can't seem to calm down, and you say, "Get over it. It's just a test." You're going to do your test tomorrow.


Keiran: Right. So they've got to stop focusing their negative or neurotic energy on something and to just move on with their life, right?


Max: Yeah, yeah. Stop being nervously focused on it. 


Keiran: All right. So I remember when I was younger, I always wanted to go-- Actually, my parents went to church. I had to go to church as my parents and I hated going to church because on Sunday mornings, Spiderman was on at the exact same time as church.


Max: Yeah, I hear that.


Keiran: And every Sunday morning I would have fought with my parents. My dad will go like, "Ken. You going to church and you're missing Spiderman. Get over it." I always lost that argument until I was 14.


Max: Yeah, that make sense.


Keiran: But he wanted me to just let go of it so we didn't have that fight every week, right?


Max: Oh my God.


Keiran: All right. Can you give us an example of get over it?


Max: Oh yeah, sure. I got a friend, she's waiting to do a job interview, actually, to go work up North and she's also planning a vacation at the same time, but she doesn't have the job yet. She can't stop freaking about it so I told her, "Get over it, just go on your vacation. If you get the job you can come back early, it's fine. Let it go."


Keiran: Right.


Max: Get over it.


Keiran: Get over it, there's nothing you can do about it. All right. Let's move to the next one, which is not very flexible in how we can use it. But it's still useful if you need to use it. Maybe if you're with an English person which is "Get off me."


Max: Get off me, yeah. For sure. Get off me, is--


Keiran: I wonder how do we use it. When would we use get off me?


Max: You would say that in-- I can think of two situations.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: So if someone's grabbing your arm somewhere and you don't want them touching you--


Keiran: Right.


Max: Or pulling you somewhere.


Keiran: Right.


Max: Say, "Get off me, I don't need you in my bubble, pulling me away like that."


Keiran: Right. Like sometimes you see like the possessive like boyfriend in the bar, like grabbing his girlfriend.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: She's like, "Get off me."


Max: Yeah, and he's like pulling her around and stuff like that.


Keiran:  Yeah.


Max: Or like a parent grabbing their kid.


Keiran: Right. Exactly.


Max: And the kid's like, "Get off me."


Keiran: Get off me.


Max: Getting pulled around.


Keiran: Okay, that's probably not going to be useful for most of our listeners out there unless they're in a bar with a-- possessive boyfriend or girlfriend...


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: What's the other way you thought about "Get off me?" How can we use it?


Max: Maybe in during sex?


Keiran: During sex, right.


Max: If someone's on top of you and they're crushing your pelvis and you say, "Get off me."


Keiran: Get off me, this isn't feeling good.


Max: Cuting off circulation of my legs, get off me sugar.


Keiran: Yeah, right. Or if you're lying down like cuddling or something and someone rolls on to you in an uncomfortable position like, "Get off me, this hurts."


Max: Yeah. Or if you're spooning, watching a movie and you're not comfy--


Keiran: Get off[?] me[?].


Max: Or got to go pee.


Keiran: Get off me. It's not the nicest way to do it. Maybe it's like you ask someone and they're like, "Hehehe, no" Then I'm like, "No seriously. Get off me."


Max: Yeah, yeah.


Keiran: Get off me. All right. Next one. Get lost.


Max: Get lost, yeah. This is when you say to somebody when you want them to leave you alone.


Keiran: Right. So it's not you telling someone to go lose themselves.


Max: No. It's you telling someone to leave you alone, just let you be by yourself.


Keiran: Right. So, let's do some examples here. Let's say we're running a comedy show on Wednesday.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: And we have the comics that we've booked on the show.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: And maybe a comic who wants to jump on even though he's not on the show, which we sometimes do.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: And we said, "No." And he goes over and he asks you, and you say, "No." And he comes over and he asked me, I'm like, "Dude, I already told you, no." And he goes and asks you and you're like---


Max: Get lost.


Keiran: Get lost, man.


Max: Get out of here.


Keiran: We told you four times. Get lost.


Max: Get lost. Leave us alone.


Keiran: All right, can you give me a little example there?


Max: We can use the bar again. 


Keiran: All right.


Max: Let's say...  


Keiran: The bar?


Max: A bar.


Keiran:  A bar?


Max: A bar. So you're a woman at a bar--


Keiran: Right. 


Max: And a guy comes talk to you and tell him you don't want to see him. He comes back bothering you again and say, "Get lost. I'm not interested in you. I won't talk to you."


Keiran: Yeah, if a guy like keeps hitting on you over and over and over again.


Max: Like too persevering. Like too annoying.


Keiran: Right. I mean, in that case, you always want to uses it in a polite way in the beginning but get lost is, again, it's a strong way, it's very clear that you don't want the attention.


Max: Yeah. Leave me alone. 


Keiran: Get lost.


Max: Get lost.


Keiran: All right. Next one. Get by. How to get by?


Max: Get by.


Keiran: What is to get by, it means?


Max: It can mean a couple of things. 


Keiran: Okay.


Max: Getting by, could be having enough money to pay for your bills.


Keiran: Right.


Max: And when you get by, it means going around somebody. Or if you ask someone, "Can I get by?" I want to walk around them, maybe on the sidewalk.


Keiran: Okay. Let's do the first one first.


Max: Sure.


Keiran: So you said, get by means to have enough money to pay your bills. 


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: So I guess we can say when you're younger, it's a lot harder to get by when you live on your own. Because you don't have as much money or income as much.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Unless you're born into a wealthy family and you don't have trouble getting by.


Max: Yeah. Then your challenge becomes social skills.


Keiran: No, usually rich kids have better social skills.


Max: Oh yeah?


Keiran: That sucks.


Max: I guess I just wanted to believe that.


Keiran: Well, I think it depends, man. Like I don't-- I can't say I know many people who have really terrible social skills. 


Max: I know one very rich girl and she has terrible social skills.


Keiran: Is she an only child?


Max: I think so.


Keiran: There you go. Yeah, maybe she's been spoiled all her life and she's not used to not getting her own way or something. 


Max: Yeah. She's super whiny, too.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: Well, I think that's just one person.


Keiran: Okay, can you make another example of get by, not having enough money or having a tight budget?


Max: So you're a-- like if I'm a family dad and I'm going to church. And the pastor asks me how things are at home.


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: So he asks me if everything's okay. I said, "Yeah. I got enough to get by, it's a tight budget. I have a lot of kids to get new clothes."


Keiran: Right. So it's tough to get by if you don't have a lot of money.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: This is a depressing example.


Max: It is. It is.


Keiran: Let's move on to our last phrase over we're going to go over here today, which is get around.


Max: Get around.


Keiran: What does it mean to get around?


Max: Get around means be kind of a social butterfly. You kind of go around meeting a lot of people. 


Keiran: So, Sally really gets around the neighborhood.


Max: Yeah, a lot, I mean, that's implying Sallly's sleeping around.


Keiran: Oh. Okay. So get around can be-- can mean to be promiscuous.


Max: Yeah, yeah. Even if a guy I see, he gets around. And he can be saying that he's really promiscuous.


Keiran: Yes. We could say I'm worried about Gabriel]. He really gets around.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: He might be burning the candle at both ends.


Max: Right, yeah. Well that's-- if that's the way he swings, that's fine. 


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: He's burning his candle.


Keiran: Because when he says he gets around means he has a lot of sex and maybe he's going to get in trouble with some kind of STD...


Max: STD. Sexually Transmitted Disease.


Keiran: All right. What is the other way, you said get around, what does it mean?


Max: Get around? Just go around. You go around, you get around, you meet a lot of people, you go a lot of places. Really active socially.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: Or you travel a lot. If I said Karim[?] gets around a lot, he was in Korea and he's visited Mongolia.


Keiran: Right. Okay. So get around is someone who travels a lot there. They're always going to new places, they really get around.


Max: Yeah. It could also be in the city. If you're all over the city, you're visiting the west side, the east side, downtown.


Keiran: Yeah, you get around, I got around a lot today.


Max: You did?


Keiran: All right, great. We're going to wrap it up really quickly. But I want to ask Max about one more, it's kind of an expression I guess. "To get over someone, you got to get under someone new." What does that one mean?


Max: That one means, when after your breakup, to get over the breakup, to move on, you have to go have sex with someone else. Get under with someone else.


Keiran: Yeah, get under someone's body.


Max: Yeah. I think that's bullshit, but--


Keiran: I don't think it's bullshit but I don't think it's very, a maybe, healthy way to get over a relationship.


Max: Yeah, I don't think it's healthy. I mean, it might work.


Keiran: It will work.


Max: But you're going to be all weird for awhile.


Keiran: Yeah, you will be weird for awhile, right. All right, so really quickly. Get over it means to stop focusing on something. Get off me means to physically don't touch me or get off of me during sex.


Max: Get off me literally. Yeah.


Keiran: Yeah. Get lost means?


Max: Go away and leave me alone.


Keiran: Right. Get by?


Max: Getting by? Get by's is having enough to pay your rent, pay your food.


Keiran: Yeah, having the money to live your life. And lastly, get around?


Max: It means sleeping around. Having sex with a lot of people or--


Keiran: Get...


Max: Traveling around the world a lot.


Keiran: Yeah, getting around town, getting around the world. 


 

Sep 20, 2016

Students often ask me what's a good place to go to learn English, and I always answer them, Australia. Today with David Peachey we discuss some of the concerns people have about learning English in Australia.

 

*** Transcript***

Keiran: All right. Today, we have David Peachey [?] back on the podcast.

 

David Peachey: Hey, hey, hey, good to be back.

 

Keiran: Yeah. It's good to have you here, David. I have a question.

 

David Peachey: Yeah.

 

Keiran: Sometimes, I talk to my students. They say, “You know, I want to travel to an English speaking country.” And I always tell them, “First of all, don’t go to any ESL school. If you can work in a restaurant I think -- or work with people, it’s a better way to learn.”

 

David Peachey: Yeah, [crosstalk] on the ground.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and I always suggest, “Go to Australia because Australia is such a beautiful place.”

 

David Peachey: That’s a very good choice. And as an Australian I must agree. Yeah, it is beautiful here. Nice -- Yeah, the flora and the fauna is beautiful, weather is nice, yeah, so, yeah, there's a lot going for Australia.

 

Keiran: Right. But the common objection I get from anyone who I talk about this is like, “Yeah, but, you know, Australia has, you know, all those spiders and crocodiles and other dangerous animals.

 

David Peachey: And things that can kill you, yeah.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and all those things that can kill you.

 

David Peachey: It will hurt you badly.

 

Keiran: What do you think about this? Is this something that people who are considering traveling to Australia should really waste time over, worrying about this?

 

David Peachey: Short answer is no. Of course, we’ve got our population of Australia and we’re not dying quickly, dying in a hurry, so, obviously, it’s not that dangerous.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: How do we survive if -- Well, first thing, a lot of us live in the cities. I think most of the population actually lives in about -- I'd say at least half of the population lives in three or four cities.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and I guess most of those dangerous animals are not setting in apartment buildings in the cities, right?

 

David Peachey: Yeah, definitely, like -- A lot of the poisonous snakes are all desert snakes. Well, most of them are desert snakes.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: Crocodiles, so, they are up north but not necessarily near the cities. So, you know, if you’re in one of the major cities like Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide, yeah, I think it’d be fairly safe.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: The other thing is I think as part of our Australian nature, we are cautious because we are aware that there are certain things that can kill us or chase us down and attack us.

 

Keiran: Okay. These are the things that I was not aware of when I was in Australia. So, much I’ve -- we’ve actually done my research a little better. So, fill us in, David. What are the these things?

 

David Peachey: Obviously the spiders. I mean, that’s the first scary fact that yeah, we have some huge spiders here. First thing to remember is that even if they’re big, they’re generally not going to kill you. In fact, yeah, the lightest spiders are generally quite afraid of us. So, if you see a large spider like the size of your hand, you can actually shoo it away and it will run away in fright.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, if you’re not already running away in fright. So, feel a bit of bravery. You don’t need to kill it or anything, but you just kind brush at it. Don't do this with the small black evil looking spiders. A couple of the smallest spiders are found in cities, and they are venomous enough to kill you.

 

Keiran: Really?

 

David Peachey: So which is why we’re extra cautious.

 

Keiran: Right. So, there are some dangerous little creatures lurking around the cities then.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, the two main ones to look at for -- especially when the weather is hotting up. So, there’ll obviously be much more spiders in warmer weather. The dangerous ones are called the funnel-web spider and the red back spider.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: The good news is, these generally tend to avoid humans. So, the funnel-web spider, by its name it builds its web in the shape of a funnel but it’s in a hole or in a crack, so even though that’s a spider that could actually chase you if it’s angry, it won’t get angry if you don’t put your anger into its house.

 

Keiran: Right, right, which, why would he be doing anyways, right?

 

David Peachey: I don’t know. You think, oh, a dangerous spider, let’s see what it does.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David Peachey: I mean, maybe some people aren’t aware how dangerous or aggressive these can be. We just leave them alone.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Yeah. So, yeah, avoiding it is the first, or not provoking it is the first -- or not provoking. It is the first safety move. Same with the red back, it’s a small spider. It looks a little bit like the black widow and so forth that it has a red marking on the back. Also lives in cracks and crevasses. And you'll probably be bitten if you try to play with it. I don't know why, but if you try to play with it or if you accidentally put your hand into its web.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Which could happen if you are saying -- if you say, pick up -- if you pick up a chair or a table that’s been sitting in the garage and it’s dusty and you don't really look underneath. We check under these things. This is how we survive.

 

Keiran: All right. So, basically, if people are traveling in the cities and Australia, if they just leave the spiders alone. This should be safe --

 

David Peachey: Don't go looking for them.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, and just be a little more thoughtful of, yeah, where you poke your hands and fingers and so on.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: We’re quite aware of that.

 

Keiran: Okay. David, I notice when you were telling me about the first spider, you said when it’s hotting up.

 

David Peachey: It’s hotting up. Yes, becoming hotter. Is that not a [?] common in Canada which --

 

Keiran: No, I was like, “Oh, my God, what’s this -- I’ve never heard this, I have to ask David about this.” Because from my perspective, it sounds like a grammatical error that I would correct my students on but I noticed you said it, it’s the second time I’ve heard you said it, so it must be -- the phrase will be --

 

David Peachey: It must be an Australianism. I’ve never thought of it. It’s just natural for me. Yeah, the weather is hotting up, and it starts to hot up, yeah.

 

Keiran: Yeah. We would say the weather is heating up over here.

 

David Peachey: Heating up. Yeah.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Or warming up will be standard phrase for that, yeah.

 

Keiran: Right. Okay, so, we got to watch out for the funnel-web spider and the red back spider and leave them alone. Is there anything else that the average person should be informed about when they come to Australia? Any other somewhat dangerous or animals they want to stay away from?

 

David Peachey: Like I said, if you're in the cities, you’re generally avoiding them. Of course, if you’re out walking in the bush which could be -- which is pretty much anything in Australia that is not in a city, is the bush.

 

Keiran: Yeah, okay.

 

David Peachey: Of course, yeah, just watch where you’re walking. They could be a snake lying in the path, sunbathing, minding its own business. Two types of animals here will come across in the cities and they’re very common. And of course, you can’t really do anything to this. You can’t kill them because they are native animals. There are possums. And now, because they’re small [?], about the size of a cat --

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David Peachey: They crawl through the trees at night and they crawl along power lines and everything.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: And you see them at night. People sometimes make the mistake of thinking that because they are furry and cat size, maybe they’re friendly.

 

Keiran: Okay, so, they’re not friendly. Don’t go pet the possums.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, don't go petting them because I accidentally did this once. I thought a possum at night was looking friendly and held a hand out and said, “Come on, come on.” In this possums. So, I had food in my hand but it couldn’t see the food, so it tentatively bit my finger and I realized, yes, it is a wild animal.

 

Keiran: Right, right, yeah, yeah.

 

David Peachey: And the other one is the bush turkey, and that’s exactly what it looks like and you’ll see them all over the place, like black body, kind of a red and yellow coloring on the neck. Yeah, but I mean, you’ll just see plenty of them around and they can look after themselves and they’ll tend to avoid you.

 

Keiran: All right. You know, I was just thinking, when I was in Australia, they had the flood, the big flood and I know that was --

 

David Peachey: Oh, yes.

 

Keiran: In 2012, I think 2012.

 

David Peachey: Yes.

 

Keiran: And this amazing thing happened and you guys can Google this if you’re listening to the podcast and go check out the images, but all the spiders in Wagga, they like, all climbed up and created these webs --

 

David Peachey: Seeking higher ground.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David Peachey: Yeah, they take over a whole tree or something.

 

Keiran: Right, exactly. It’s such an amazing thing to see like, that nature had this escape plan for floods you know.

 

David Peachey: Which is up and take over anything that’s not in the water.

 

Keiran: Right, right. All right, so, David, thank you for informing us about these dangerous spiders that are not so dangerous if we just leave them alone, which is guess people have trouble doing, right?

 

David Peachey: Exactly. Yeah. I just want to keep our visitors alive, so, that’d be my work done.

 

Keiran: Right. So, don’t pet the funnel back spider. Don’t pet the red back spiders and of course don’t pet the possums.

 

 

Sep 17, 2016

Oh my my, today on Uncensored English, we discuss the number one way to challenge your English and the only reason you shouldn't have you English homework completed. We also talk about the idiom Down in the Dumps, and Keiran rambles about IELTS and TOEFL

Sep 15, 2016

Keiran's going to a big Italian wedding, we talk a little about Italians and commonly heard wedding expressions.

 

*** Transcript ***

 

Keiran: So today, I’m really happy to have Melissa back on the podcast. How’s it going Melissa?

 

Melissa: Good, Keiran. How are you doing?

 

Keiran: Pretty good, pretty good. I’m a little tired, you know, it’s 10:13 PM, but I’m doing all right. So what’s new with you these days?

 

Melissa: Not too much. It was a long work day today, so I’m happy to be doing something different.

 

Keiran: Yeah, right, exactly. It’s good to have a little change of pace.

 

Melissa: Yeah, exactly.

 

Keiran: So Melissa, I’m going this weekend to my—it’s not my sister, my cousin’s getting married, and I was wondering, have you gone to any weddings in the recent past? Have you gone to any weddings recently?

 

Melissa: Yeah. You know, it’s like I’m at the age now where people are starting to get married. It’s almost like the second wave, where people start to get married when they’re in their, I guess, early twenties, and now, the second wave when you’re in sort of early thirties, and so I've had two weddings so far this summer.

 

Keiran: Oh, wow. Yeah. So these are the planned weddings, the first wave was maybe the

 

[Laughter]

 

Melissa: The shotgun wedding?

 

Keiran: Yeah, yeah, the shotgun weddings. What’s a shotgun wedding?

 

Melissa: A shotgun wedding happens when you have been intimate with somebody, and then you find out you’re pregnant, and the next things that’s left to do is to get married.

 

Keiran: Yeah. It’s a race for decency, I think.

 

Melissa: Exactly. Before the baby comes. Hurry up, get it done.

  

Keiran: Yeah. No one wants to be pregnant on the altar, I guess.

 

Melissa: Yeah. No, not many people.

 

Keiran: Okay. So I’m going—this wedding I’m going to, it’s kind of interesting. I mean, my cousin, she’s—we have, I think, a pretty small family. Like, at the wedding, there’s going to be 16 tables, with eight people at each table, and four of the tables are going to be our family, and then, the other 12 tables are going to be Italian people.

 

Melissa: Yeah, you’re definitely outnumbered.

 

Keiran: Yeah. And I think the good thing about this is –I’m imagining- the food’s going to be amazing at the wedding.

 

Melissa: That would be a good guess, yeah.

 

Keiran: Great. But the thing I’m worried about is, do you remember in high school when we would have like high school dances, or even in our graduation, where all the Italians would gather in a circle and start chanting like, “Italia! Italia!”

 

Melissa:  [Laughs] Well, why did that happen all the time?   

 

Keiran: I don’t know. I don’t know. Italian pride, I guess. I’m just hoping that this doesn’t happen at the wedding.

 

Melissa: Yeah, you never know.

 

Keiran: So what’s your funniest or most unusual wedding memory that you can think of?

 

Melissa: Oh, well, this one is –I think- particularly funny, and it happened maybe—yeah,  the last wedding that I went to, and it was in Lloydminster, which is a town that is at the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan, in the middle of the prairies. People in Alberta tend to be more, I would say, traditional when it comes to marriage, and to the culture of marriage, and most people, most couple end up getting married at some point in their life before having children. But the opposite is sort of present in Quebec where you have a lot of couples that are together, that are committed for life, but don’t end up necessarily getting married, and they sometimes have children as well, as part of their committed relationship, but marriage just never ends up happening, or ends up happening after children. And it was a funny conversation to have with Chris’s parents, because it’s inevitable that the conversation of wedding comes and gets applied to your situation, and very casually I say, “You know, people don’t get married in Quebec.” And then have their facial expressions look at me with almost a jaw drop, but not quite, you know, it’s funny. And of course, they appreciate our relationship and I don’t think that it would be a big issue, but it’s definitely something that we’ll need to consider.

 

Keiran: Right, right. So what’s your opinion on marriages? Are you for marriage, or are you against it? Are you interested in getting married?

 

Melissa: I think it’s up to people to do what they feel is right, and I think at this point in society, it’s really up to people to make their own rules, and for couples to make their own rules, and it can be really difficult when you have pressures of different families, and different cultures, tradition, religion, but if it was up to me, it’s not that important to me to get married. I’m committed to my relationship, then I know that it’s a forever relationship, and I don’t necessarily need for me to have that consolidated through marriage. But yeah, I like the idea of a big party where everybody gets drunk, that’s super fun. [Laughter]

 

Keiran: Yeah. That’s definitely fun. Yeah, no, it’s funny though, I married—I mean, I had, I guess it would be what we call half, half of a marriage of convenience, because my wife and I—both our Visas were expiring, so we had to get married to be able to see each other again, and we were in a foreign country. I mean, she has what I would call a shitty passport. Like, Canadian passport, you can go to like a 170 countries with no Visa, but the Mongolian passport, you can go to about 50 countries, and most of those countries, you probably don’t want to go to anyway, and then—but I think I’m adamantly against marriage. I don’t see the benefit anymore to marriage, and in my mind, marriage is kind of like—when you’re in a relationship, both partners can leave at any moment, I think it encourages people to act maybe in a better way, but I think when you get married, there’s kind of a lock on the door, in some way, and a divorce is a very ugly thing. I mean my opinion is I think that the traditional marriage is probably going to deteriorate the relationship.

 

Melissa: I think so, and what I really appreciate about—

 

Keiran: Really? I was hoping you’re going to disagree with me.

 

Melissa: No. No, but what I appreciate from Chris, my boyfriend, is that one of the things he says is that a marriage shouldn’t change your relationship. The nature of your relationship, whether you get married or not, if you’re committed to each other, should effectively stay the same. You shouldn’t behave any differently, but I think that a lot of people do, and I have some friends of mine who have said, “Yes, now that we’re married, then my behavior changes, because now I know I’m committed.” It’s like, “Yeah, but what were you before?”

 

Keiran: Yeah, yeah. It’s weird.

 

Melissa: Yeah, exactly. So I don’t really relate to that reason, me personally. But--

 

Keiran: And I think the foundation of marriage, like how it started, is also very ugly. You know, like in the past, women weren’t—they didn’t have the same privileges as men did. They couldn’t work, they couldn’t make money, and it was essentially a trade. You know, like, “I will give you my daughter for some money, or some cows, and a pig…” and that’s horrible, and I also think that that’s--probably the root of prostitution is marriage. Like if people—prostitutes exist, as long as there’s marriage, I think you’re going to have prostitution.

 

Melissa: That’s an interesting perspective. I never thought about it, but I do agree that it is part, or in some tradition anyway, the root of marriage was a business transaction, and actually, from different very wealthy families that it made financial sense for them to come together and merge their assets through the bond of marriage. But yeah, now it’s not necessarily applicable anymore, yeah.

 

Keiran: Right. All right. Well, actually, that’s all the time we have, we’ve got to wrap this up, but let’s go over those three little expressions we said while we were talking about this. You said a shotgun marriage was…?

 

Melissa: Shotgun marriage. That’s when you have to hurry up and get married because you have a bun in the oven.

 

Keiran: Yeah, and a bun in the over means what?              

 

Melissa: When you have a baby, when you’ve made a baby that’s growing inside.

 

Keiran: Right. So if your boyfriend got you pregnant, he could say, “I put a bun in Melissa’s oven.”

 

Melissa: Yeah. Exactly.

 

Keiran: Right. Okay, that’s a good and a fun one too. And then, we had a marriage of convenience is when you get married strictly for a passport or some other kind of government-related reasons, right?

 

Melissa: Yeah. That’s it.

 

Keiran: And oh my god, we didn’t do the other one we were talking about. The last one was the old ball and chain.

 

Melissa: Oh yeah, that’s right. That’s not a nice one, and nobody wants to be called a ball, or an old ball and chain.

 

Keiran: Yeah. And what is the imagery that you come up with when you think about the old ball and chain?

 

Melissa: Yeah, definitely a prisoner.

 

Keiran: Right. That big heavy metal ball that they would chain to your ankle, right?

 

Melissa: Yeah, that’s it.

 

Keiran: So there is a TV show I showed to my students, and this guy’s talking to his friend about going golfing, and then his friend says they’re going to come golfing on the weekend, and he says, “Well, I’ve got to ask the old ball and chain.” You know, so he says, “I’ve got to ask my wife for permission before we go.”

 

Melissa: [Laughs] That’s a relationship I wouldn’t want to be in.

 

Keiran: Yeah. I agree. I definitely agree.

 

Sep 12, 2016

What will things be like in the future? Nobody knows, but today Keiran and Max talk about potential realities of the future.

 

***Transcript***

 

Keiran : So, today we have another one of our good friends back on the podcast. How's it going Max?


Max: Really good. How are you Keiran?


Keiran: I am, uh, I'm alright. I'm pretty good, I guess, you know, it's Sunday morning.


Max: Yep, yep. Bright and early.


Keiran: So if I'm Keiran the Crazy Canadian, what would you be?


Max: I'd be Max the Malefic American.


Keiran: Malefic, what does that mean?


Max: Malefic, it's like evil, it's an adjective.


Keiran: Uh, nice.


Max: Yeah


Keiran: So, I'll just move my chair a little bit away from you then.


Max: No, no. It's a good malice, it's like from Malice, is where it comes from.


Keiran: Alright.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Alright, so what's new with you Max? I haven't seen you in a while.


Max: But I'm nice. Uh, I've been drinking a lot, you know, uh, making sure my stomach's in good shape, you know.


Keiran: Nice. Going for the beer belly?


Max: Yeah, I'm trying to get there. It's a struggle but I'll get out of shape.


Keiran: I've actually been drinking less since, uh, I haven't drank for like, actually this sounds really depressing, I haven't drank for 3 days. That's not an accomplishment.


Max: Like, I started budgeting for something 2 days ago. God.


Keiran: Alright.


Max: It's forever.


Keiran: [?] Anyways, by request of one of my students, today we're gonna talk about the future, but we didn't want to have a boring conversation about the future, so we're gonna talk about the potential realities of the future in the year 2050.


Max: 34 years from today.


Keiran: 34 years from today. So, I'm gonna kick it off. In the year 2050, washrooms will no longer be segregated by sex to appease the transgendered people's discomfort of using the wrong washroom, everyone will use the same washroom together. We will no longer have segregated washrooms. What do you think about that?


Max: I think, yeah I fucking, yeah, and it will just be like stalls, there'll just be stalls in the bathroom?


Keiran: I don't think there's a point of segregating it, I don't like, why do we...


Max: No, I agree, I'm saying in the one unisex bathroom, it'll just be a bunch of stalls, right?


Keiran: Right.


Max: I don't think it matters. Bathrooms aren't like sexual, they're just kind of utility.


Keiran: No, it's just, yeah it's a utility thing, right. I guess maybe we would have to have like a powder room for like the ladies. Or a powder room for people who put makeup on.


Max: Yeah, yeah.


Keiran: Like, maybe segregate the washroom from the powder room.


Max: Yeah, in the powder room, you just go there to wash up your face and stuff.


Keiran: Alright, what's your next one?


Max: We will have, oh sorry, in the year 2050, we will have brand new swear words.


Keiran: Like what, like what do you mean?


Max: Like, like, instead of saying fuck you, people will be like, You're such an apple Keiran, yeah apple, God, that'll be like a bad word at that time. It'll be all new ones, be like apple and like bosom will mean like genitals. It'll be all weird.


Keiran: Okay, so we will have like, overused the swear words and they become normal and we come up with new swear words.


Max: Yeah, yeah.


Keiran: Yeah, that makes sense.


Max: Like bitch would actually just become like, jerk. It would just mean jerk.


Keiran: Like, bitch was a swear word like 20 years ago but now it's just...


Max: It's kind of becoming normal.


Keiran: Right. Alright. In the year 2050, meat will be grown in laboratories and we will no longer kill animals. I know that's kind of happening already,  right?


Max: It is. And then we'll have a bunch of new pets because we would just take care of animals for fun.


Keiran: Oh you mean like, we'll have like, pigs as pets?


Max: Yeah, we would just have pigs and people would forget that you make bacon out of pigs, you know. They'd just be like, That's my pig Porky, don't I would never eat. It's like a dog, I would never eat my dog.


Keiran: Then, we'll feed the pig laboratory grown bacon but they won't know.


Max: Oh, ew.


Keiran: And maybe we won't even know by that time, well some people won't know.


Max: We already don't know what we're buying in a supermarket.


Keiran: Yeah, that's pretty much true. Alright, next one.


Max: In the year 2050, drugs will be so potent, they will kill you in one hit.


Keiran: Alright, that needs explanation. Why? What do you, like what drug?


Max: Well, let's say like future cocaine, if you do it once, you'll die because it just sends your heart into such a like, such a high pace speed that you die of shock.


Keiran: Right.


Max: Like drugs would get too refined, they'll be too strong.


Keiran: I kind of agree but I kind of disagree, like I think in the future, drugs will be refined but in a way that they will be less dangerous so that people will just get bored of them quicker and move on with their lives.


Max: Yeah, yeah.That would make sense, like.


Keiran: Because why would we make them more dangerous? Unless they're used to kill people.


Max: Well, apparently, weed now is way stronger than it used to be.


Keiran: Oh, it's crazy.


Max: Like it blows your mind, whereas, before you could kind of function like pretty normally.


Keiran: Yeah, right.


Max: So if we keep that trend going.


Keiran: Maybe. Okay, is it me or you now?


Max: It's you.


Keiran: Okay. In the year 2050 children will go to school naked in efforts to reduce sexual obsession in their teenage years.


Max: They're gonna be cold.


Keiran: Okay, maybe they'll be naked like, at play time inside the gymnasium or something.


Max: Yeah, like how, yeah, I mean, that makes, I mean, that's a good way to make people less sex crazed.


Keiran: Right, because than you get over like the opposite sex's naked body, like, because people are just maniacs because we, I think, like porn is insane how it's everywhere.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Like if you google, like Frozen the Disney movie, you just get like, Frozen porn and it's just like, why? If kids just saw bodies naked earlier, they wouldn't care as much I think.


Max: Oh, there's another one, Overwatch is a game you can play, it's like an online like 5 on 5 team game.


Keiran: Okay.


Max: I didn't even know this but apparently they took the models from that game and made porn out of the characters in the game, with the actual models.


Keiran: Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.


Max: I was just like, what the fuck?


Keiran: Okay, next one.


Max:Is it me?


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: Oh. In the year 2050, we will have a mine on the moon.


Keiran: A mine mining moon rocks?


Max: Yeah, mining like ores and moon powder and shit.


Keiran: I wonder what they're gonna do with it.


Max: Make moon cocaine. That shit's gonna be so refined, it'll kill you in one hit.


Keiran: Yeah, I think it's just gonna be marketable because of the name. Alright.


Max: Mooncaine.


Keiran: Mooncaine. And maybe it'll do it in Mars too. In the year 2050, France will be forced to accept English as the international business language and they'll be very upset about it.


Max: France?


Keiran: Yeah.


Max: I thought you meant Quebec.


Keiran. No, France, well Quebec too.


Max: France doesn't operate in English?


Keiran: They will, they'll like have to operate in English inside their own country.


Max: Oh, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, I'd buy that.


Keiran: I don't know.


Max: Or Mandarin.


Keiran: I just they'd get very upset, oh Mandarin, yeah maybe Mandarin, that could possibly happen.


Max: They're so close to China.


Keiran: That would be very bad for us though. We would have to spend a lot of time learning Mandarin. 


Max: Really. And we would be like the obtuse kind of out of the, we would just be weird in the social situations. People would be like, those guys don't know how to talk.


Keiran: But I don't think the language is hard to learn, I think it's just the writing.


Max: Okay.


Keiran: Anyways, let's keep going.


Max: Okay. In the year 2050, all our toothbrushes will be electric. We'll just only have electric toothbrushes.


Keiran: Why?


Max: It just seems futuristic, I don't know.


Keiran: I already have electric toothbrushes.


Max: I don't.


Keiran: Well, maybe that's because you're poor. In the year 2050, my daughter will disappoint me with her choice of a partner.


Max: Yeah, yeah I buy that.


Keiran: I think every parents are disappointed by their children in some way, so I'm just assuming it's gonna happen.


Max: My parents are, yeah, yeah, definitely. Okay, in the year 2050 IKEA furniture will just be a piece of wood because of wood shortages.


Keiran: Yeah, you just buy like a block of wood.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: It's like a piece of furniture.


Max: Yeah, when you buy a table it's just like a 2x4 you put on your leg and you just write on it, you know. And your bed is just like 10 pieces of wood and that's it, you put a mattress on that.


Keiran: I can see that happening, like you just get a piece of, like it's like a shaped piece of wood or something.


Max: Oh, oh like a 3D printed piece of wood so the shape just comes out in one piece.


Keiran: But would it be wood? Could they print wood?


Max: They could, well...


Keiran: Maybe by then.


Max: You could probably pack wood together but I don't think you can print it.


Keiran: In the year 2050 I will have much more money.


Max: Yeah, that's likely.


Keiran: It's just a hope. [Laughter]


Max: I mean, if you keep working, yeah.


Keiran: Yeah, no, everyone, I think everyone's income increases over time.


Max: That's 34 years, I don't wanna work that long. Jesus Christ.


Keiran: Yeah I think I'll be retired hopefully by then. If I'm not retired by then, I'll be very...


Max: You'll be 64.


Keiran: Or I better have like a sugar mama. Like my wife better be loaded.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Alright, your turn.


Max: Okay, we're gonna do more?


Keiran: Yeah, one more each.


Max: Uh, k, in the year 2050 weed will be a dinner garnish, like an aperitif people have before they eat dinner. 


Keiran: Okay, what do you mean by dinner garnish or an aperitif, just in case people don't know those words?


Max: So, aperitif usually is a little alcohol you have before dinner to get your appetite going. I think people are going to do that with weed to get hungrier, enjoy the meal more.


Keiran: That makes sense. Weed makes you hungry. Do you eat it or do you smoke it or what?


Max: Um, I think you would probably, I don't know, probably eat it if it's the future, people are real conscious about their lungs, right?


Keiran: Right. Alright, here's the last one. In the year 2050 today's first world countries will have been exposed for exploiting other countries around the world and will no longer be thought of in high regard.


Max: Yep.


Keiran: Yeah, I think that's slowly happening.


Max: Yeah with the information technology and the internet and stuff, people learning about everything. Yeah.


Keiran: Right, right. I think Canada and the US's reputations are going down the drain.


Max: Into the pooper.


Keiran: Into the pooper. Alright guys, that's the end of the podcast "In the year 2050". I invite you to come on the Facebook group and write what you think the world will be like in the year 2050. So just leave a comment in the section below, maybe if Max is up for it he can make one more, I don't know.


Max: Flying care, we didn't say flying cars.


Keiran: Yeah, we'll have flying cars.


Max: That's the number one cliche. We gotta have flying cars.


Keiran: We gotta stop building highways if we're gonna have flying cars.


Max: Yeah.


Keiran: Alright guys, so join us in the comment section on Facebook. Put what you think will happen in the year 2050

Sep 10, 2016

A little more than a month ago I learnt about Elon Musk with one of my students, and since then this article has been stuck in my head. Today we talk about, and learn a little English while having fun of course!

Sep 8, 2016

The story telling challenge is finally back! Head over to the Uncensored English webpage, uncensoredenglish.ca, click on my big face, the image with tape across my mouth. Yeah seriously click it and have fun participating in the challenge! Cant wait to hear the ending you come up with!

Sep 6, 2016

Ahhh ESL schools, our former homes and workplaces. Frandy and Keiran discuss ESL schools, the pros, the cons, and should you attend one.

Sep 3, 2016

People who say crazy is a bad word or a negative thing are crazy, well not always, but sometimes, but seriously today we talk about degrees of insanity.

Aug 31, 2016

We talk about controlling your energy levels through body posture, weird ways to start a friendship, douchiness and tooting your own horn.  

Aug 29, 2016

In this episode of Uncensored English Keiran pokes fun of his innedaquecies that caused him to miss the chance to record a podcast yesterday night. We learn about a few words we often heard teachers use to belittle students in high school.

Aug 27, 2016

More word pairings with jerk,  a strange thank you letter, and Keiran rambles on feeling defeated.

Aug 24, 2016

*** INTRO ***

It's Wednesday day August the.... I don't actually know the date. Oh no it's the 24th, it's August the 24th. And I'm a little disappointed. I had a podcast planned today, actually I had three podcasts I was going to make today. And two of them I was not able to get done, the guest disappeared, uh the third one is going to happen tonight, so I can't use it as today's podcast because I need to put it up before tonight. So I thought I would do one more podcast on my own, I know you guys probably want to hear some guests back on here. We go some guests scheduled to come up, it just hasn't been, it's been about a week since I've been able to do it since I was in Halifax. But that's ok I came up with a snappy subject today. It's going to be fun. I wanted to talk about one other thing first. This is just such a cool event that happened, because of teaching, and a little bit because of my podcast. And one of my students I've been teaching her for I think about 4 or 5 months now already. She's a very nice young lady, she ... I'm not going to say her name I guess, but her fiancee lives in Canada, he moved here frmo another foreign country and she came here three weeks ago to get married. And they don't really know anyone here so they invited me to go to there wedding. Which I was honored to be invited, however I could not go cause I was in Halifax. But one cool thing that happened is I told Edward about it because Edward is in Toronto. So Edward and his wife went to one of my students and one of our Uncensored English podcasts' listeners wedding. And they had a very small and a very fun wedding which I'm jealous I didn't get to go to. And it was a funny I was talking to another one of my students about weddings, and we were both agreeing that weddings probably are more stressful and more expensive then they should be to celebrate the love and the life of a young couple. And I think that this couple is probably one of the only couples I've heard of that did it right. Without dropping tons of cash, and inviting 150 people and stressing themselves out. So I just wanted to congratulate you guys on your wedding, yay you did it. Now you are together forever unless you get divorced, but if that happens then you'll have to steal half each others shit. But I'm happy that you're married, I hope you're happy too, because if you're not well there's nothing you can do. Actually I didn't have a big wedding either, I just got married in the consulate, the Mongolian consulate in South Korea. Because my wife and I our visas were expiring and the odds of being able to go to the same country again were very little. Uh well I mean not for me, I have a Canadian passport that thing is sweeeet, but she has one of those shitty third world country passports where basically she can only go to countries she doesnt want to go to. That's probably the only marriage I would ever want, I don't actually believe in marriage, I don't really think I need the government or religions approval for my life. Seems silly to me and useless, but that's just my opinion... and if you believe otherwise, well good for you. Anyways, today I"m going to talk to you guys about a specific word, that word is jerk. Jerk is, mmmmm, I would say I soft swear word, or often an unkind word, but it's a very useful word. And there's a few very useful variations of it, that were going to talk about today. So by jerk, of course I don't mean to jerk your arm around. As in a sharp movement. A quick sharp movement. I mean, as in the noun, as in that guy is a jerk. So what do you think jerk means, what do you think jerk means. One of my favourite websites, urbandictionary, you can check it out. I like this definition, it's very comical, I'm going to read it for you. Jerk, the kind of guy most girls actually want, when they say they want a nice guy. Jerks are selfish manipulative bastards, he see girls as little more than sexual conquests to brag about to their buddies, or mere objects that are for their personal pleasure. K I'm not going to continue, because I think half of this is accurate, half of this is maybe a little bit overly progressive and sensitive and man hating, jerks do not have to be men, jerks can be women to. And I think, in my opinion, is that a jerk is a very self-centered person, who generally only thinks about themselves. I think the first line is pretty accurate when most women actually want when they say a nice guy. But let's talk about a jerk. Are you a jerk, am I a jerk? Sometimes I'm a jerk, sometimes I am selfish, I think it's healthy to be selfish, what do you guys think? Should we go around always putting others in before ourselves? Is that an attractive quality in a person? Someone who always sacrifices what they want for others? Ummmmmm I don't know. I cant answer for everyone but I don't think that's a good way to be. I don't think it's a good way to live, I think it's healthy, healthy, to be absolutely selfish. I like being selfish, I like doing what I want, I'll do what I want if that's what I want. I'll be a jerk, you'll be a jerk, don't be a jerk at work, that's not the place to be a jerk. Right, so, being a jerk, I like to be a jerk as long as I'm not hurting anyone. I mean the other day I think I made a little mistake with my daughter, I think I was a little bit of a jerk, but it was unintentional, my uhh my mom brought us some chocolates, and there was three chocolates she gave us, two of them were these little lindt balls,  and the third one was this little small box of smarties. So I took one of the lindt balls, she took one of the lindt balls, and then we both ate our chocolate lindt balls. Then, I took the box, and I said let's split the box, and she said it's my box of smarties and she said no it's my box of smarties. And I said no it's not, you just had one chocolate, I had one chocolate, let's split the box of smarties and she said no it's mine, and I started to get very upset, and I said Michelle were splitting it, you're being spoiled, and I opened the smarties and she started to go crazy. And I split them into two piles, evenly, and then she started to try to take the smarties from my pile, saying that they were hers, and then I snatched the last few ones and I put them in my mouth and I ate them. And then she exploded in anger and tears, and I thought she was acting like a jerk but it turns out that that box of smarties was actually hers, my grandma had , my grandma, her her grandma had given it to her, and I had eaten half of her box of smarties. So that was a jerk thing for me to do. See that's a jerk. I was ignoring the 4 year olds girls ideas and not listening to her, I was just being selfish and I didn't care about, I mean I thought I was being fair but apparently I was being a big jerk. Alright we're going to talk about a few other ways to use the word jerk. Jerk is often used to say that you're wasting time. It's a phrasal verb, stop jerking around. Stop wasting time. For example, do you remember you know when you were in school. And you had a group project, which is always awful cause you have to work with people. I mean group projects were terrible because every group project was the same. One person in the group did most of the word and had most of the good ideas, from my experience, and then everyone else would just jerk around. Meaning they'd just joke around and talk and no progress would every get made. And in those cases you would say Hey! Guys! Common stop jerking around! We have to finish this before we go home, the deadlines tomorrow we gotta stop jerking around. Stop jerking around, stop wasting time.  Stop wasting my time, I'm wasting your time, by repeatedly saying wasting time, I'm jerking around, don't let someone jerk around with your time. Jerking around. Another example is umm I was getting ready to go out with my wife and my daughter we were going to go into the village we wanted to get to the ice cream store before it closed which is generally around 10 but somedays it's earlier about 9. My wife and I were ready but my daughter was like I don't know what socks I want to wear daddy, I want to wear the orange and the purple socks daddy, and then I'm like alright put em on, ok I don't want to wear these anymore daddy I want to wear the polka dot socks daddy, alright fine put em on, daddy I want to wear I want, stop jerking around Michelle were going to miss the ice cream store. It's going to close, stop jerking around. Alright I'm going to wrap this podcast up, there's more to talk about with jerk but we don't really have time. It's actually a little more dirty then what we've already covered so I'm going to save this for Gabriel or Max or whoever we see next and we're going to continue phrasal verbs with jerk but remember jerk is a selfish person, which I don't think is bad but occasionally there too selfish to the point where they hurt other peoples feelings, where they're inconsiderate about other peoples feelings. And of course jerking around is being silly wasting peoples time. Being inconsiderate about others and what they need to do and just wasting time, you're jerking around. Pick your socks Michelle! Pick em! Stop jerking around with daddy's life! Alright, guys, listen to that podcast again, you know, right down the points, write down some sentences, try it out next time your speaking with some natives speakers or you're travelling through an English country. And we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of unnnncensored English!

Aug 22, 2016

By request, this is another episode to give you some conversational tricks for fitting into North American culture. Have fun!

*** INTRO***

 

***Transcript*** 

 

So i'm finally back at home with my normal microphone so you'll probably notice the sound quality is a lot better. Sorry for the stadicky podcast while I was in Halifax. But I had to buy a headset and it wasn't the greatest obviously. But were back to the normal podcast, back to the normal time , back to transcripts unfortunately for me, that's an hour of typing for every 10 minutes I talk. Ouch it hurts! Anyways, today I wanted to do a podcast about um, well what was it, it was a few weeks ago I was talking to one of my students and they said some of the podcasts they really like were about to not ask why when someone kinda bails on a commitment or abandons you on plans you have. I think that podcast was podcast number 52, invitations and avoiding awkward situations with John Rey. So I was out other day and I had another one of these situations where it became an awkward moment with someone I didn't know. And I know that these kind of awkward moments, I mean they happen in every culture but in every culture they happen for different reasons. So I'm going to share with you how to avoid these awkward moments in these two situations this week.

 

So the first one is at a party, or at a bar, or your at some kind of social gathering with friends, and people you don't know. And you're talking to someone and you're getting to know someone too, sorry getting to know someone new and then all of a sudden they pop a question, they ask you, they'll say oh look at this new jacket I got, you'll be like wow it's so nice where did you get it? And she'll be like oh I got it at American apparel blablabla, and all of a sudden she says guess how much it was, guess how much it was. The wrong thing to do here is to try to accurately guess the price of how much the jacket was. This is the wrong way to address that situation. This is not what you're trying to do, the whole guess how much the jacket was is a chance for you to create positive feelings between you and someone else and just vibe with them. Create a closer connection. So again you don't try to guess the price of the jacket, what you do is you try to guess an amount that will make the person proud of what they bought. So if you know the jacket costs 60$, you want to say more than it was. So they feel like they saved money, and they got a steal and they're a smart shopper. Does that make sense? You know the jacket cost 60$, you don't want to say 60$ and ya I got it! YOu want to say oh my god it looks like it was 90$ and then they're going to think whoa I got such an expensive looking jacket or I'm a smart shopper. I got a good deal for this jacket which looks like it's 90$. So whenever you have this game whenever you're in a social situation, it's the same thing with ages, you're at a bar and you're talking to someone new and the person says guess how old I am. You don't want to guess that woman or man's age accurately. You want to guess that woman or man's age a little bit younger cause that makes them feel good and that creates a positive situation. So again guessing a price, or guessing someone's age is not a test of your intelligence, it's an opportunity in North America to create positive feelings and create a positive social interaction. 


Ok so that's the first one, I hope you, I mean I'm sure some of you already knew this but I"m also sure some of you didn't. Now here's the second situation. I'm going to give you the scenario for this one and then I'm going to let you pause and think about it. And try to figure this one out for yourselves. So the second scenario happened yesterday, I was at a grocery store near my house. And I went their for a specific reason, I went there to get a shin Ramyun noodles, it's a kind of ramen, it's not healthy it's my guilty pleasure. I know I should stop eating it. But I probably have it a few times a week. So anyways I go there, I go to the aisle where they have them I pick it up I go get into the line for the people who have 4-12 items, or 12 items or less, the short line. Waiting in line, I get to the line, I get to the cash, I plop my pack of ramen down onto the conveyor belt. They guy takes it scans it says, ah ramen noodles, ramen noodles, and I say yeah they're a great hang over cure. Now this is where the awkward situation happened, I'm not going to tell you what he said right away. But what would you say if you were him.

What would you say if in response to what I said if you were him? And again it's an opportunity, these situations are opportunities to make friends, opportunities to create positive feelings or to vibe with someone. And by vibe I mean kinda connect with someone on a on a positive level. On a level where I'm going to think positively after that interaction. And I'm going to want to interact with him again. So what would you do?

So here's what happened, I said yeah ramen noodles there a great hang over cure. And then he said I don't drink so I don't need them for that. And the funny thing is when he said that like this is a really negative to say for him, because there is two things that happened, one he broke the connect that me and him were building, like I had ramen and he had ramen, and I said oh yeah they're a great hang over cure I'm talking about ramen. And then he says I don't drink, so now he disconnects me and him, and then he says I don't need them for that. And when he says that, I don't need them for that, it implies on some level that there is something fundamentally wrong with what I'm doing and he's kinda put himself above me. And I didn't take it personally of course, but the funny thing is the guy ahead of me who was already leaving, he looked at me and he rolled his eyes, almost to say this guy didn't know what he's doing. And who knows maybe the cash guy was just having a bad day. But I'm going to give you the socially intelligent response to what I said, so again, it doesn't matter if you drink alcohol. IT doesn't matter if you if you find the matter of ramen being a hang over cure useful or not. The opportunity is to create a friend, to create positive feelings and to vibe. So if I were the other guy, I was the cash guy, and the other guy said ramen is a great hang over cure, even though I don't drink or I'm not interested in it for that reason, I'm not going to say I don't drink, I don't need it for that. I would say wow great, I'm going to share it with one of my buddies who drinks next time I see him. Or I'll say oh great I'm going to remember that for the future in case I ever do start to drink. And there with those two answers you've taken that situation you've created positive feelings, a good impression and you maybe next time you see that person you can build on it and create an ongoing relation at the grocery store. Or maybe the guy will turn into a friend or not. And this is really useful information for you people who are living in North America or Canada and you don't have as many native friends and you want more speaking experience people like these can actually turn into friends if you avoid those terrible social blunders. 

Ok so I'm going to wrap this one up. Nothing very censorable on this episode. I know you guys like the bad words and the fun stuff. BUt it's very useful information. So remember how much does my jacket cost, how old am I, is not a test of your intelligence. It's an opportunity to create positive feelings, good energy and a potential friend. And again if someone says oh yeah ramen it's a great hang over cure, or you know any other friend, oh spinach is great for blablabla, doesn't matter if you are never going to eat it or are not interested in what they said it's really an opportunity for you to test your English skills and to connect with that person on another level by saying something creative like, oh I have a friend who would love to know about that, I'm going to share it with him next time I speak. Alright guys that's the end of the podcast. IF you liked it enjoyed it, rate it review it and we'll catch you next time on the next episode of Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnncensored English!

Aug 21, 2016

The video podcast is coming up but until we get there why not try the Tombstone challenge! There's something peculiar about the words written on a Halifax tombstone I found, can you help me out? 

Aug 19, 2016

Cultural habits and norms can vary so much depending upon where you live. I've noticed that some foreign people find the North American family dinner intimidating and weird, and excusing yourself from the table is sometimes even more intimidating. So here's how you can do it! 

Aug 19, 2016

After driving around Halifax for a the last 6 days these two idioms kept popping into my head. I also ramble a little bit about my sushi excursion.

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