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Uncensored English

Looking for a different angle on English language podcasts? Keiran the crazy Canadian goes where the other English podcasts don't... and more. Keiran and his native English guests discuss politically incorrect subjects as well as general English language, idioms, expressions, culture and more all while having natural unscripted conversations. This podcasts feature an educational exploration of language ranging from every day expressions, pop culture expressions, explicit language and anything in between. The podcast is geared towards adults students, professionals, university students as well as ESL teachers who want to step out of the "Safe Space" of the English language education community and have a little more fun. Join Keiran and his guests in their down to earth humorous conversations and learn to speak a more universal edgy form of English like a native! English ISN'T always PC!!!
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Now displaying: Category: english language education
Nov 17, 2016

Learn how to do a long warm heartfelt thank you, with lots of jokes and laughs. 

 

***Transcript***

Speaker 1:

What's up everybody? Today is Wednesday, November the 16th. How are you doing? How's it going as you walk along the street, listening to this podcast. Maybe you're going for a jog. Maybe you're going for a run. Maybe you're making breakfast. Maybe you are lying in bed, but not if you're Areil. I know she said she doesn't listen to my podcast when she's lying in bed, because my voice is too unstable and she can't sleep with that, so she listens to a more relaxing podcast, one that won't frighten her when she's trying to sleep.

 

 

How's it going, guys? It's November the 16th. Yes, it's hump day, it's hump day. Hump day is the end ... It's not the end. It's the middle of the week. Just like a camel has a hump in the middle of its back, Wednesday is the hump of the work week. We are over the hump. We're over the hump, guys. You made it to Wednesday. Congratulations. You've got two more days of bull crap. Then it's the weekend. You can do what you want. Congratulations.

 

 

Today's going to be a really weird podcast. Today all I'm going to do on the podcast is something I think I should have done a long time ago. I'm just going to thank you guys. I'm going to thank all you people out there for listening to the podcast, for encouraging me to do the podcast and my videos also, and for inspiring me, because I couldn't have done this alone, and I got a lot of people to thank, and I'm going to thank them one by one, and it's going to get funny at some point, so don't worry. It won't be too fucking boring.

 

 

I'm going to stop right at the top. I'm going to start right at the top with my student, and I'm going to talk, I'm going to thank Boris for being my first student. You were amazing. You were fun. I'm happy I could help you land that job in that company where you work now, where you're probably bored of working now, because you've been there for about a year, but thanks, man, for being my first student. Resul, my student from Turkmenistan, you are one crazy atheist, buddy, I'm really impressed by how you learned English. You were probably the most passionate student I've ever had. I learned so much from you, man. You're also fucking nuts. That's why I love you.

 

 

Irina. Irina from Moscow. Irina, I know you are sailing around the world right now. You're probably not going to listen to this. Maybe you'll never listen it. We were supposed to meet up in Montreal. I did drive down to the port. I couldn't find your boat. I was disappointed to not meet you, but I'm glad you landed a job and that our English sessions helped you out.

 

 

Alisa, also in Moscow, thank you for sending me all those amazing Russian students. I hope you're ... I hope my podcast has helped you. I hope you learned something from it. You have such amazing students. I don't know where you find these people.

 

 

Alisa, another Russian student, also ... She's not in Moscow. I don't know where you are. Actually I do know where you are. I'm not going to say where you are. That's nobody's business, but thanks for being a great student and for sharing the struggles of parenthood with me. I hope you're enjoying your life.

 

 

Ying, for helping me out with the Macbook. Oh my God, you saved my life and this podcast, so everyone else who listens to this has to say thank you to you, and for showing me how quickly a person can improve their language if they just work hard at it. It's amazing. You're an amazing student.

 

 

Ruben, you are one of my best students. I always had such fun talking to you. I learned a lot from you. Thank you for taking me to Teneriffe so many times, man. I know those flights aren't cheap. Well, they're free for you, but hey, I've never been there and now I've been there several times, and I can tell that to all my friends, and they're jealous, even though I actually haven't physically been there, but I've been there, and it's been cool going there.

 

 

Mellita, for teaching me the value of customer service and customer care, thank you so much. Those sessions we did together were very valuable for me. I learned a lot. I hope I helped you improve your English as much as you wanted to, and also for sharing all those amazing stories about all those concerts you've been to. Holy crap, I'm so jealous.

 

 

Monica, for being so brave in your life. You're an inspiring person, for going to Canada without knowing anyone there, not really knowing what you were getting into, doing the video challenge first, constantly pursuing what you want. It's an amazing way to live your life. I know it's not easy, but staying in a job you're not happy in is not ever going to be fulfilling.

 

 

Craig and Robert, my Polish pair, just for being Craig and Robert, you guys are great students. You're funny. You're intelligent. I've learned a lot from you guys.

 

 

Ariel, for being a great student and sharing all your interesting, amazing stories that you come up with, that you write. I think you are secretly one of Taiwan's best writers, and in the future maybe. Maybe that's what you should be pursuing. I don't know. Actually, I don't want to suggest things. I just think your stories are great.

 

 

Alex, in Colombia, man, in Bogota. I hope I said that properly. I'm sure I didn't. Keep going. Your English is going to improve a lot. Keep studying. Keep listening to yourself. Keep working at it.

 

 

Pavel. Haven't seen you in a while. You're a great student. You're a diligent student. You know what you want. You go after that. It's amazing. Thanks for sharing all those amazing interesting articles. The one about Elan Musk, the one about the spiderwebs, that just blew my mind. I hope those cats are doing well, too. I hope they're keeping you company, over in Montenegro.

 

 

Yasuyo, for being ... You are such an inspiration. It's amazing to see someone just pursue their goal and achieve them quickly. That's amazing. Keep going, you're doing great.

 

 

Dasha, I hope you're doing well. I know you were sick recently. You're a great student. I'm really, I was really disappointed I couldn't go to your wedding. It was a little far and I was pretty busy, but Edward told it was great, and I hope you're not having a hard time with all that stupid government shit that you got to do when you move across the world.

 

 

Vladimir. Vladimir Vladimir. I know that's not your second last name, but it's funny, for sharing lots of information with me about Russian traditions, Russian culture, and all those great cocktail recipes, and our great conversations. Keep it up, man. You're doing fantastic.

 

 

Anastasia, for amazing talks on [inaudible 00:07:24], sharing and teaching me about Singlish, that crazy, cute language, and just our opinions. We've had some really great, deep conversations. You're improving a lot. I know sometimes people out there don't feel like they're improving, but you got to put the time in, and it happens gradually. Just keep going.

 

 

Kostya, for educating me about small Russian cities. I don't know if we can call it a city. I guess you're the expert on that, but it looks like a city, with that population size you told me about.

 

 

Alexander Freeman. I don't know if that's how you ... It can't be your name, man. That's got to be a fake name. Anyways, your car you built is sick, it's impressive, man. Keep going with your English. You're a great student, and you have a great mindset. I would be a little worried about your car, because it's a really cool car, and I assume maybe Putin's going to steal it if he finds out about it, so maybe I should take this podcast down after I put it up.

 

 

Who else? Stefan, Stefano, in Italy, man. You're a model student. You always do your work. It's great. Keep going. You're going to have a great time when you get over there in the U.S. Don't worry about the Trump thing.

 

 

Then all those strangers in the private Facebook page, who I don't know who you are. I don't know who you are. You're there. I know you're listening. I don't know who you are. Who are you? Tell us who you are? We need to know? Anton, who are you? Are you a spy? Are you a spy, Beatrice? Bea is Spanish. Beatrice? I don't know. Beatrice, are you a spy? Maybe you guys are all spying together. Maybe you guys are colluding or something. I don't know. Tigris, I got to be butchering that name. I don't know who you guys are. Who are you? Tell us who are you.

 

 

Of course, Mais. I'm so happy that I could help you pass that stupid piece of shit TOEFL test. I hate those things. It's a scam. They're just taking money off people. You're an awesome person. Keep pursuing your goals. Keep going for it. I'm just so happy that I could have helped you, and that you motivate me a lot. You're one of those people who just knows what they want and they go after it. Keep going, and I know that exam you have to do is a lot of work coming up, but keep doing it, man. Keep going after it.

 

 

Okay, and all those Chinese students who have a hard time hearing me because your government is insane and they block a lot of stuff outside of your country ... Actually, you're not the only one with the insane government. Korea blocks a lot of stuff, too. That's Grace, Yonghao, Chelsea, Swen, Martian, keep going guys, keep studying, keep improving your English.

 

 

Oh fuck, I'm probably forgetting a few people. If I'm forgetting you, don't feel like I forgot you. It's not that I forgot you, it's just that in the moment I forgot you, but I remember you, just not right now. I'm going to remember you later, when the podcast's finished. "Oh, shit, I forgot that person."

 

 

Who else? Kinga, for all those great conversations we had. Your English is really good. It can improve a small little bit, but keep going. You're a great student, too. Birgit, haven't spoken to you in a while. I hope you're still listening. You're a passionate person. You inspire me to learn language. Keep going with your English. I hope you've reached that level that you were going for when we stopped our student-teacher relationship.

 

 

I think that's everybody I wanted to mention. I'm sure I forgot people. If I forgot you, I didn't forget you. I just forgot you right now. I wanted to make one small announcement. If you're in that private Facebook page, I hope you value it. I hope you value those weekly videos I'm putting up, because I'm officially closing that page to new people, except for new students of mine. I recommend if you're not in there you ask me about it and you get in, because I've put up some really useful, great videos that can help you learn language every week. Actually, the one this week is going to be more entertainment value.

 

 

I'm closing it for a bit. It's a little project of mine, and in the future it's going to be open again to other people, but it's mainly just for my paying students now. If you're in there, I hope you value it, and if any of my students, you guys are in there, if you ever want to ask me questions, just shoot me a question. I'll answer as soon as I can.

 

 

That's it for the podcast for today, guys. I have one small favor to ask of you. I have a small favor to ask of you guys. I've been doing this podcast for nearly a year. I've put out a hundred and five podcasts. I've made eight or nine video podcasts. I hope you guys have valued these, and I'd really like to ask all you people out there listening to give me some feedback, because in the next four or five months I'm going to be creating some programs to help English language learners out there, and I want to know what do you want to improve. What is interesting to you? I have a few ideas bouncing around in my head, but I want you to let me know which ones are most appealing to you. I'm just going to reel some of these off right off from the top of my head, and tell me if any of these are interesting to you.

 

 

One that I've already started making is a program on curse words, bad language, and slang. It's an audiobook. It's probably going to have a few videos that go along with it. I have another project I'm pushing around in my head, which is how to have great conversations in English. It's a book of great conversation questions and techniques to get conversations going. Then I have a third one, which is tales of crazy Canadians. This is going to be stories from people I know, from their lives, great stories with great expression, idioms, phrasal verbs, all in audio format along with the transcript, so you can read along.

 

 

Oh shit, I had a few more. I had a few more. One was just going to be self-study course on how to learn a language faster and in a deep, effective way. I think that's it, man. There's another one. I know I'm missing it, but that's it. That's it for now. If there's something that you want to learn that I haven't mentioned, something appealing to you, tell me about it, because I'm going to be building courses very soon, and I want to know what to work on. What's useful for you guys? What areas do you guys want to improve? You guys can send me an email to tell me this information, or if you're in the private Facebook page you can just put it in the comment section below, but if you're not, you can send me an email at uncensored.english.ca@gmail.com. That's uncensored.english.ca@gmail.com. Send me an email there. Tell me what you want, and also, if there's anything you don't like in the podcast, like the intro music is uncomfortable to listen to, or there's some problems you think I haven't weeded out yet, let me know.

 

 

All right, guys, I know this podcast was a weird format, but it's a one-off. It's not going to be happening again. Please give me some feedback. I love you guys. Have a great night, and we'll catch you next time on the next episode of Uncensored English.

Nov 14, 2016

Learn how to sound just a tad more fluent with a really simple idiom, plus we talk to an American about that silly election.

 ***Transcription***

 

 

Keiran:

All right. What's up everybody? Welcome to the Uncensored English Monday Podcast for November the 14th. And today, we have Max back on the podcast. How is it going, Max?

 

Max:

Hey, really good. How you doing, Keiran?

 

Keiran:

I'm doing good. I'm doing good. What'd you get up to on the weekend this week?

 

Max:

I saw a UFC fight on Saturday night.

 

Keiran:

Nice. Like in a bar or?

 

Max:

Oh yeah, sitting in a bar. Sorry. We didn't go to see it live, didn't go to Madison Square Garden.

 

Keiran:

Okay. Yeah. It's a little bit of a trek from Montreal.

 

Max:

Yeah, yeah. I'm not quite at that pay scale yet.

 

Keiran:

Alright. Last week on ... I think it was Wednesday. We did a podcast about the election, and you are the first American person I talked to about the election. And why don't you just ... You're living there. You're an American citizen. Why don't you just share your thoughts about what happened, man?

 

Max:

I think there was a lot of umm confusion between the different people just you know per state, and a lot of people, in my opinion, voted for change, and I think probably presidential candidate at the time, Donald Trump looked like he was giving a bigger message that he was going to change things and try to make things different, but ah Hillary, the democratic ... Hillary Clinton, democratic candidate,  ah looks like she wasn't really sending that same message, so she lost people's uh favor.

 

Keiran:

Yeah. I think also that people are just sick of politicians like Trump just doesn't seem like a politician.

 

Max:

Yeah.

 

Keiran:

He seems like a ... Maybe not the brightest like he's like ... You see, he comes across very honest, and I think people maybe think he has a successful track record in business. Maybe he can use that to improve the country or something.

 

Max:

Yeah. I think people were definitely thinking that. They're really hoping for that business savvy.

 

Keiran:

All right. Okay, great. Last week, we talked about umm this expression, "Rub me the wrong way," and I was saying how Donald Trump rubs me the wrong way, but also, Hillary rubs me the wrong way. I'm curious. Do either of those people rub you the wrong way in any sort of manner?

 

Max:

Umm no, no. They're just politicians. It's a different game. It's not something that I should take personally at all so.

 

Keiran:

Okay. Donald's hair doesn't rub you the wrong way?

 

Max:

It looks ugly, that hair. That hair rubs me the wrong way. Definitely ugly hair. Yeah, yeah.

 

Keiran:

Okay. I wanted to continue today with another expression that's very similar to, "Rub me the wrong way." It's, "Rubbed off on you," or, "Rubbed off on me."

 

Max:

Oh yeah.

 

Keiran:

Can you explain real quickly what does, "Rubbed off on you," mean?

 

Max:

"Rubbed off on you." If somebody rubbed off on me, it means pretty much that I've adopted some of their characteristics you know by spending time with them.

 

Keiran:

Right. In your recent life or like in the last few years, can you think of ... Who's the person who you think has rubbed off on you the most?

 

Max:

Oh man, loaded question. Umm.. that's a tough ...

 

Keiran:

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What's a loaded question? People might not know that.

 

Max:

A loaded question is a question with a lot of meaning behind it, so if I answer it wrongly, it wouldn't be as ... It's got a lot of weight behind it.

 

Keiran:

Okay. Let's do something to take the pressure off you. Let's take off ... take me another question because I don't want to ... I don't know, aside from ... Maybe people who you know who I don't know in your personal life, who has rubbed off on you the most in, in the last year?

 

Max:

Okay. Let's say my buddy Stefan has rubbed off on me the most in the last year. I learned a lot about the way he thinks about, ah you know situations and the way he patiently think things through. It's not my strongest suit.

 

Keiran:

Right. Do you think you rub off on him at all?

 

Max:

Yeah, definitely. I think he's got a ... He's a little bit more ... How do you say it? A little more expressive about his needs. He doesn't spend as much time thinking about it, and he knows quickly how he feels about things.

 

Keiran:

Ah that's great, man. I think that's another area where I've had a weakness in the past is like sometimes, instead of just communicating with someone or getting the issue out in the open, you think about it too much.

 

Max:

Yeah.

 

Keiran:

When you think about it too much, sometimes it builds into something that it actually isn't, and it turns into a terrible situation.

 

Max:

Right. It becomes a big deal even though it was a small thing that you weren't sure you cared about, but actually you did, and you waited too long to say it.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. So what else has rubbed off on you? It's not only people that rub off on you. Has anything else rubbed off on you in the last year?

 

Max:

Mmm.. I guess work life has rubbed off on me, really forcing me to get more organized in a lot of ways that I never expected to. Planning weeks in advance for simple meetings.

 

Keiran:

Right. That's that's probably a good thing in some ways. You know what's weird? I noticed that since I stopped comedy, I think I've become less lazy.

 

Max:

Really?

 

Keiran:

Yeah, and that doesn't surprise me because ... If you think about the group of comedians we hang out with, the vast majority of them are unemployed or like semi-employed.  And they're brilliant people, but I think it's a stereotype and it's generalizations, but there's a lot of lazy comedians.

 

Max:

Definitely. I would even say that I, myself, am a bit of a lazy comedian. I .

 

Keiran:

I would agree with you. You are lazy.

 

Max:

I don't even have a writing routine. Gosh, thank you, but I don't ... I didn't say that expecting you to say the opposite. I actually mean it. I don't have a writing routine. And you know they say your friends rub off on you, so the people you keep near you, you're going to adopt their traits.

 

Keiran:

Yeah.

 

Max:

If you hang out with people who are super motivated, always pushing each other, you might become competitive and motivated as well and push as well to get ahead of them and them ahead of you in terms of race.

 

Keiran:

Yeah.

 

Max:

If your friends are lazy, that will rub off on you, and you get lazy too.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, and that's one thing I love about being a private tutor online is I meet so many amazing people, and a lot of these people are really motivated or really accomplished. And I feel like just by being in their presence, some of those things rub off on me.

 

Max:

What what student, if I can ask you a question, has rubbed off on you let's say in the last year?

 

Keiran:

Oh man. Well, i can't really say names, but ...

 

Max:

Sure.

 

Keiran:

I think that, I'm going to talk about it soon. There's actually a student I've had who I've started teaching recently, and he is just so diligent, and he really ... Whatever exercise I ask him to do, he just does it in such a deep way, like I think we learn this method of studying in school where you have to learn something, and then move on to something, and then learn something, and move on to something. And we had that in language schools. You would have to teach like two pages a day, which is dumb because you can't learn something properly if you only look at it for two days.

 

Max:

Right.

 

Keiran:

And I... you know just by witnessing this student like take this one audio file and like work on it for like a week or two weeks, I've been applying that to my French studying, and I've been seeing amazing results.

 

Max:

That's fantastic.

 

Keiran:

Yeah.

 

Max:

It's actually kinda like a deep learning. You don't just ... It's like if you were reading a book. You wouldn't just read it once and assume you knew all of it. You'd go back, and read it slowly, and look for different kind of morals and ideas in it, right?

 

Keiran:

Right. Right, exactly.

 

Max:

Yeah.

 

Keiran:

And it's it's really like I'm just happy that that like trait has rubbed off on me because if I want to master anything, whether it's comedy, or teaching, or any other like life project or skill, you gotta, you gotta do it whatever you're doing like 110%.

 

Max:

Yeah. Yeah, and take your time doing it, right? I think that's the takeaway.

 

Keiran:

All right. Let's have some fun here. Let's create a few sentences just out of our minds with the expression, "Rubbed off on."

 

Max:

Okay.

 

Keiran:

All right. I'm drawing a blank here. You want to go first?

 

Max:

Yeah, i got one. I was having a really bad day, and it became a really bad month, and then I saw every time I came home, my dog was so happy. It really rubbed off on me, and i decided to be more happy just like my dog.

 

Keiran:

Aw, that's cute. You're such a sweetie pie, Max.

 

Max:

I'm a softie.

 

Keiran:

All right. Two year ago, when my wife went to Mongolia with my daughter, I decided to do as much comedy as i could and i started to hang out with Gabriel and Max more, and heavy drinking really started to rub off on me.

 

Max:

Yeah. Keiran's students, listen. That was a weird way to use that. We could try again.

 

Keiran:

Okay. Gabriel's heavy drinking really rubbed off on me.

 

Max:

Two years ago, this is me, Max. I started drinking heavily, and the lack of discipline and organization that my friends represented really rubbed off on me. Because I let myself go, I also ... Maybe we're not the best examples since we were doing this probably at the same time.

 

Keiran:

Yeah. Well, whatever. It's fun and it's a good example.

 

Max:

I'm just kidding, just kidding.

 

Keiran:

Let's just summarize this for the guys out there. Rubbing off on someone means you are influencing them, and if they rub off on you, that means you are being influenced by them probably just because you're around them a lot.

 

Max:

Right, and sometimes it's because you want those traits. Not always, but if you want to be like someone else that you spend time with, you will learn how they do it, and you will emulate it. You'll copy it.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, especially, yeah, if you witness it and you really ... You're just aware when you're around them. You can pick it up.

 

Max:

A good one  is growing up with your parents. I'm sure you've got a lot of traits, Keiran, that your parents have and you didn't even try.

 

Keiran:

Oh my god. I got my mom's worst trait which is she just loses like everything.

 

Max:

Oh, no.

 

Keiran:

Like every day, she loses her keys. Like every day, and we're just like ... I'm just like, "Please, just put it on the key rack." She's like, "Well, I always put it in my purse, or in the glove compartment, or I leave it in the ignition, or I put it on the counter, or I put it in my bag." I'm like, "Okay, so it's not in one of those six places. Where in like ...?"

 

Max:

Yeah, Keiran. I think that one might be genetic, buddy. Sorry.

 

Keiran:

Yeah. I don't know. Probably. My dad never loses shit.

 

Max:

No, no. I'm serious. I think it could be like ... You just learn that behavior of just dropping your stuff wherever.

 

Keiran:

But it's weird because when I lived on my own, I didn't lose shit as much, so I'm happy. I'm excited to be getting out of here soon because I think that problem will ... Like I don't have it that bad, but every once in a while, I do lose my wallet.

 

Max:

Ah, that's a bummer. It could be also when you're in a smaller place, it's harder to lose things.

 

Keiran:

Right, right. All right. We're going to wrap this podcast up, so guys, if you've liked this podcast, rate it, review it. If you're in the private Facebook page, feel free to test out this expression in the comment sections below. As always, you can record yourself saying some sentences if you want some corrections on pronunciation or grammar, or you can just write a few sentences down and I'll still point out what you're doing right or wrong. And that's it, man. You want to say toodaloo, Max, or give a goodbye to all these people out here?

 

Max:

I'll take your lead. Toodaloo, everyone. Toodaloo.

 

Keiran:

All right. We'll catch you on the next podcast of Uncensored English.

Nov 12, 2016

How do Eastern and Western people and cultures differ? Today Keiran and Edward discuss stereotypes and generalizations by contrasting their own experience. For more context open the link at the end of this description.

 http://ism.intervarsity.org/resource/east-vs-west-cultural-comparison

Nov 9, 2016

Learn a simple, fun, easy to use phrasal verb that is incredibly common. Today we discuss the presidential election, Trump and how you can sound more like a native speaker with this expression.

 

***Transcript***

 

What's up everybody? How's it going? I hope you're doing well. Today is Wednesday, November the 9th. It is one day after election day, or I guess it is kind of the day of the election that it has been decided. And what did I tell ya? What did I tell ya? I told all my students. None of them believed me. I told all my friends. None of them believed me. I told my family. None of them believed me, but Trump won. Trump won, so I gotta say. I gotta say I told you so. I told you so.

 

 

I told you so is an expression that it's probably not something you need to say most of the time, but it's just something you say to someone when you had one opinion and they had another opinion, and you ended up being right. It's kind of childish, but I told you so. I knew I was right man. Trump won. I don't know. I don't really think it's a big deal. Both of those candidates were pretty shitty, right? So whether they chose him or her, they're still getting a shitty president in the long run.

 

 

So, what do you think's going to happen? I don't know. There is one thing for sure is that Trump rubs me the wrong way. Does Trump rub you the wrong way? I think Trump rubs a lot of people the wrong way. What do you think that means, Trump rubs me the wrong way? It sounds kind of dirty in a way. It doesn't mean something dirty. It means that Trump, there's something about him that I don't like. There's something about him that I don't trust. That's what we mean when we say someone rubs us the wrong way, so I'm pretty sure Trump rubs most of all people the wrong way. Maybe it's because he's been the president of all his companies for I don't know 10, 20, 30 years, and he's used to having like the final say. I think he's very used to getting his way. That he can't really take an honest criticism.

 

 

Maybe that's what rubs me the wrong way about Trump. I mean you're going to have someone who's gonna  supposedly lead a country. You want that person to be able to look accurately at themselves, right. Maybe they will make a whole bunch of bad decisions, but they won't be aware of it because they can't take a criticism. So that's probably the main thing that rubs me the wrong way about Trump other than the fact that he's just blatantly racist. That also rubs me the wrong way.

 

 

But I think most people are probably a little bit racist in some way or another. So what rubs you the wrong way about Trump? What rubs you the wrong way about Trump? I'm sure there's lots of things that rub you the wrong way about Trump. If you guys are listening to the podcast inside of the private Facebook page, write it down. Write it down in the comments section below. What rubs you the wrong way about Trump? Did you watch those electoral debates? They were pathetic, man. It's so sad to see like that we all pay attention to this.

 

 

That's the first time I've ever watched any kind of American politics, and I was just ... I thought it was amazing about how childish they are, you know. That's another thing that rubs me the wrong way about both of them. It just seems so childish. If we had a presidential election for a classroom of like kindergartners, I think they would have better arguments. I think they might be better leaders than these two.

 

 

All right, guys. This is going to be a short podcast, so the expressions we did today were rub you the wrong way. It rubs you the wrong way. What rubs you the wrong way about Trump? And then the second one we did was I told you so. It's a popular thing to say when you're right. It's also a juvenile thing to say when you're right. Actually it's probably something that Donald Trump says a lot when he's right. But hey, I had to say I told you so because I knew that this was going to happen.

Nov 7, 2016

Think Canada is one of the best countries to live in? You may be right… but you may be wrong....
Listen in on Melissa and Keiran as they discuss a surprising discovery that happened just last week. Subscribe & Get the FREE transcript at UncensoredEnglish.ca

 

*** Transcript *** 

Keiran:

All right. Today we have Melissa back on the podcast.

How's it going, Melissa?

 

Melissa: Good, Keiran. How are you?

 

Keiran: I'm all right. I'm all right. What's new with you?

 

Melissa: Not too much. I had a long day at work today, but I don't feel so bad because it's raining outside.

 

Keiran: Ok. It's not the worst day to be locked inside.

 

Melissa: Yes. Exactly.

 

Keiran:

All right. All right. Today, we have a not so pleasant topic we're going to talk about. Melissa is unaware of what it is. It is a little bit gross. If you're a squeamish person, if you're a person who doesn’t like graphic descriptions of things, maybe you should stop listening to the podcast now. If you have the courage to go ahead, maybe we should start now. 

Are you ready to hear about this article, Melissa?

 

Melissa:

Sounds like I'm in for a treat.

 

Keiran:

Yes. You are.

I read this a few days ago in the newspaper. It's about a retirement home in Ottawa. I'm not going to read the title because it gives away everything. Actually, it's all in the first paragraph anyway. Let's just start it off. 

 

"Staff at an Ottawa nursing home, recently discovered that maggots had infested a resident's leg wound, landing the woman in hospital, horrifying her family and triggered a police investigation. The Ottawa police force said Tuesday, it's elder abuse unit has had deemed the incident to be a noncriminal matter. But the discovery suggesting flies laid eggs and larvae hatched in the sore before anyone noticed, raises a new question about the quality of care in Canadian long-term facilities."

Okay. Melissa. What do you think about that?

Melissa:

That's sad.

Keiran:

Yes. It's sad and it's pathetic in my mind.

Melissa:

My gosh. How? So in order for a fly lay any type of eggs, or for larvae to grow, the wound must have been open long enough for that to happen and flies would have to land on it.

Keiran: Right.

Melissa: That's disturbing.

 

Keiran:

Right. It says here in the article, "It takes days for fly larvae to reach a full grown stage. Something that should not happen in a properly treated patient." 

Ummm... so basically this woman ... I think what happened is that she had a wound, and she was just was neglected or no one treated her for a few days.

 

Melissa: Absolutely.

 

Keiran: And uh ..I mean, it's this issue that I talk about with many of my students about retirement homes. I don't know. Have you been to any of them recently? Do you have any family in retirement homes?

 

Melissa: I have my Grandma who's in a retirement home, yeah. And I go and visit her once and awhile.

 

Keiran: Yes. One of my grandmas is in there too. Well, I should say my Grandma. The other one is dead. She can't be in the retirement home.

 But I just thing the place is so depressing. There's a wide variety of people ... this I think  is the end of the road home. Before this, I think she was in a more active home with healthier people. In this one, there is just bunch of people in wheelchairs parked in front of TVs and a lot of people can't ... they're really losing their wit or their bodily functions. And, I think that these places probably speed up the mental deterioration of the people who live there.

 

Melissa: Absolutely. Yeah. The lack of emotional support and intellectual stimulation, is really gonna to accelerate the process because people don't really want to be around there. What kind of environment would you want to keep living in if it's terrible?

Keiran: I remember ... you always hear about ... that's neglect, right? This situation is neglect. This woman was not taken care of properly. They probably didn't know that the wound needed to be cleaned or something.

You also hear about abuse. Patients who are just mad at old people. Old people get senile. Maybe they become difficult. They're kind of like kids after a certain point; like really young kids.

Melissa: Umhmm  

Keiran : What's the solution? Obviously, this situation doesn't work.

 

Melissa: I mean, I think it's a societal responsibility. It's a civil responsibility. The way a society should take care of homeless people and of children, it's society's responsibility to take care of elderly people. And it's not a priority of modern societies. But I think it should be a little but more than it is.

Keiran:

It's scary. I think for myself, my Grandma is pretty lucky, because she has one of her daughters lives in that town that her home is in. And then my mom lives about an hour away. They take turns taking care of her. She sees someone almost everyday. I think most people don't get that in a retirement home.

 

Melissa: You're right. Most people don't. Even if you think bout how demanding life is in general, even if you're an adult and you have kids. And then never mind trying to go spend time with elderly people, or grandmothers or grandparents it ends up being difficult. That's why the solution has to be societal one. To allow people the time to support a part of society that's growing older.

 

Keiran: There's also the situation that I think a huge part of our society is growing older. Which is a bad situation, right? The youth is smaller and the seniors ... the size of the population has grown a lot because people live longer now. 

 

Melissa:

Yeah, and I read an article not too long ago. It was really interesting; trying to find simple solutions to alleviate some of the problems. This article was about how school children came into the nursing home to play with the people and to get to know them; to play games and play cards and play all these things. It ended up being a mutually beneficial environment because the elderly people felt engaged and entertained. The kids, it provided them people to talk to and play games. It ended up being a win-win situation. I think if we spent just a little bit of time to think about solutions, we can come up with some that are innovative and really quite simple.

Keiran:

I always thought that they should just put daycare in the same building as a retirement home.

Melissa: Yeah

Keiran: Kids that age are not judgmental. Older people have nothing to do. Why not just put them together?

Melissa:

Put them together.

 Keiran:

Let them fight it out and have fun with each other.

 Melissa:

How rejuvenating would it be to have your life infused with the youthfulness and energy of young kids? I think that would be an example of a simple thing, if you want to call it simple, solution as opposed to ... we always think that money is the solution though. If you put more money into the system it will help. It doesn't have to be money. There are lots of creative way that we can find simple solutions that can make it better.

Keiran:

Let's switch things up here and have a fun question to end it off on. 

How would you like to die? 

Melissa:

How would I like to die? That's such a good question. I've never thought about it, but I would like to die doing something that's really exciting; that gets my adrenaline pumping. Be it ...

Keiran:

Picking maggots out of a wound on your leg?

Melissa:

Yes. That is definitely not the way I'd want to die. 

Like a really difficult rock climbing problem. Or doing a really difficult physical exercise.

Keiran:

Yes. That would be fun, right?

Melissa:

So it's sudden. You end up dying in a happy moment.

 

Keiran:

On a high?

 

Melissa:

Exactly. On a high.

 

Keiran:

I wouldn't want to die in a home. That's my nightmare. I don't want to be just lying around waiting like, "When will it come?" To me, that's the most terrible scenario ever.

 

Melissa:

No kidding.

 

Keiran:

I think I want to die in an airplane crash. I think that's kind of exciting, you know? Then you can die with lots of other people at the same time, so it's like a big group activity.

 

Melissa:

The process of the plane coming down and everybody screaming, that would be freaking me out.

 

Keiran:

It only lasts like a minute or something. You might even just die on the way down from shock.

 

Melissa:

Yeah, well you know what, as long as I have Chris next to me, that'd be fine.

 

Keiran:

All right. That's very romantic.

 

Melissa:

Yes.

 

Keiran:

All right. Anyways, thanks for coming on this podcast and having this casual conversation about leg maggots and death.

 

Melissa:

Thanks Keiran. Thanks for having me.

 

Keiran:

All right, guys. I hope you guys enjoyed this podcast. Remember, you can get the transcript for it on the website. If you liked it, rate it. Review it.

 

 

We'll catch you next time on the next podcast of Uncensored English.

Nov 5, 2016

How to use the common and useful expression "in the world", plus Keiran complains about another shitty language partner. Lastly he rambles about random things.

 

*** No Transcript for this one, but feel free to write one as a challenge to yourself and the send it to me***

Nov 2, 2016

It's finally here, Episode number 100... sort of, the switchboard operator challenge. Today I call up a bunch of switch board operators and attempt to spark up some random conversation.

*** Transcript***

Keiran

All right, what's up everybody? Today is finally podcast number 100 and that means today we are going to be doing the switchboard challenge, which is a challenge for me not for you.

 

 

You can just sit back there and relax and I've got about 5 phone numbers here I'm going to try calling. The phone numbers belong to various Fortune 500 companies in the US. I'm going to call all 5 of them. I'm going to hopefully get ahold of someone to talk to. Hopefully they're not all run by automated systems, although they might be.

 

 

But we'll find something, don't worry.

 

 

In case we don't, you know I got Gabriel's numbers here. Just in case we don't get in touch with anyone. And I think I'll also call my mom, just for fun, you know. We'll prank call both of those people.

 

 

I'm going to actually talk to the switchboard operators, but if I don't get ahold of these people then I'm going to prank call Gabriel with the switchboard. I mean the soundboard. An Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard. He's going to pick up the phone and I'm going to say something like, "Good morning, how are you?" "If I'm not me, who the hell am I?"

 

 

And other stuff like that. You get the point.

 

 

All right, so let's do this. I used to have to do this 8 hours a day for ... the whole day. I hated it. I hated doing this. But we're just going to do it for fun. I'm going to try to have conversations with these people. It might not work, because a lot of these people, they just do what I just described to you. They just sit there the whole day. They answer the phone. Nobody wants to talk to them. They're probably in a bad mood. They probably hate what they're doing. But we're going to see. And worst case scenario, we're going to prank call Gabriel or my mom or someone else.

 

 

So I've got the first number ready here. We're calling the Hilton Hotel head office, somewhere in the US. All right, let's do this.

 

 

All right. It's going. I'm calling them on Skype, so they don't know my number.

 

 

(telephone rings)

 

Female 1:

Good afternoon, thank you for calling. You have [inaudible 00:02:16] how can I help you?

 

Keiran:

Hi, how are you doing?

 

Female 1:

Wonderful. How are you?

 

Keiran:

I'm pretty good. What are you up to?

 

Female 1:

I'm just answering the telephone. How can I help you?

 

Keiran:

I'm not really calling for any purpose. I'm just calling around because I'm bored, trying to talk to someone.

 

Female 1:

Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I'm working. I can't sit here and talk to you.

 

Keiran:

But if you hang up doesn't that mean that you just talk to someone else?

 

Female 1:

Yes, sir, but I got other people that need to get through.

 

Keiran:

Through to where? (both laugh)

 

Female 1:

Have a wonderful day. Bye.

 

Keiran:

All right, have a good one. Bye bye.

 

 

All right, that one didn't really go very far. Let's see if I can try to get a better conversation out of the next person.

 

 

All right, so that didn't work very well. We're going to try another one out this time. I think I'm going to role play. I think I'll be more comfortable doing that.

 

 

I'm going to call Walmart. I'm going to put in the number right here. And my whole shtick for this call is I'm going to pretend to be some small town person, and I'm calling up Walmart because I want to have a Walmart in my town. I'm going to try to get the switchboard operator to recommend a Walmart in my town even though that's not their job. They're just going to tell me, "Sir, I can't do anything but connect you to the person you want to talk to." So let's see what happens here.

 

 

(telephone rings)

 

Automated 1:

This call may be monitored or reported to assure quality service or for other business purposes ...

 

Keiran:

They're recording me. I'm recording you too.

 

Automated 1:

Thank you for calling one of our store's corporate offices. If you are calling for Walmart.com or ... (Keiran presses button)

 

Female 2:

Thank you for calling Walmart Home Office. How may I assist you?

 

Keiran:

Hi, I'd like to order a Walmart for my town.

 

Female 2:

... You want to order a Walmart? (incredulous laughter)

 

Keiran:

Yeah, we want a Walmart ...

 

Female 2:

Or you want to suggest a Walmart in your store? I mean in your town?

 

Keiran:

Yeah, we want a Walmart in our town. We have to travel bout two hours to get to one.

 

Female 2:

I understand what you're saying here. What city and state do you live in?

 

Keiran:

We're in an English state in Quebec in Canada.

 

Female 2:

Okay. Let me get you over to our Canadian ... our Canadian office. Just one moment please.

 

Keiran:

All right, thank you.

 

Female 2:

All right, just one second. Let me get that number for you. Their number is 905-821-2111.

 

Keiran:

905-821-2111.

 

Female 2:

Right.

 

Keiran:

All right. Thank you.

 

Female 2:

You have a good day, and thank you for calling.

 

Keiran:

You too.

 

Female 2:

Bye bye.

 

Keiran:

(laughs)

 

 

All right, I'm going to call this other number and see if I can get them to give me a Walmart in my fictional town, which I'm going to call Keiran's Vill, obviously. Here we go. This is so stupid. (laughs)

 

Female 3:

[inaudible 00:05:45] How can I help you?

 

Keiran:

Hi, I'd like to order a Walmart.

 

Female 3:

.. You'd like to order a what, sorry?

 

Keiran:

A Walmart.

 

Female 3:

... I'm not. ... You want to order a Walmart?

 

Keiran:

Yeah, we want a Walmart in our town.

 

Female 3:

One moment please. I'll put you through to the right department.

 

 

(waiting music plays)

 

Keiran:

(laughs) Oh my god this is too much fun.

 

 

(telephone rings)

 

Automated 2:

Thank you for calling Walmart Canada. [French 00:06:19]

 

Keiran:

All right, come on.

 

Automated 2:

For online shopping, press 1. For store information and inquiries, press 2. To repeat the menu options, press 9. ... Sorry. We did not receive your selection. Please try again.

 

Keiran:

Okay. These calls aren't going well. I just keep getting put on hold a lot. So I'm just going to call Gabriel now and fuck around with him with the Arnold switchboard. And then I'm going to try to call these numbers again later, and avoid all those wait times so you guys don't have to listen to the waiting music. Here we go. Here's dumb ass Gabriel's number. Let's see what fun we can have with him.

 

 

(telephone rings)

 

Gabriel:

Hello?

 

Keiran:

(in Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard voice) Howdy, stranger. (laughs)

 

Gabriel:

Hello?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) How are you?

 

Gabriel:

I'm good. [inaudible 00:07:32] What am I, I'm Gabriel. Who's this?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) First, I would like to just get to know you.

 

Gabriel:

... [inaudible 00:07:42]

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) What do you expect?

 

Gabriel:

(laughs) [crosstalk 00:07:50] Who are you?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is me, Arnold Schwarzenegger. How are you?

 

Gabriel:

Oh. (laughs) Really?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) You son of a bitch.

 

Gabriel:

(laughs) Am I?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Fuck you.

 

Gabriel:

Fuck me?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Fuck you.

 

Gabriel:

Fuck me?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Stop whining!

 

Gabriel:

Okay, I'm sorry.

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Bitch!

 

Gabriel:

(laughs) Why am I a bitch?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) You son of a bitch! Come on, don't bullshit me.

 

Gabriel:

Do the one where he's like, "I'm going to jam my fist into your stomach."

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) You lie! You shut up! ... Now I'm going to ask you ...

 

Gabriel:

Who is this?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) ... a bunch of questions. I want to have them answered immediately.

 

Gabriel:

(laughs) ... Okay.

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) What do you want? ... What do you want?

 

Gabriel:

Hello?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) What do you want?

 

Gabriel:

Why'd you call me, man?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Get your mother, please.

 

Gabriel:

My mom?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Get your mother, please.

 

Gabriel:

(laughs)

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Let me talk to your mother.

 

Gabriel:

(laughs) Yeah? She didn't even know me.

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) I'm Detective John Kimble. Let me talk to your mother.

 

Gabriel:

[inaudible 00:09:20]

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Stop it! Good bye.

 

Gabriel:

Bye ...

 

Keiran:

(laughs) All right, he caught on after a while that I was using the switchboard. But it was still fun. I'll call my mom. My mom won't catch on. She's not as clever as Gabriel is. Hold on. Give me a second to get her number on the line. [inaudible 00:09:44] and we'll give her a call.

 

 

All right, I had no luck with my mom, or my mom's trainer, so I cut that out of the podcast. So I'm going to call my sister now. And after that I'm going to try calling a few switchboard operators, and if it doesn't work I guess I'm just going to give up now. Because I've got a language exchange set. Actually it started 25 minutes ago. The guy's just late, and he just sent me a message. So I'm going to let him wait a few more minutes because he made me wait. And we're going to wrap this up. So let's give these two people another try. Here we go.

 

 

Okay. I'm going to try calling my sister. Because my mom's not working and the other people didn't really work, so why not try this, right? Here we go. This is my middle sister. See if we can get a little fun out of her.

 

 

(telephone rings)

 

Sister:

Hello?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Howdy, stranger.

 

Sister:

Hello?

 

Keiran:

(Schwarzenegger) Hello, cutie pie.

 

Sister:

... (hangs up)

 

Keiran:

(laughs) Oh man. I'm not having any success with these Arnold Schwarzenegger switchboard prank calls. Only Gabriel's silly enough to go along with it, I guess.

 

 

All right, this has been largely unsuccessful. I'm going to try calling one more number. We've got Coca Cola here. I'll try calling them. Maybe they'll be friendlier than the rest. So here we go. 1 ... 704 there's the number ... 4000 ... 1704 no, 170455744400 yeah. Yeah okay. I'm calling their number now. Let's do it. Here we go.

 

 

(telephone rings)

 

Female 4:

Afternoon. Coca Cola.

 

Keiran:

Hi, how's it going?

 

Female 4:

It's going good. How'd it going with you?

 

Keiran:

I'm pretty good. Ready to go home. The day is almost over.

 

Female 4:

Yes, almost over.

 

Keiran:

All right. What are you doing when you get home?

 

Female 4:

I don't know yet. I haven't decided. But I'm going to get my hair did, for one thing.

 

Keiran:

Nice. Is that a special occasion for you, or you do it regularly?

 

Female 4:

No, I just do it every Wednesday.

 

Keiran:

Oh, every Wednesday? Wow. So that's pretty regular.

 

Female 4:

Yeah, that's regular.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, I cut my hair once a year.

 

Female 4:

(laughs) Well your hair must be real, real long.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, it starts out short and at the end of the year it kind of turns into an afro and then I got to cut it off.

 

Female 4:

Okay.

 

Keiran:

So does that break the bank, going to do your hair once a week?

 

Female 4:

No, no, not really. You have to budget and know when to do and when not to do. What not to do. Know what to do and what not to do.

 

Keiran:

(laughs) Right right right. Great. So do you do the same thing every week? Or do you get something special done?

 

Female 4:

No, same thing.

 

Keiran:

All right. Wow. I don't think I could survive if I had to do my hair every week. That would stress me out a lot.

 

Female 4:

Oh, well ... To each his own, I guess. (laughs)

 

Keiran:

Okay. I actually ...

 

Female 4:

How may I help you?

 

Keiran:

I actually just forgot why I called, in all honesty. (laughs)

 

Female 4:

Well. You want to call me back when you find out what you want or what you need?

 

Keiran:

Yeah, maybe I'll do that. But if I don't figure it out, you have good luck with your haircut.

 

Female 4:

Okay. All right. Well thank you so much.

 

Keiran:

All right. Have a good one.

 

Female 4:

You too.

 

Keiran:

Bye bye.

 

 

All right. That was fun. She was a fun woman. I hope she gets a good haircut in the future. ...

 

 

All right. So that woman was very pleasant and very nice, and was just a delight to talk to. So I guess not all switchboard operators are unhappy people. I guess I made a huge mistake with that idea I had at the beginning of the podcast.

 

 

Okay, guys, I hope you found that useful. There was actually a good idiom in there when I was talking to this woman just moments ago. It was: Are you going to break the bank? By going to the hair salon every week. Are you going to break the bank? Meaning: Are you going to spend a lot of money doing that? My haircut would cost about 15 or 20 dollars if I went. But when my wife goes, she spends up to 170, 180 bucks. So for this woman to go every week, I assume she's spending quite a decent amount of money. But I guess that depends what kind of hairdresser you're going to.

Nov 1, 2016

Today on Uncensored English Gabe tells us about his embarrasingly stupid halloween adventure. 

 

*** Transcript***

 

Keiran:

All right. What’s up Gabriel? It's good to have you back on the podcast.

 

Gabriel:

Hey.

 

Keiran:

How's it going man?

 

Gabriel:

Good to be back. A lot of things, a lot of life-changing moments in my life and I am living it very well.

 

Keiran:

Yeah. What are these big moments you're talking about?

 

Gabriel:

These are personal things. These are very, very personal. I'm recently a man of faith.

 

Keiran:

You're recently a what?

 

Gabriel:

A man of faith.

 

Keiran:

A man of faith, really? What happened?

 

Gabriel:

Well, I had a long conversation with a fellow comedian about Christianity and he convinced me that the way I was living my life was completely wrong and so now, I'm a man of faith.

 

Keiran:

All right and what did he tell you? What's this bullshit story you're telling me?

 

Gabriel:

Well, he saw me. He constantly run into me on my way as I was going out, doing the [Boettcherist 00:01:09] terrible things like meeting up with really sexy ladies. He said he was able to smell the HPV on me and because of that-

 

Keiran:

Does HPV have a scent?

 

Gabriel:

According to [he 00:01:24], to him it does. I was like, "By goodness gracious, you're right," and I went to ... I bought a cross.

 

Keiran:

Wait. This is stupid. I remember you telling me you went to like Greek-

 

Gabriel:

Oh, yeah.

 

Keiran:

Like some Greek Catholic holiday. When was that? Was that in the summer? What was that thing you went to, like the Greek church?

 

Gabriel:

Oh, was it Easter?

 

Keiran:

Yeah, you went to Greek Easter.

 

Gabriel:

Well, okay. When I was a kid-

 

Keiran:

[crosstalk 00:01:59] your stories is a bunch of bullshit.

 

Gabriel:

No, okay.

 

Keiran:

Because really you already are religious to some extent.

 

Gabriel:

No, no. What happened was, I was baptized Roman Catholic and then when I was 16 years old, my mother baptized me behind my dad’s back, Greek orthodox, and now I rebaptized myself Catholic.

 

Keiran:

Okay, so you’ve been baptized three times basically?

 

Gabriel:

Yeah.

 

Keiran:

Basically you've been dunked in stinky water three times.

 

Gabriel:

No, they just put a little bit of water on your forehead.

 

Keiran:

All right. Well, congratulations for that, I guess.

 

Gabriel:

May the Lord be with you too.

 

Keiran:

All right, so since you've had this stupid change in your life, what have you been doing now on the weekend, man?

 

Gabriel:

Oh, man. I got fucked up and what did I do. Okay, this Halloween I dressed up as ... Oh, I bought a beekeepers outfit.

 

Keiran:

A beekeepers, like you bought a real one or that you bought from a costume store?

 

Gabriel:

It was a costume. It was a costume.

 

Keiran:

Okay.

 

Gabriel:

It covers my entire body from head to toe and you can’t see my face.

 

Keiran:

That's not creepy or anything.

 

Gabriel:

It's amazing to walk around and everyone's like, "Yeah. Beekeeper." Then on my chest, there's a little name tag that just says, "Beekeeper," but then I took a sharpie and cut out like the B to make it look like a P so it just says, "P keeper." Everybody hates it. Everybody's disgusted by it.

 

Keiran:

Well, technically everyone's a P keeper [crosstalk 00:03:44]-

 

Gabriel:

I know. The best was I had to work with it all day Saturday and I was bringing food to people in my beekeeper outfit. They see the P and they're like, they're not impressed, like everyone’s rolling their eyes. They're like, "Oh, you [inaudible 00:04:02]."

 

Keiran:

Yeah, it's kind of lowbrow humor, I guess.

 

Gabriel:

Oh, it's so stupid.

 

Keiran:

I don't know. I think that was a pretty funny idea.

 

Gabriel:

Yeah.

 

Keiran:

Okay, so that was your Halloween, you just went as a beekeeper at [McGibbons 00:04:15] or you didn't do anything else?

 

Gabriel:

No, I met up with other comedians, like good friends of mine. They're great, I love them.

 

Keiran:

Okay, and what did you guys do?

 

Gabriel:

Well, first we were drinking at one of my friend's, Dylan’s, place, our friend and we drank and drank and drank. Then I invited my girlfriend, Bart Simpson, and she came over.

 

Keiran:

That was her costume or that's her pretend stupid name you're giving her so she can retain her anonymity through this story.

 

Gabriel:

No, that’s her nickname because I was seeing her for like two months and then when I was going to invite her, I realized that I didn’t actually know her name.

 

Keiran:

Really?

 

Gabriel:

I didn’t know if it was either Cassandra or the Cassidy. I was like, "Fuck." I was talking to whatever Jason, and Jason’s like, "What do you call her?" I'm like, "I just call her Bart."

 

Keiran:

That's kind of weird especially if you're using that name during sex.

 

Gabriel:

I don't know if I'm fucking her I'm like, "Yeah, Bart. Suck my dick, Bart."

 

Keiran:

All right, so what happened with Bart and the gang of comics?

 

Gabriel:

They came in and then like Dylan's like, "Hey, I'm Dylan," and she's like, "Hi, I'm Cassidy." I'm like, "All right. That’s cool." She was dressed like a hippie. [Thanos 00:05:34] was dressed like a mechanic. Jason was dressed as a butcher, [Omer 00:05:39] was dressed as a spooky Mario and Dylan was dressed as like a sexy like Batman with like an open shirt, you know?

 

Keiran:

That's terrible.

 

Gabriel:

We went to a house party that sucked but we got really drunk. Then we went to like the bar I work at. It was crazy there. Everyone was going crazy, everyone was going wild. Oh, yeah and like the girl I was with was forcing me ... Not forcing me, like trying to convince us all to do gay stuff, like kiss each other-

 

Keiran:

Kiss the other guy comics that were there.

 

Gabriel:

Yeah, kiss each other and then Thanos was like, "Come on man. It'll be funny." I'm like, "I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to do that," and then like my buddy Omer kissed him and then he opened his mouth a bit with a little bit of tongue and fucking Thanos almost threw up. He's like, "Oh, my God. Y'all gave me head and think I..." Then whenever Thanos grabbed me and fucking literally force kissed me on the lips. I was like, "Ah, man." It was weird. Then left the girls all happy.

 

Keiran:

Why would that make her happy?

 

Gabriel:

I think she just liked the power or something, I don't know.

 

Keiran:

Gross.

 

Gabriel:

Then we were going around and we saw some other friends-

 

Keiran:

I think I lost respect for all of you just now.

 

Gabriel:

No, come on man. We're cool.

 

Keiran:

No, from now on I’m not giving any of you guys any respect in public. That was just such a bad decision. If you guys were gay then fine, but I mean ... All right, anyways. Keep going.

 

Gabriel:

Well, yeah. We love each other. Anyway, then we were at the ... We saw some other friends and me and Bart Simpson, we saw like ... She was trying to convince those people to kiss each other and then they're like, "If we make out, can I fuck around with you?" I'm like, "All right, we've got to go." Then, oh I don't remember what the fuck else happened. Oh, we had like car bombs which was like we'd take a half pint of Guinness beer and drop a shot of Jameson whiskey in it and drink it.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, that's a car bomb.

 

Gabriel:

We had that. It was good.

 

Keiran:

What's the stupidest Halloween costume you've ever had and what's the best Halloween costume you've ever had, besides a beekeeper?

 

Gabriel:

Last year when I was the Wolfman because I have a beard and I have like a jean jacket and then like every place we'd go to had a coat check but I'd be like, "Nah, it's part of my costume." They're like, "Oh, okay," so they let me get in places with my coat. I guess that's a smart costume. Stupid costume, I went as Dr. Oz one year, that was funny. Then another year I went as-

 

Keiran:

Wait. Who's Dr. Oz?

 

Gabriel:

He's the guy that's on daytime TV in North America where he talks about like women’s issues but more like biological women's issues.

 

Keiran:

Oh, okay. He's some kind of fake Dr. TV-

 

Gabriel:

He's a real surgeon, but he went onto TV and then he added, Oprah made him famous and then just him talking to women about how to avoid getting constipated or whatever. "If you need to take a shit, you've got to eat fiber." Everyone's like, "Oh."

 

Keiran:

That's just basic information, man. That's just like drink water and eat fiber and then you'll have-

 

Gabriel:

Yeah, but these dumb brawds over in ... No, anyway.

 

Keiran:

All right. I'm going to post this in the Montreal comedy community.

 

Gabriel:

You know what? I don't even care anymore. I couldn't give a shit.

 

Keiran:

All right. No, no. It's fine. They're done with they don't know how to eat a proper diet. That’s pretty basic information.

 

Gabriel:

Yeah.

 

Keiran:

All right. I think, one time I went out as like a 80s porn star.

 

Gabriel:

That's cool.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, it was a pretty good costume. I had like a Speedo and then a really tacky red ... You know those windbreaker jackets?

 

Gabriel:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

Keiran:

Then I had a really stupid mustache and shades but then I went out with another friend and he just one upped me. He just had the same costume but he didn't bring a jacket. He was just in a Speedo and he got an award for like the best costume or something. I was just like, "Man, you just stole my idea."

 

Gabriel:

Yeah, fuck that. Then, fuck, everyone sees a Speedo and they're like, "Uck."

 

Keiran:

Yeah, I was in a Speedo dude.

 

Gabriel:

Yeah, I know but like just a Speedo? It's fucked up.

 

Keiran:

No, a Speedo and a jacket. It's an embarrassing costume. That's ... Yeah, why did I wear that? Ah, dude.

 

Gabriel:

You were able to hear that?

 

Keiran:

Really man?

 

Gabriel:

I didn't know. Okay.

 

Keiran:

That's, I think ... Oh, God. This is degrading into a terrible [crosstalk 00:10:33].

 

Gabriel:

No, it's good.

 

Keiran:

All right man. I think that's enough of a random small talk, pretty-

 

Gabriel:

You think?

 

Keiran:

This has been ten minutes. All right, do you have anything you want to say to the people out there before we end this train wreck of a podcast?

 

Gabriel:

Listen to your mom. Listen to your mom’s, listen to your dad’s, read your Bible every evening, pray three times a day.

 

Keiran:

What about if your dad baptizes you in one church and your mom baptizes you in another church?

 

Gabriel:

Oh, they're good people. They want to help. Oh, yeah. I haven't got any emails from you fucking people there. I said last time I was on I wanted to get emails from you people so I could read them on the air. I didn't get any, so please send me a god damn email.

 

Keiran:

All right, what's your email address?

 

Gabriel:

Gabomassi@gmail.com. Send me one. Send me some tit pics, some dick pics. I don't care man. I want to just get an email from a stranger and I’ll send you an email back. I’ll send you a photograph, a letter, autograph rather.

 

Keiran:

All right, you can send Gab your most terrible, awful English-language questions and he'll answer them.

 

Gabriel:

Yeah and then I’ll really-

 

Keiran:

Don't feel like you need to send him a picture unless you really [crosstalk 00:11:57] something.

 

Gabriel:

Send me, if you have questions about problems or you need like advice or personal, or like medical advice or stuff like that, send me something man.

 

Keiran:

Yeah, you can ask Gabriel who spent the last weekend kissing boys at a bar.

 

Gabriel:

I know a lot about that.

 

Keiran:

All right, man. Thanks for going on the podcast and we'll catch you guys on the next episode of Uncensored English.

 

Oct 30, 2016

Today's podcast is delayed until tomorrow, it's ready I just ran out of bandwith to upload it! Check back tomorrow to listen to Gabriel talk about his stupid drunken Halloween adventure.

Oct 29, 2016

In this episodes podcast we talk about the express "to knock one back", Halloween, my incredibly shitty Thursday and lastly language partners.

Oct 27, 2016

Are you a chicken or do you eat chicken, hopefully it's the latter, or maybe neither if you're a vegetarian/ vegan. Today we talk about chickening out and some similar expressions.

 

*** Transcript***

 

Keiran: Hey, there how is it going guys. Today is Tuesday October the 25th and one of my students just bailed on me. And so I'm gonna record this podcast right now for tomorrow. Hope you're doing well, I'm doing pretty well and today I wanted to talk about chickening out or being a chicken. And a few other words we used to talk about when someone doesn't have the courage to do something which is what we call chickening out. But before I get into that I just want to leave a few thoughts for you to consider. I know some of you guys out there have been using the transcripts for the podcasts, you find it useful to be able to read what I am saying or what any other guests are saying, while we're doing the podcast.

 

And I started to get a company to write them for me in September and when we did the first one I read it and it was very well done. However just yesterday I checked the transcript they provided for Monday's podcast and it was fuckin' awful. There was even one point in the transcript where what I had said was -- had been marked down as David Peachy saying and David Peachy was saying what I had said. And there's tons of words missing and I spent about 45 minutes correcting it. So if you guys are ever reading these transcripts and you see a lot of mistakes, please, please, please let me know because I get this done for you and if they're doing a poor job at it, I have to go after them.

 

And they're either gonna shape up or I'm gonna find someone else to do it because this is an English language podcast they can't have tons of mistakes everywhere, right? Alright so that's it about that. Another thing I want to just mention before we get on with chickening out and wussing out and wimping out which we'll get to very shortly is we got podcast number 100 coming up on Saturday. So if you haven't voted on what you want me to do, I would do it quickly. I suggested either I'd drunk dial some of the podcast listeners which means you're gonna have to give me your numbers or I will prank call some of the old podcast guests or lastly I'm gonna call up switchboard operators which are the people who connect you to people of importance inside some major Fortune 500 companies.

 

So let me know what you wanna do inside the private Facebook group and we will do that and let's get on with the show. So in life we always find ourselves in -- I guess you can say sometimes you stagnate. You feel you're not growing anymore and at the back of your head  usually you know what you need to do to move forward. Usually, not always. And a lot of the times what you need to do to move forward is something that is quite uncomfortable. Maybe you have to try to get a foreign client for the first time; maybe you have to present in a foreign language; maybe you have to apply to a new job but you don't do it. You chicken out. You sit there and you wait and you wait and you wait and by chickening out, we mean you lack courage in that moment.

 

I think everyone has had this experience sometime in their life. I remember the first time that I chickened out was - we used to go to the water slides when we were younger. We would go to the pool that we belonged to and it was all the older kids and we would go with the lifeguards which was so much fun because we kind of looked up to them and they were -- they're like our role models or our friends/teachers at the same time. And at the water slides we always went to there's this huge water slide, which was just a very steep slide, it went almost straight down. And this was kind of like the cool kid water slide, you know like the one you bragged about going on because it was so scary. And I remember the first three times we went there, I went with my friends and then you walked up this huge tower, all these stairs as we get to the top.

 

And then I just stood there, and I just saw people going down and I completely chickened out. There's no way I was gonna do that. It was way too scary for me, right? Now chickening out is a general word, you can use it for anyone and the other word we often hear is wussing out, wussing out. That comes from the word or the noun wuss. And a wuss is kind of like a mean word we use to describe a man or a boy who has no courage. So that's a bit of a gendered word. It's oriented more towards men. So in that scenario, I could say I wussed out. I could say, I wasn't as masculine as I could have been in that moment. And then the other one we also use is wimp out. Actually no, sorry not wimp out. Pussy out. He pussied out of it.

 

This one is a very sensitive word too and you might get in trouble for using it in North America at the moment because, I mean pussy has a lot of different meanings associated with it. One of them is a pussy cat, a small kitten. Second one could be, it's a vulgar word for the word, vagina. So when you say pussy out of something, it means we're kind of mocking women in a sense. We're saying, oh women are not strong and you're acting like a woman, so you pussied out. So we don't really use this one that often unless you're with a group of guys and they're making fun of each other. So I would go with chicken out if you ever wanna use a different way of saying I'm scared of doing something. You say, "I chickened out of it".

 

So what have you chickened out of, think of that. Maybe you can even put it in the comments below. And maybe you don't want to but hey why not, it's fun too have little courage and you know be open and be honest, make yourself vulnerable, that's always an uncomfortable thing to do but at the end of the day if you respect yourself, isn't that all that matters? So I'm curious what did you ever chicken out of. Actually I haven't really chickened out of very much recently. The last year I think I've done all the things I wanted to do. I started a podcast. I started my own comedy show. I'm building the website and I'm gonna be continuing to do that. 

 

I have a few audio books or programs that I'm actually in the beginning stages of making which I think are gonna be exciting to any language learner out there who is sick of all the routine stuff that they're constantly being tried to baaah! my language is falling apart. You know you're sick of all the normal language learning products out there. I think mine is gonna be more fun because I'm more fun than them, they're boring. They're very boring so why would you wanna buy a boring product, right? I'm not gonna talk about that anymore. 

 

So guys that's about it for today. We talked about chickening out, wussing out, pussying out of something. And I want you guys to think about that for a moment. What have you ever chickened out of, what have you've ever wussed out of, or what have you ever pussied out of? And let us know, you know. Participate, grow your language, listen to this a few times, make sure you understand the podcast fully. Take notes if there's any other expressions in there that you liked. And we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of UnCensored English. 

 

 

 

Oct 24, 2016

By request of a listener this podcast is about nothing at all.... that's right David Peachey and I shoot the shit about whatever pops into our minds. 

***Transcript***

Keiran: All right, what’s up everybody, today on the Podcast we have David Peachey back on here. How it’s going David?

 

David: I am back, yes good to be back here Keiran. How things going over there?

 

Keiran: Pretty good, I have started doing French lessons on Italki.

 

David: Really, so what is the kind of level of the French would be there?

 

Keiran: I would say probably an intermediate, may be a low intermediate level. I can hold the conversation but there is a lot of words that escape me. If I am listening to radio or a Podcast, I really have to struggle and listen and focus, re-listen and re-listen. Yeah, so I'd say intermediate. What about you, have you spend any time learning languages recently?

 

David: Uhhh, yes I have, I just been learning some Russian songs. From my time in Russia, I've kept one of my teachers and I am learning Russian songs with her, which is quite interesting. Its from an old Russian movies.

 

Keiran: Oh cool! That is very interesting. How long you have been doing Russian for, how long you have been learning that?

 

David: Good question. I guess I have been learning for about two years now, close to two years. I started off with the basic phrases, basic dialogues. I used a couple of very very helpful Russian teachers. They are wonderful. And One of them offered Russian through songs. So I thought, I will pick this up and we're working on classic songs from movies, a couple of children songs.

 

Keiran: Okay great. I love children's songs for learning, even children's television. I think a lot of people will overlook it and it is generally the language structure in children...Anything for children is very simple and there is a lot of repetition and it is an easy and fun way to learn.

 

David: Yeah, I find  listening to children like native speakers, they are quite easy to follow.

 

Keiran: Yeah for sure, right. I am curious, so you have been doing Russian for two years. How it is going like, what do you think is your level right now?

 

David:Uh I think my level is probably still pre-intermediate. The reasoning behind doing the songs is, not so much for vocabulary or grammar but to focus on pronunciation. Which I have been tormenting me for a long time because I was trying to pronounce every syllable and Russian tends to neutralize vowels as well.

 

Keiran: Okay, so you are singing and recording yourself?

 

David: Yes, actually just tonight I've come back from a open mic nights. And they uh, the organizers requested one of the Russian songs which I have sung a couple of times before.

 

Keiran: That is awesome, how did it go?

 

David: Yeah, they love it. It um it's  a poker style songs. Even though they don’t understand the words...I'll introduce it in Russia and I'll say Bolshoe Spasibo at the end. But the organizer just this evening said, "I love that song, it makes me want to pick up a bottle of Vodka."

 

Keiran: [laughing] That's funny. It is really interesting now, I was doing on Quebec for greater part of my life. Quebec is weird in that language, there is a lot of tension with language because English people have to learn French. And whenever something is forced on you, you obviously don’t enjoy it.

 

David: Yeah, you rebel a bit, yup.

 

Keiran: Right. And I always had issues with France. Like I'd always resented French class. I'm was like, "No, not French, I hate French." And was this thing that cause me pain. I was always poor in it. And then it's weird that, once I actively made this choice of start learning French, because I wanted to. I want perform in comedy in the upcoming summer in the French comedy scene.

 

David: Oh nice, great.

 

Keiran: But since I started doing it, like these interactions which used to be kind of painful for me. Like going to the store to buy something and the clerk is French. Is now the most pleasant experience and like I really feel in the moment. It is crazy how just embracing a language can. I don’t know, it seems to brighten up my day in ways that never happened before, you know.

 

David: Right and it's just like to you now is just a simple interaction, you breeze through it.

 

Keiran: Well its not simple.

 

David: Ok


Keiran: Like f
or example, l lost my wallet about two weeks ago, which is the biggest piss off, to lose your wallet you know.

 

David: Oh I can imagine, yeah.

 

Keiran: You get all your IDs in there and then you got ran around area and replace them all. But one think I had was a point's card for the alcohol store I go to. 


David: Okay.


Kerian: So after I lost the wallet, I went back to that store and I had to tell them about this so I can get a new points card. And I did it in French and it was really fun. But then I got to a point in the interaction where I didn’t know what the wallet was. 


David: Oh okay.


Kerian: So I'm like [foreign words] And I asked her, "Like what is this?" And she like, [foreign words] Which is literally, holding paper.

 

David: Like portfolio in English or….?

 

Kerian: Right, exactly. So itt's just like...its weird how the whole world can become like a lesson if you have the right mentality. And I had the wrong mentality for 32 years, because I never wanted to learn French before. Now its just everything positive. It is weird.

 

David: Yeah, definitely making the active decision is a big step forward, right?


Keiran: Yeah. How about you, do you get opportunities, is there any area in Brisbane where you can go and meet Russian people and practice your Russian and try to spark up a conversation?


David: Uh funny you should ask. Yeah we do have a few communities here in Brisbane. A few weeks ago we had the Ukrainian festival. 


Keiran: Okay, cool.


David: Uh, Ukrainians would of course speak Ukrainian but there is a fair amount of Russian speakers and out of that festival and it was a small affair. But they served Ukrainian beer and they served Ukrainian food. And they had Ukrainian pop singer who is now living in Brisbane. But I could have a few conversation in Russian which was quite pleasant and Ukrainians were really quite surprised. Pleasantly surprised to hear me mangle their language.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David: Or may be mangle Russia’s language. Maybe is that. 


Keiran: But is amazing how people really appreciate when you attempt to use their language and I think...Unfortunately the only language which probably don’t do this is English because everyone...Like it's a universal language I think, but do you know what I mean by that?

 

David: Yeah, it is expected that if you don’t speak, someone doesn’t speak your first language or he must know a little bit of English.


Keiran: Right. Well I mean like when I was in Korea for example, this never really happened to me but I always remember other English teachers complaining about it. But when you are out in the city people would come up to you and try to talk to you because they want to practice their English.

 

David: Oh yes, that happens a few times as well.

 

Keiran: The English teachers will after while would get fed up about this. But if I go up to a person in Quebec and attempt to speak French with them. Like generally they are super happy about it. They're saying, "Oh! this person is making an effort to learn the language."

 

David: Um-hmm definitely, that is so important.

 

Keiran: Right but in English, people are just like, "No, no, I am not your teacher. Like you go watch TV or you get a book."

 

David: Yeah, go to YouTube or something. That's a bit unfortunate, isn’t it?


Keiran: Yeah, I think it is, but I mean I still recommend to my students. If you are walking around and your part of town and you see a English person. I am just like you just try. Worst they can say is like, "I am not interested or leave me alone."

 

David: Yeah, you don’t need to have an extended conversation about Shakespeare or anything. It can just be a little bit of banter, little bit of small talk, how is the weather, how is the day going. I mean that is really what we have as native speakers. Little bit of chats, that is it.

 

Keiran: Yeah, a just a little small talk, right?

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: David, recently it was my birthday and I'm curious, what is...

 

David: Happy Birthday.

 

Keiran: Thank you. Thank you What are the birthday traditions that you guys do in your family or in Australia the common ones?

 

David: Birthday traditions. This is a good question. It's not so much focused on the day... We would well in my family we would at least arrange some kind of family lunch or family dinner. And it is just a chance to catch up for everyone. Because I and my brothers, the three of us are grown up, and we've all left home. So it's always nice to catch up with parents again.

 

Keiran: Okay. This is like, you guys do this for every birthday or like all your brothers birthdays, your mom’s birthday, your father’s birthday, you always have a family dinner.

 

David: Yeah, we would arrange it and probably not even on the day. Just around the weekend or even within two weeks of it happening. We wouldn’t even really bother with presents, I think.

 

Keiran: Oh, that's great. I wish my family did that, I hate presents.

 

David: Yeah, that is an obligation, isn’t there?

 

Keiran: Yeah, exactly. It is like oh, last week it was my birthday and actually I have succeeded. It is taking a me several years of arguing with my family. I got no presents this, I got two presents and I am just like, "Yes, now don’t have to buy them presents." [laughing]

 

David: So the obligation in return, they bought you a present and you have to buy them a present in return. Yeah I see, I see.

 

Keiran: I mean there's that aspect of, you get a present but you have to buy presents for like 12 other birthdays during the year. Then there is other aspect of, I just don’t really need anything physical anymore you know. I have…Maybe I am not a materialistic person but I have I think, what I need and I don’t want people to be like, "Here now you have this."

 

David: Something extra and you think, "Well, thank you but what do I do with it?"

 

Keiran: Yeah, exactly right. Its kind of like a burden that you get on your birthday.

 

David: Have you ever re-gifted something? 


Keiran: Re-gifted. Have I re-gifted someone, that's a good question.


David: Given the present to somebody else and say,"Hey, look at what I have got for you?"

 

Keiran: I don’t think I have re-gifted anything to be honest. Have you re-gifted anything?

 

David: I am just trying to think about it. Um what was it? There was something I gave as a gift recently and...tt escapes my mind but I recall it being a present from a year or two years ago I just never used it. So I think I wrapped up again and...because it was in perfect condition. Never used it. I gave it to someone else as a gift. I think it was friend and it wasn’t someone in my family.

 

Keiran: No, I don’t think I have re-gifted some thing. But you know what we do...This weird thing we do in my families, that we always keep the gift bags.


David: Oh yeah.


Keiran: From my Christmas and birthdays, and whatever. Then every once in a while like, a year later. It's this comical thing where you give someone a gift but it's in the same bag they used to give you the gift. Then sometimes you still have like the little name tag on it. 


David: Oops.


Keiran: Yeah it's like oops. I guess that's...It's recycling, it's good. It just looks bad if you give it to someone who is outside of your family. [laughing]

 

David: It is good to save the wrapping paper and the gift bags because it makes look like, you have tried to make an effort even though you have just saved paper and recycled it .

 

Keiran: Right. You know I just realized about birthdays is that...You said you guys have a family dinner. 


David: Yeah.


Keiran: We have the family dinner too but I've hated the family dinner because in my family, the family dinner, it's like a tradition that we did it every night, growing up. Every night we have a family dinner, the whole family sits together. And then when we all moved out, it was kind of nice because you haven’t seen each other for a while, right? But now I'm living in Montreal again, they're common...The family dinner to me is not only about family, as it is about my mom getting to be with her kids and bombard with questions. 


David: Oh yeah.


Keiran: And I am like ah! Even on my birthday she is like, "When are we going to have your birthday?" And I'm like, "Well it is my birthday, so I don’t really want to do that." Then my dad gets mad. He's like, "Keiran, make your mother happy." I am like,"No." [laughing] "It is my birthday. I know what this is." This is just her going to be like, "Do you like your presents, do you like your dinner?” I am just like, "Ah! No I don’t like this, leave me. Let me get out of this terrible family dinner."

 

David: Whose birthday say it again, yeah?

 

Keiran: Have you ever had like a painful family dinner? Did you ever have the ones? Like they felt forced or was it more enjoyable?

 

David: I am guessing probably when I was much younger and we'ed all just left home. And this is where we really wanted to have independence and we wanted to indulge in it. Yeah, I guess the family dinners back then felt to be more forced. I definitely recall we were very slack about being ready or coming to the right place at the right house, or coming to the right restaurant from time. We would typically turn up late. Which is a habit I've since stopped.

 

Keiran: ok

David: At the moment, time has passed and I think we are bit more comfortable and we can take these families dinners in our strides. So we are little more relaxed about them.

 

Keiran: That is great, it's great that your family has adapted with times, unlike my family, or at least my mom. Well David, thanks for coming on here. This is been a very a loose Podcast we did for you guys, we didn’t really chose the topic or not here.


David: No thanks.


Keiran: We just planned to have some small talk. Thanks again for helping us out with the Podcast David.

 

David: Okay, thanks again for having me Keiran. I am looking forward to the next time.

 

Keiran: All right, Great. We will catch you guys on the next Podcast of Unnnnnnncensored English.

 

Oct 21, 2016

You are so smart for reading this comment, you're such a clever cat, you can do anything you want... no really.. you could probably even butter people up.

 

Oct 19, 2016

Bugger! Clacker! Struick! Don't know what those mean? Better listen!

 

***Transcript*** 

Keiran: Alright. Today, we have David Peachey back on the podcast. How's it going, David?

 

David: Hurrah! It's going pretty well over here down here. Yup.

 

Keiran: And what’s new with you lately?

 

David: A few things. In general, I’m planning a holiday that’s coming up soon. Just giving myself a break and apart from that, yeah, I’m going through the motions of the teaching and a bit of socializing, a bit of music. It’s really quite nice.

 

Keiran: Ah , cool. So, where’s the holiday you’re planning. Where are you going to go?

 

David: Okay. I’m off to Hong Kong simply out of curiosity. I’ve never been there before. I don’t consider myself a big city person, but yeah, I’ll try it out anyway to see what it looks like.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David: Scoot around.

 

Keiran: That’s exciting and when are you heading out there?

 

David: Next month, so, yeah, mid-November. So, basically, my plan is go to Hong Kong, zip across to Macau because apparently it’s close. They’ve got the Grand Prix on around mid-November, so…

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: Prices for hotels and even hostels have just sky rocketed into the hundreds literally.

 

Keiran: Yeah. It’s a good to juice everyone when that’s happening.

 

David: Yeah. So, and yeah, then I’ll catch a couple of friends down in Malaysia and then checkout Myanmar, the old Burma.

 

Keiran: Alright. Cool man. Well, I hope that trip goes well.

 

David: Yeah. Looking forward to it. Yeah.

 

Keiran: So, David, today on the podcast, you’re going to be teaching us about some local slang. I’m only familiar with one of the words that you…

 

David: Yes.

 

Keiran: Propose to talk to about today. So, let’s just get started. What…

 

David: Yup. Let’s get into these words.

 

Keiran: What do you have ready for us today?

 

David: Okay. The first word would be the one you’re most familiar with which is…

 

Keiran: Bugger.

 

David: Bugga.

 

Keiran: Bugga.

 

David: Yeah. Bugga and we drop the R at the end like good Australians.

 

Keiran: Yeah. The lazy pronunciation. Bugga.

 

David: Yeah. And it’s a lovely exclamation and we use it all the time to surprise, frustration. You can say, “Bugga me” if you’re very surprised.

 

Keiran: Sorry. Can you explain it a little more, like let’s say I say I bought – like I say, “David, come outside. I have something for you and then you go outside and there’s a brand new car.” Are you going to say, “Oh, bugga me! A new car!”

 

David: I would. Yeah. “Bugger me! A new car!”

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: It’s funny.

 

David: Yeah. I think bugger by itself, it’s maybe a bit more like frustration or annoyance or I didn’t expect this to happen, “Oh! Bugger!”

 

Keiran: Right. You what I think we’ve occasionally heard this – I’ve occasionally heard this word and it was always from an older person in Canada It’s like maybe like my grandma and she would always say, “Oh, you little bugger! Get out of the cookies. Those are for after dinner.”

 

David: That’s the interesting thing because it’s quite a strong word in the UK, so you wouldn’t readily use it or use it as freely as we would.

 

Keiran: Maybe my grandma has a foul mouth.

 

[laughter]

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: I don’t know.

 

David: Possibly or maybe the meaning’s changed that’s why I find this word interesting. So, little bit of history is that bugger means sodomy. Bugger means anal sex.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: That’s the – that’s why it’s such a strong word in British English.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David: History of that, it comes from and this is going to sound a bit racist, it comes from Bulgarian.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: And apparently, there was some war or bad blood, so…

 

Keiran: And then they’ve…

 

David: Bulgarian, bulgar, became bugger.

 

Keiran: Oh! That’s interesting.

 

David: Yeah. So, that’s the interesting thing.

 

Keiran: I thought you’re going to say that they buggered them after they won the war, like…

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: I forget we’re…

 

David: I had to [inaudible] that much.

 

Keiran: No, but I remember, I remember maybe I’m completely wrong on this, but it was kind of like a form of humiliating the opponents after you win a war, you – anyways, this is getting very graphic.

 

[laughter]

 

David: Yeah. I do. I’m not very good at modern history, so I don’t know.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: I pondered on why it’s much softer outside of the UK and maybe it’s not because we’re desensitized to it or we’re in denial of its history, but there’s an extra theory that’s says bugger comes from a corruption of Irish Gaelic speaking saying, by-god, which would be “begorr” …

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: Which is where we get our stereotypical begorrah from, which no Irish person ever says.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David: So, it could be a version of “by-gorr” or a combination of the two. So, that’s just a little theory. Maybe that’s why it’s just a casual word here. It’s actually not vulgar at all to us.

 

Keiran: Right. And I don’t remember it being vulgar when I was in Australia when I heard it. I was – it just seemed to be dropped around quite carefree with a…

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: You wouldn’t think about it much.

 

David: Yeah. I do wonder if that’s, yeah, a combination of two different histories taken to the Australian bugger.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David: Just my history [phonetic].

 

Keiran: Alright. Let’s go onto the next one. What’s the next word you have for us?

 

David: Okay. Going on from bugger, we have the word “clacker” and this is one of my favorite Australian slang words, and it’s connected to bugger because clacker is the anatomical anus.

 

Keiran: The anatomical anus.

 

David: Anus. Yeah. So, it can’t really correlate with asshole because you can’t use clacker to describe a person.

 

Keiran: So, you’re saying you’re not someone’s an asshole, you’re saying – you’re just talking about the anatomical part of the body?

 

David: Yes. So, “A pain in the clacker.” Yeah. “What’s up with your clacker?”

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: This is funny. It is a funny – it’s a funny way to say.

 

David: It’s beautiful word.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David: Yeah, “You’re clacker!” “Kick up the clacker!”

 

Keiran: Now, is it…

 

David: “You need to kick up the clacker!”

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: Is this is a regional, like, is this is a regional slang in Australia? Is it for like people around Brisbane because I don’t recall hearing this one when I was Wagga. Maybe Wagga wasn’t clacker region.

 

David: It is definitely east coast.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: It’s in a couple of Australian comedies, but yeah, if you – the main point is it is in the anatomical sense of the…

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David: So, it doesn’t really in a figurative sense. Now, my little online research tells me it comes from that which clacks. This makes no sense. We don’t say clack. We mean fart.

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: Well, I mean, I guess maybe it could…

 

David: Logical.

 

[chuckling]

 

Keiran: I guess it depends how you hear it. Like my wife always gets angry when in Canada, we say dogs bark, and she says, “No, they don’t. They go, haw, haw, haw, haw, haw!” And I’m just like, “Okay. Well, maybe that’s Mongolia dogs.”

 

[laughter]

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: Like I don’t here dogs go haw, haw, haw, haw, haw!

 

David: Oh! Haw! Haw! Yeah, that’s sounds pretty common about, yeah, also in Turkish they say haw. Yup. Yeah. So, clacker is – my theory is it actually comes from the Latin word “cloaca” which – you use cloaca to describe – if you’re talking about birds and fish because they don’t have like anything remotely like human genitalia. They just have one hole.

 

Keiran: Right. Yeah.

 

David: Which is the kind of excretion/reproduction…

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David: Do everything and that’s called the cloaca, so I wonder if that’s been corrupted into the Australian clacker.

 

Keiran: Maybe. That would make sense.

 

David: Maybe.

 

Keiran: One of my other podcasts, so he’s a bird fanatic and he likes to talk about birds do everything through that one hole, so.

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: The words are similar. That could be an easy jump, right?

 

David: Yeah. I think that’s a much easy jump that trying to describe farting as clacking. We just don’t that.

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: Okay. Alright. So, clacker means the anatomical anus.

 

David: Yes.

 

Keiran: It’s interesting. Okay. “So, I got a pain in the clacker.”

 

David: Yup. Or someone needs a “kick up the clacker” or…

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: Okay. That’s a god one. Alright. What’s the next one you have for us, David?

 

David: Okay. Word number three. This is a pretty outdated word. If you use this in Australia, people will think you stepped out of 1940 or 1950. It is “struth.”

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: Which is an expression of surprise. Now, it’s other than S-T-R-U-T-H or S-T-R-E-W-T-H and it comes from 18th century English which is like a contraction of God’s truth.

 

Keiran: What do you mean God’s truth?

 

David: God’s truth. So, it’s like a religious oath. It’s a swearing by God’s truth.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

David: So, you say, “Oh! Struth!” Of course that meaning, that connection is lost in time. Yeah, I found it quite interesting because this goes all the way back to Shakespeare. He had, not sure if he spones, which was God’s bones in Hamlet. Hamlet definitely says splood, God’s blood.

 

Keiran: So, it’s like an abbreviation for God and another word, struth, God’s truth.

 

David: Yup.

 

Keiran: It’s interesting.

 

David: God’s truth, yeah, corrupt or contract into struth.

 

Keiran: So, I guess if you’re in Australia in the near future and you’re going to the retirement home and you find some really old people, you could maybe throw this word around to get in.

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: To get in with the gang of old people. Struth.

 

David: Yeah. It’s very – yeah, everyone knows it but it’s a very outdated word.

 

Keiran: Okay. Cool. Alright. And you have I think one more for us, right?

 

David: Yes. This is a really interesting one for a long time. I didn’t realize this was a purely Australian word and it’s – I don’t even count it as slang because it’s just a standard word to us, and the word is “spruik” which is spelled S-P-R-U-I-K.

 

Keiran: Spruik.

 

David: Spruik.

 

Keiran: So, how did you discover this was an Australian word or an Australian slang. I mean how did you discover it is an Australian word.

 

David: A bit of online research and because I think it’s an unusual word and…

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David: Just by the spelling, the U-I-K spelling it’s really considered strange for an English word accounting of many English words that have a U-I-K spelling, spruik.

 

Keiran: Yeah. It’s not a U-I-K. Yeah, even – the only – I can’t, spruik. The only thing I – the only word I can think of that same word is Buick but that’s not even a – that’s a brand of car.

 

David: Me too.

 

Keiran: So, it’s not the same. Right. That’s interesting.

 

David: Yeah. So, but this was a standard word. Basically, to spruik is to promote something. So, you would be spruiking a product, spruiking an event. Sometimes outside the front of a shop, there might be like an actor looking for work and they’d have like a microphone and amplifier and they’d be giving a promotional spiel and that is spruiking.

 

Keiran: Spruiking. Yeah.

 

David: A person’s called a spruiker.

 

Keiran: So, again, I spruik my show at the end of this podcast.

 

David: Exactly. Exactly. And that sounds completely natural. So, I don’t even count it as a kind of slang but origin. No idea.

 

Keiran: Yeah. That’s why it’s going be, I mean, that’s really interesting. It has to be somewhere from Australia obviously because we, like this is – I’ve never heard this word. I’ve never – and you’re right, if I saw this word, I would be like that’s not a word. This is misspelled. No, I’ve never seen a world spelled like that, right?

 

David: Yeah. The closest – just like guess I could make just looking at it now, it might, I mean, this is purely my idea, so there’s no research behind this. Maybe it’s from the Dutch “spreek” which would be to speak. That would be S-P-R-E-E-K, spreek.

 

Keiran: Okay. Spruik.

 

David: Yeah. Now, we have spruik. So, yeah, it’s a mysterious word which is quite a normal word to us.

 

Keiran: Yeah. That’s interesting. You could use that to screw some foreign English people from other countries.

 

David: Oh, yeah.

 

Keiran: “Hey, let’s going spruiking later today.” Like, “What?” “Yeah. Come one. We’ll tell you about it later.”

 

[laughter]

 

David: It’ll be fun.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

David: Grab this microphone.

 

[laughter]

 

Keiran: Alright. Well, David, thank you for sharing those interesting slangs, Australian slangs with us. Let’s review them really quickly before we end the podcast.

 

David: Yeah. Sure.

 

Keiran: So, the first one we had was “bugger.”

 

David: Bugga.

 

Keiran: Sorry, I got it…

 

David: Bugga. Yeah. So, remember to drop that R. You end that final R if you’re using the Australian English.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

David: Bugger maybe a combination of English bugger meaning sodomy or the Gaelic by-god, but who knows. Mystery.

 

Keiran: Right. And then we have the next one also with an E-R, which is clacker, or in Australia it would be clacker.

 

David: Clacker. You said it very well. Maybe from the Latin “cloaca”, but yeah, that’s probably, that’s the most logical connection I could imagine, but clacker, the anatomical anus.

 

Keiran: Yeah. Anatomical anus. Beautiful.

 

David: Yeah.

 

Keiran: And then, the next one we have is “struth” meaning God’s truth, right?

 

David: Exactly.

 

Keiran: It’s an old-fashioned word.

 

David: Yeah. Just to show you’re surprised. “Oh! Struth!” “Struth, mate!”

 

Keiran: Struth. And the last one…

 

David: “Struth! Bugger me!”

 

Keiran: was the Australian, what’s word I’m looking for, oh, crap! It’s the word that only exists inside of Australia, the English word…

 

David: Endemic?

 

Keiran: Yeah. There you go. Endemic. It’s endemic to Australia. Right. Spruik.

 

David: Spruik. Yeah. Spruiking and spruiker if you want to promote something.

 

Keiran: Great. So, guys, we’re going to end this podcast by spruiking myself. If you’ve liked this podcast, if David and I have well, maybe David, today has helped you learned some interesting English, then subscribe to us on iTunes. Rate it. Review it. And we’ll catch you very soon on the next podcast of Uncensored English. That’s my spruiking.

Oct 17, 2016

Ah yes, those sweet sweet dangerous topics. Today Edward and I stage a debate about the Taiji Dolphin Hunt. Come listen!

 

*** Transcript***

Keiran: What's up Edward? Good to have you back on the podcast. How is it going?

 

Edward: Things are going well. How are you doing Keiran?

 

Keiran: I'm pretty good you know teaching, podcasting, having a crappy birthday parties.

 

Edward: Okay, well, two out of three ain't bad.

 

Keiran: Yeah. So I hadn't spoken to you in a while. What's new with you?

 

Edward: I've been pretty busy teaching, editing, doing some different stuff back in Toronto now and was in Montreal for thanksgiving.

 

Keiran: Did you have any crappy birthday parties?

 

Edward: Not yet but maybe in another eight to ten months.

 

Keiran: Okay. Oh, he's hoping.

 

Edward: Yeah.

 

Keiran: Okay. So, today on the podcast we're going to do something a little bit fun here that we have never tried before. We're going to have a... a fake debate and... By fake debate, Edward and I are going to present a debate topic and we're going to take stances which may or may not be the way we really feel on the topic. And then, we're going to just have a little bit of a debate between ourselves. But before we start the debate, I'm going to just fill you in a bit about this topic. It is quite controversial so, I hope you don't find it upsetting but this is Uncensored English podcast and these are the kind of things that we can do.

 

Edward: We are here to upset you.

 

Keiran: Yes, we're here to upset you and help you learn. Okay, so we're going to be debating The Taiji Dolphin Hunt which happens in a fishing village in Japan. And I'm going to read a little bit of an article it's form Wikipedia, and might not be completely accurate but just to fill you in, okay? 


So, The Taiji Dolphin Hunt is a dolphin drive hunt that that takes place in Taiji, Wakayama in Japan every year from September to March. According to the Japanese Fishery Research Agency, a thousand six hundred and twenty three dolphins were caught in Wakayama prefecture in 2007 for human consumption or resell to the dolphinariums and most of these were caught at Taiji. The annual dolphin hunt provides income for local residents and has received international criticism for both the cruelty of the dolphin killing and the high mercury level of the dolphin meat. 


Okay, so that's as much as we're going to give the listeners. Now, we're just going to have a debate. So, Edward what's your feeling' on this topic? Are you for this historical... its kind a… of a cultural activity in Japan or are you against it?

 

Edward: In this case, I am going to say that I'm against it. And you know as far as traditional killing goes, I guess I'm traditionally opposed to a traditional killing but especially recently, I've been reading about dolphins just unrelated to this fake debate but I've been reading about dolphins and just about how intelligent they are and really how amazing they are and it does seem pretty horrible to think about killing them in any fashion. So, that's kind of what is influencing' my feelings on that matter.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

Edward: And especially they want to think about... what I've been reading about it's in terms like dolphins language abilities and you know like millions of years ago, actually dolphins were smarter than our ancestors. So, just form... I don't know ow many million years ago. Let's say 10 million years ago, dolphins actually had the potential to be smarter than we are today. Just things kind of took different directions and our ancestors ended up becoming humans and dolphins ended up being dolphins.

 

Keiran: Wow...

 

Edward: To me...

 

Keiran: I guess they should have got smarter faster because now there are food.

 

Edward: Yeah, but I mean... but do we really need to eat dolphins? It's like the… you know what I normally hear about the cases of humans eating dolphins, it’s by mistake. It's when they're tuna fishing and dolphins are always around tuna, so they end up getting kind of caught in the nets and then they're ground down into whatever becomes canned tuna.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

Edward: You know. So, it's like if 99% of the time, we are purposely avoiding dolphins in our consumption then why can't we just make it 100% at the time?

 

Keiran: Well, I mean, basically the argument is dolphins are highly intelligent animals therefore, we should not eat them. I mean, my argument is going to be that, an animal is an animal is an animal. If you're eating animals then who are you to tell other people which animals they can eat? And there are other animals that are consumed on a regular basis which are also highly intelligent animals such as pigs. So, if we're going to go around eating pigs, then why do we get to tell other people not to practice their cultural tradition which provides food for a lot of people you know, I mean that's everything about being dolphins. It's a big animal, right? And...

 

Edward: Yeah.

 

Keiran: And that's going to provide food for lots of people. I don't...

 

Edward: Can I...

 

Keiran: I don't know if an eating the dolphin is worse than eating a pig or if it's worse than eating a cow, to me. I don't know. Yeah, your purpose is to eat the animal and to keep living, not to be aware like I don't... what does intelligence have to do with anything? It's just survival.

 

Edward: I'll tell you what it has to do with it. And I'm going to go to an example that I don't even really like but Keiran, I know you have a dog. And how do you feel about people eating dogs?

 

Keiran: Well, mine, I don't actually like that dog very much to be honest.

 

Edward: Okay, well then I'm going to pull on your heart strings and I'm going to say that you had a dog before this dog.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

Edward: And how would you feel about people eating that dog?

 

Keiran: Yeah, I mean you can grow emotionally attached to anything but if came to the worst case scenario and I was starving and all I have with my old dog then I guess I would have to eat it.

 

 Edward: Okay, so are we saying that this traditional hunt is because these people are starving?

 

Keiran: No, I mean it's not... that's a good question. I don't think I [inaudible] it enough about that city and maybe the wealth of that city and whether this is just the best way for them to eat. But It's... but then if that's why we're not going to let them hunt those animals, than I guess we got to stop eating pigs or cows because cows are very soft, gentle, sensitive animals, right?

 

Edward: Yeah, you know what...

 

Keiran: Your argument is that dolphins are intelligent but cows are not creating problems out there.

 

Edward: Honestly, I don't really argue too much against that point because I think probably in another hundred years, we will be eating fewer and fewer animals. Just in terms of like you know we always talked about the water and the energy that goes into getting one cow.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

Edward: For our consumption right? So, probably you are right that if we don't eat dolphins, we should not also eat cows or pigs.

 

Keiran: Right.

 

Edward: But for the time being, people didn’t feel the same way about cows and pigs as they do about dogs and dolphins. So, I am going to argue that dolphins are actually smarter than dogs and those humans can have a better relationship with the dolphin than a dog if they had you know the opportunity to do it like we do with domesticated animals like cats and dogs. So, if people are so outraged with the idea of eating dogs, which some country still do, and I will say right now that I have eaten dog. But I can also say that... no because I 'm also going to say that I won't do it again and that I'll never eat a dolphin. And this is a fake debate.

 

Keiran: Well, it is a fake debate but I don't like the arguments so...

 

Edward: I'm trying to come at it from as many different angles as possible. This is why probably people prepare for debates.

 

Keiran: Well, I mean it's... to me I think the main reason people are against eating dolphins is just because of their intelligence and I think that's the argument that you decide to take and it's a strange thing because when you're eating something, you've already decided to not respect it and I just... I see a problem put in one animal in front of another animal like what... who's to decide that intelligence is a factor that forces us to respect an animal? Why it has a high IQ makes something more, more valuable to... not humanity but to the universe? You know like human being s are supposed to be the most intelligent animals on the planet but we're probably the most destructive. So, maybe we should just start eating each other and leave the dolphins alone.

 

Edward: Okay, see that's a very interesting point to take. I don't know how many people will agree with that but I will disagree with the idea that people don't respect animals if they eat them because if you think about someone who puts all of their energy and all of their time into raising an animal, but that a animal is going to be eaten to provide food for their family, I think they show nothing but respect for that animal like they are devoting their lives to that animal's well- being and they care for that animal up until to the point where they decide kill it, to eat it.

 

Keiran: To kill when I need it. Yeah.

 

Edward: But I think, I mean that's a crazy idea but I don't think that, that takes away any respect that they have for those animals.

 

Keiran: Well, I mean it's... that depends I mean who... if you know the person is raising the animal, fine like so my wife's family they have a farm in Mongolia and they have about 700 sheep and...

 

Edward: Yeah.

 

Keiran: I would say or honestly, that's probably the only meat I'm comfortable eating now after doing research on factory farms like the way pigs are brought up in the U.S. is deplorable. So, these are not animals that are the most of the meat are [inaudible (11:34) ] North America's not coming from animals that are being treated with respect. So...

 

Edward: Oh, I agree. I agree, yeah.

 

Keiran: And by the way, those dolphins are living in the wild. Those dolphins are probably healthier meat to eat than the pigs and the cows that we raise in North America.

 

Edward: I don't disagree with that either there. And...

 

Keiran: So, basically you're saying you would like to have some dolphin for supper tomorrow?

 

Edward: I'm saying I'm going to go hunting for a wild dog in the near future.

 

Keiran: Okay, I hope dog... well, dog is a real bony and you going to have to kill a few than to get anything.

 

Edward: Yeah.

 

Keiran: Alright, great. That was fun. That was a good fake debate.

 

Edward: Yeah, I know. I enjoy flip flopping from side to side.

 

Keiran: I mean, I...

 

 Edward: Going back and forth.

 

Keiran: I think my senses is actually real though like I don't I mean, I'm for the most part of it I am against the killing of animals for eating but I see the point of this city doing it because it's just a convenient way to go hunt and then get a lot of food, you know.

 

Edward: Right. All for...

 

Keiran: And don't think the way they do it is good but they need to eat and it's something their culture has been doing for a while.

 

Edward: Yeah. Well, for this fake debate, I was on the side of the dolphins. I think primarily because of the kind of research that I've been doing recently about just how intelligent they are, right? And we actually have in Canada a very similar issue with a traditional hunt that is very controversial and that's the seal hunt.

 

Keiran: Okay.

 

Edward: And do you know... yeah, I don't know how I feel about the seal hunt because again it's like it's a tradition that's been going on for let's say thousands of years.

 

Keiran: Yeah.

 

Edward: And it's just when people start to... attention to what is actually happening then they decided those people can't do it anymore even they'll has nothing to do with them.

 

Keiran: Yeah, it's weird.

 

Edward: It's just... It's tough to tell a group of people all that their traditions are wrong.

 

Keiran: Right, right and that's...

 

Edward:  Because they're not our traditions.

 

Keiran: That's the big issue but I'm in seals I think our ways worse than dolphins like.

 

Edward: Way worse in terms of?

 

Keiran: Seals... seals I know that seals like the father seal will like drown the baby seal and force the mother seal to give it food or something and seals rape each other and I mean, I never read the whole article about seals and the terrible things that they do but so I would have to say more up for killing seals than for killing dolphins but...

 

Edward: Okay. Well, alright.

Oct 15, 2016

Today we reveal the story telling challenge winners, I shared some adventures in improving my French fluency, talk about my crazy goals for South Korea, and lastly share with you why I think all recreational drugs should be completely legal.

Oct 12, 2016

Well some stuff happened this weekend, and now we're going to talk about it.... also we're going to talk about getting into a pickle! 

 

*** Transcript***

 

Oct 10, 2016

Canadian English, American English, Sometimes they're different, sometimes they're pretty similar. Today I show you how to sound like a Canadian.

*** Transcript ***

 

Keiran: What's going on? Today is October the 9th. It's Sunday and how are you doing? I hope you're doing well. I know I am. I'm feeling rested, I'm feeling relaxed since the weekend and I'm actually in the car again recording this podcast because well, it's pretty hard to get some quiet space in the house on a Sunday afternoon. I'm a little bit disappointed for you to be-- I didn't plan on recording this podcast today. I had a great podcast I had done with a former student of mine named Rubin and I was going to publish that tomorrow afternoon but I was listening to the audio and I know he serves a huge echo in it. So, I'm going to ask him if we can redo it because it's really interesting. We talked about he took a trip to Whales and just went out to bars and went out to social events to try to practice English instead of taking an English language school. 


But anyways, today on the podcast, we're going to talked about the one of the number one ways you can sound like a Canadian English speaker. We're going to talk about that famous two letter word the Canadians are known for saying and of course that word is "eh", E-H, “eh" and it's really simple to use and there's only two ways that is really used. So let's get this podcast starting. Let's start talking about it, okay? Actually the podcast is already been started for about almost two minutes now. 


Okay, so "eh". The first way we use “eh" is after a question. We just use it to emphasize a sentence and you stick it on after you've asked the question. For example you could say "Is it cold outside today, eh?" or "What are we going to have for dinner tonight, eh?” “Where are you going later on this week, eh?" "Are you going to watch the game tonight, eh?” That's all it is. You just stick it on the end of a question. It's very simple. "Are you going to go over the Vancouver later this year, eh?” And that's a simple way you can sound like a Canadian English speaker. 


Okay, now the second way we use "eh" has a little bit more meaning to it. We, to act it on again at the end of a sentence but this time, it's at the end of a statement and it's a kind of like you're confirming this fact with the person you’re talking to. For example, "Oh, is this some great beer, eh?” So, what I said, “This is some great beer, eh?" I'm confirming with that person that the beer is great or "Wow, what a great hockey game last night, eh?” See again I'm confirming the fact that I said with the other person by saying “eh" at the end. It's kind of like a question and your kind of like confirming it. What else can I give you for another example, "Oh, wow we finally get rid of that terrible Prime Mnister, eh?” We got rid of the terrible Prime Minister, that's the fact, that's a statement, “eh" now I'm confirming it with the person I talked to. And that's all you got to do to sound like a native English Canadians speaker. You just tuck on "eh" at the end of those sentences. 


So, I hope you guys  have found this useful and it's really easy to practice this, you can just next time you speak English with someone, just tuck on "eh" at the end of a question or at the end of a statement so, you kind of confirming that statement with the person who you're talking to. 


Alright guys, I guess this podcast is going to be a short one, just too quick little announcements. We're announcing the winners for the story telling challenge on Wednesday. I am closing down the Facebook group on Wednesday and on Wednesday I'm opening up the private Facebook group. We're going to be interacting in that one a lot more but you're going to have to join the newsletter to get into it. So, just go to uncensoredenglish.ca, sign up for the newsletter and I'm going to add you to that group on Wednesday. 


Alright guys, enjoy the rest of your day and I'll catch you next time on the next podcast of Uncensored English.


[end]

Oct 8, 2016

Oh the story telling challenge! What actually happened to those bikes? We also speak about moving towards fluency, and a streak of bad luck.

Oct 5, 2016

By request of a student I made the podcast to give you listeners out there multiple ways to say the word "going" Also we discuss a sad movie and why its ok to break rules sometimes. 

 

*** Transcript***

 

Keiran: How is it going everybody? Today, is Wednesday, October the fifth. Which means I am not teaching, but I am working doing a podcast. I'm doing my second to the last comedy show tonight and I'm helping my wife with this English assignment she has. She has to compare the play of this Rex which I talked about in Saturday's podcast on the first. And this, oh my god this emotionally wrenching film I just watched that's called "Philomena", which I have to admit I cried my eyes out like a baby during the film. That was a very sad film. I wish I'd never had watched it. But it's probably, it's probably a pretty good film. I think if you guys watch it you'll probably like it, it's tough to watch though. It's about a girl, a young woman who got pregnant and she was a nun in a convent which means she was a Catholic and she lived with a whole bunch of other women in the convent. They can't have sex, so she broke her vows, she got pregnant and then the sisters of the convent made her give away the baby when she was very young and at fifty she decide, it's not her fifty, it's like seven years and then she decides to go and try to find her son. And then in the end she ends up finding that he had died and blah blah blah, and oh my god it's sad I cried. [Chuckles] I haven't cried for a while but I cried during that movie, so. You better not be laughing at me. You cry too! I know you do stop lying. Stop saying you don't. Everybody cries. Even men, men cry. So, yes and today I wanted to talk about something, I was teaching a class on Tuesday and one of my students, she said, you know, I know I've improved in my English but I'm still not where I want to be yet and I feel like I'm always using the same words. And I've heard this a lot from many different students and it's a funny thing because I don't think an English person will ever worry about this and I don't think you in your native language will ever worry about the words you're using, yet people seem concerned that they sound overly simple. So today I'm going to give you guys a few different ways you can say that you're going somewhere, very simple ways to say this in a different way. But I mean this, this conversation I had with this student and with many other students made me realize, what are you learning the language for? You know. Is it because you want to communicate a message and connect with another person? Or is it because you want to seem intelligent? So I don't know if saying something in many different ways is actually helpful. I mean, I know you want to understand the language but maybe that's something to contemplate for everyone out there who's listening to this podcast. Why am I learning to speak this language? Right?

Okay. So sometimes in English, sometimes in English. Sometimes we're talking and we say, we are going somewhere. I'm going to go to the store and get some food. Later on I'm going to go to a party or maybe you're saying, Hey! Where did John go? He went to the the party to go get hammered. To go get drunk. To go have some fun. But you're tired of saying it in the same way all the time. So here are two different words you can use to say the same thing but in a different way. So instead of saying, "I'm going to the store", you can say, "I'm heading to the store", just like your head. Think of it as if all your decisions are made in your brain. So your brain is leading the way. "I'm heading to the store to get some booze." "I'm heading to the store to buy some ingredients before it closes, so I can cook you dinner". So if you ever want to say you're going somewhere but you're tired of saying you're going somewhere, you can now say, "I'm heading to the party at eight o'clock later tonight". Where did John go? "Oh, John is heading off to the football game. It's the last game of the season. He's heading to the football game." Okay. So that's the first word you can use instead of the verb go or going or went. He headed to the party, you can also say in the past. The second one we can use is, "off to". Where are you going? "Well, I'm off to the store." "I'm off to the store to get some ingredients." Where are you going next year? "Next year I'm off to South Korea. I'm going to go live there and I'm going to learn the language, so I can perform comedy in Korean. I'm going to be off to Korea in a few years." "I'm off to." Actually I just thought of something funny that happened this weekend that kind of a pissed me off a little. I realized as time goes by, one of the things that really pisses me off, one of my pet peeves, is people mindlessly following rules. You know, we have rules to create a society so that everything kind of works and we all can get through our days. That's why we have rules like stop sign and traffic rules and speeding limits, so everyone can kind of lives seamlessly together but sometimes the rules don't really make sense. You know. So I was at my sister's wedding on Saturday and after the wedding we were all getting into the cars. We were going to go to a restaurant for the dinner and then the party afterwards. And I go get in my car. And we were in this small parking lot and there was only one way to get in the parking lot. It was a one way road which came off of the main road, which will lead right to the parking lot. But before it entered the parking lot, the road split in two. So you could go around the left to the parking lot or you could enter the parking lot. And of course this is a one way road so you can only go towards the parking lot or around the parking lot. And we were all in our car and everyone else was in their car and then the limo that the bridal party was in was parked in front of the building and they were blocking the exit to the parking lot. So there's this big line of cars accumulating behind the limo and I didn't really want to wait. So what I started to do is I started to drive out the exit of the parking lot, which of course you're not supposed to do. It's a one way road, but you can see all the way down to the end of the road and there's no cars coming down that one way road. And so I drove out the exit and then I drove right to where it fork and I turned right in the fork of the road and then I went by the limo and I got out of the parking lot. But while I was going towards that parking lot exit. I mean entrance. Well, I'm not supposed to be going out there, my aunt was waiting in line with all the other cars and she saw me and she started waving and she'll be like, "No no no no no no! You're heading in the wrong way. You're heading in the wrong way Carrie. Don't go there." And I was just, "Oh God, and as I, everyone in the car was getting very upset because they all knew that that was a one way road. But then on the other hand it doesn't really matter that that is a one way road because there were no cars in clear sight coming down that road. So it was really pointless to acknowledge that as a one way road. Wow! I wonder if that was clear. I think it was pretty clear. You know. If you've listened to this podcast and it wasn't clear to me, let me know. I mean, clear to you, let me know. But let's summarize this real quickly. So today we talked about two different ways you can say you're going somewhere, instead of saying you're going somewhere. So we can say we are heading to the pool, instead of saying you're going to the pool or if someone says, Hey! Where is Jen going? You could say, "She's off to the pool." Alright guys. That's the end of this podcast. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful. Rate it, review it, and we'll catch you next time on the next podcast... Uncensored English.

Oct 4, 2016

Sometimes you don't appreciate things until they're gone, today on the podcast David Peachy and I reminisce about things we miss. 

 

*** Transcript*** 

 

Keiran: All right. So I'm glad to have David back on the podcast with us today. How's it going David?

 

David: Hi, good, Keiran and I'm glad to be back here as well.


Keiran: Right, right. You know David I was just thinking the other day. I was - I'm researching into either going - I'm going to move to Korea, move back to Korea again in the year.

 

David: Okay.

 

Keiran: Or possibly back to Russia.

David: Ooh.


Keiran: And I started to remember when I was living in Korea the first time there were so many things, small things that I missed.


David: Uh-hmm.

 

Keiran: That I couldn't get while I was over there.

 

David: Okay, so things that you could easily get in Canada but were almost nonexistent in Korean or very difficult?

 

Keiran: Right, exactly. Did you ever have that experience living abroad where all of a sudden, like you just realize these small things that you had once in your life time, you never appreciate and now you've found it really hard to get by without them?

 

David: Yes, it's usually when I'm not prepared.  As an Australian I always take Vegemite with me when I travel because I know no other country will eat it so... [laugh]

 

Keiran: Yes. [laugh]

 

David: I keep my own stock.

 

Keiran: By the way can you explain to us what Vegemite is? Because I remember the first time I heard about it, I had never heard of it before.

 

David: Okay. It's a paste. It's dark, very dark brown, almost black. You spread it on your toast or you spread it on bread to make a simple sandwich. The big mistake people make with it is that they think it is sweet and they think you can put a lot of it on the bread. No, this is as salty as hell. But some reason we love it. It's a yeast based extract. And I think Australians love it because it's what we're fed as children with it, Vegemite sandwiches and we grow up having Vegemite on toast, but we know to spread it very, very, very thinly just to get that salty taste on top of the butter.

 

Keiran: Right, right. Okay.

 

David: You can't slather on of course.

 

Keiran: So aside from Vegemite, what did you find hard to get by without when you were living abroad?


David: One thing I really remember when I was living in Slovakia right on the Slovak Czech border, I was looking for peanut butter. And I realized after hours and hours of searching in many supermarkets that I couldn't find peanut butter anywhere and I had to ask my friends in both countries, in Slovakia and the Czech Republic. I had said like,"Guys, where do you keep your peanut butter? What's happened? It doesn't exist?]


Keiran: Yeah, yeah. [laugh] It's just kind of something you take for granted that peanut butter is everywhere when it's not, right?

 

David: Exactly. And it turned out it's a seasonal thing.


Keiran: Ah.

 

David: Yes. So, it will turn up for - every few months it will turn up in the supermarkets and then it sells out, disappear, supermarkets have nothing for a few more months so it comes in waves. That was an interesting experience just to realize that, yes, peanut butter was not available.

 

Keiran: Yes, I guess you became aware of your fondness of peanut butter during that time.

 

David: Exactly, so what's something that you missed when you when you were in Korea?


Keiran: Well this is funny. This is not actually something I really missed but I think people around me missed, this sounds strange but I actually have no - my nose doesn't really work. I don't have a sense of smell.

 

David: Okay.

 

Keiran: And I remember when I, you know, when you start to become, I guess when you go through puberty and you start to - your body starts to change, kids, at least in North America and I think most other parts of the world start to wear deodorant because they start getting quite stinky, right?

 

David: Yes or smelly.

 

Keiran: [laugh] Right but the weird thing is in South Korea you can't - they don't use deodorant.

 

David: Okay.

 

Keiran: They don't have it in major department stores. I think, I'm not sure why but they just, they don't sweat in the same way that we do, something about their pores or something.

 

David: Wow.

 

Keiran: So, yes, I know. You seem confused like your face looks confused as I'm telling you this.

 

David: Exactly.

 

Keiran: So I went over there and I was there for a few months and then my deodorant stick ran out. And then I went to the store to go buy more but they don't have any because they don't use it.

 

David: Would they use something talcum powder or would they just wash very, very well? Like, I-

 

Keiran: They just don't smell. They don't smell strongly as, I guess.

 

David: [laugh] As we do.

 

Keiran: Other people around the world.

 

David: As we sweaty people do. Yes.

 

Keiran: Yes, exactly. And so I had to travel to the - to Itaewon which is the-

 

David: Itaewon, yes, I know Itaewon, yes.

 

Keiran: It's like the little hub of all the people from around the world who come to live in Korea. What's it called? I'm missing the word. It's like the expat hub.

 

David: Expats, yes.

 

Keiran: It's like the expat hub and that's the only place in Korea that I could buy deodorant. And it was at a very high price too. [laugh] Because they're the only place that had it, you know. So I'd have to pay more than I was used to paying for it.


David: Wow. Okay.

 

Keiran: Thought it's weird. But if you look up they have all these videos on YouTube like, what's it like dating like a Japanese woman or what's it like dating an Australian women or how to date Canadian women if you're Korean? And then if you ever get to the Korean and like foreigner videos they always say a lot of Korean men or women complain that their partners they smell a lot because they're just not used to the strong body odor that we have, I guess. 

 

David: Yeah, I wonder[?], I mean it could be genetics or like do you think maybe it's a diet thing?

 

Keiran: No, I think it's a genetic thing. I'm pretty sure it's a genetic thing.

 

David: Okay, I've never clicked on that because I had swung through Korean a couple of times and spent a couple of weeks on my way through but I still had my deodorant stick at the end of my journey. So, yes, that never became a necessity. I was, yes, quite surprised about that.


Keiran: Yes. So again I didn't really miss it because I can't smell but I think people around me missed that I didn't have it. [laugh]

 

David: They noticed. Wow. So is there anything that you, well now you're back home, is there anything that you miss from Korea?

 

Keiran: Oh, yes, for sure. I just miss the food. Korean food is just so great.

 

David: Is this the street food or just the restaurant food or both?

 

Keiran: It's everything and it's not even the food it's also the service. Like when you go into a restaurant in Korea, you're served immediately and you pick what you want and they bring it to your table and most Korean restaurants, it's cooked right in front of you.

 

David: Oh yes, yes, yes. Yes, we still keep that tradition in some of the new Korean restaurants here in Australia.

 

Keiran: Right, right. And that's great. And it's, it feels just better than when you go to, like another restaurant in North America and you got to sit there and then you get your menu and then they say "Do you want a drink?" and then they come back five minutes later and take your order and then you wait for thirty minutes and there it's just, it's immediate and you get served and your eating, right?

 

David: Cooking in front of you.

 

Keiran: Yes.

 

David: Nice.

 

Keiran: What about you? Is there anything you miss now that you're back at home from the foreign country you lived in?

 

David: Yes, there was something and this is again in Slovakia, probably because I spent most time there. I liked how Slovaks treated lunch time as a serious matter. Like you - it was almost unthinkable to work through your lunch hour. If you would actually stop, you would leave the office or leave the business. If it's a small business you would actually close the business for an hour and you'd go to the local restaurant that have a daily menu special, which was incredibly cheap. You would literally pay about three or four euros and that would get you a starter soup, a main meal which is usually something with a lot of dumplings or sauce and probably even a drink on top of that for about three or four euros. And, yes, it was just such a lovely break in the middle of the day. It made you feel like, yes, this is - it's not all about work.

 

Keiran: Yes and that's how it should be. You shouldn't be encouraged to shovel your food down your throat as quick as you can.


David: Yes.

 

Keiran: Before you get back to another four hours of work.


David: Yes, I think-


Keiran: Like it's...

 

David: Yes, I had a discussion with one of my students there about take-away coffee and, I mean it exists in Slovakia but it's not really the thing you do because again, if you have to take away your coffee or you have to work while drinking your coffee there's something wrong. Why do you have to work so hard?


Keiran: Right.


David: Don't you have the time to actually sit down and enjoy a coffee?


Keiran: Right, exactly.

 

David: So, yes, this take-away coffee hasn't really take an off in Slovakia.


Keiran: No, that's good. [laugh]

 

David: Yes, it probably is . Yes.

 

Keiran: All right guys, we're going to wrap this up. So thank you David for coming on here and discussing with me about things that you missed while you were both living abroad and at home.

 

David: It's a pleasure being here?.

 

Keiran: Yes and why don't you guys join us in the Facebook group under this podcast that we're going to post. Just post a few things that you miss while you've been traveling abroad. Tell me and David what you missed when you were traveling or what you missed now that you're back at home.

 

David: Yes, we'd love to hear them.


Keiran: Right. All right guys. And that's it. So we'll catch you on the next podcast of Uncensored English.

Oct 1, 2016

On the drive up to Absolute Comedy in Ottawa we talk about the future, driverless cars, Oedipus Rex, and I ramble about some other shit. 

Sep 28, 2016

Sometimes you need to tell people to stop talking, we'll help you with that!

 

***Transcript***

Keiran: So, today on the podcast we have someone we haven't had on here for a while back on here. How's it going, Gabriel?

 

Gabriel: [coughs] Pretty good. Sorry, I've been out I've been really sick. Coming down from a really bad case of Mono, short for mononucleosis which is a degenerative disease that attacks your immune system but I've been recovering the last three months or so. 

 

Keiran: Gross. Is it mono something you get from being a slut and just fooling around with lots of people?

 

Gabriel: Yes, maybe. It's the disease of love, baby. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

 

Keiran: Great, man. We're glad that you're bouncing back from mono so what's new with you lately? Have you been up to anything, other the usual or...?

 

Gabriel: I was in school. Yes, I'm in school. I lector [?] a class and I hate the class so much and I was so hangover this Monday. What hangover means is I drank a lot of alcohol on Sunday and on Monday I felt so bad. I left the class and I dropped it for my schedule. 

 

Keiran: So, you dropped the class. You have less work now.

 

Gabriel: Yes, oh, yes. No, it was my only class so I have no school this semester.

 

Keiran: Was it not the only class you have to do to finish your university?

 

Gabriel: Yes, I hated it that much. There was no way I was going to pass this class. It was so boring and hard that I said, "I'm going to take the easy class", which is in January which I want to do initially, but I'll take the easy class instead of this home-boring, hard class with this Hillary-loving teacher. I'm guessing, I'm not...

 

Keiran: My wife is doing eight classes. 

 

Gabriel: That's crazy.

 

Keiran: I know and she also--

 

Gabriel: But they're all designing clothes, right? It's like, learning how to saw one on one or...

 

Keiran: A lot of our fashion design courses but she's also doing language courses which is really hard. I mean, she only start to learn English when she met me. It's one of those essay classes you had to do in citizenship [?], in university. She's doing those with basically really basic writing abilities. It's really tough for her but...We get to know your being lazy and enjoy. Enjoying, you're fucked. Can't handle one class. It's funny. 

 

Gabriel: It was honestly awful. They were basically just talking about none issues. They're talking about why are artist arted [?]. How's this not arted, that's not arted. It was like, "Oh my God. I don't care. I don't care about art. I don't care about Ivana Abramovic [?] or whatever stupid name is. 

 

Keiran: If you hate it, I mean, if you hate the class it means you will drop earlier, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, I'm just going to do comedy. I'm hosting McLean's on Sunday. It's going to be fun. Come on down folks if you're in the area.

 

Keiran: Yes, people around the world come to McLean's. Alright. Okay, let's get started with the podcast here today. Today, we're going to be talking about idioms or expressions that we use in English to tell people to stop talking. We want to be quiet. Let's just say, what's the first one that comes to your mind, the one that you think you say the most.?

 

Gabriel: "Shut up" is the most common one that I've heard.

 

Keiran: Okay and "shut up" is something you can use with anyone or all the time or what's...?

 

Gabriel: It's a bit rude. I mean, I tell my mom to shut up a lot but it's, I think I don't think you should tell your moms to shut up because they all might get upset. My mom gets upset at me every time I tell her to shut up, she's like, "I'm your mother. You came out of me," and I'm just like, "Aw, whatever lady." 

 

Keiran: I think it's a little bit of a rude word, right? The way I use "shut up" the most is to my dog.

 

Grabriel: Yes, it's true. Yes,yes, yes, a pet doesn't know. You just yell at a pet.

 

Keiran: Yes, the other night, my sister brought her dog over because they had to fumigate their house or something. Then at 9:30, the dog just supposed to start barking and I was just like, "Ah, shut up! Shut up you dumb dogs." And my dog's sleeping, I don't know.

 

Gabriel: They shut up.

 

Keiran: Yes, they did shut up. 

 

Gabriel: They understand it?

 

Keiran: Yes, they responded "shut up", man. It's great.

 

Gabriel: That's hilarious [?].

 

Keiran: I think the other way I use it is in a...not a library, in a movie theater. Every time I go, it's inevitable that someone will be talking behind me and eating popcorn really loud and I'll just go, "Shut up, God."

 

Gabriel: Really? I don't know. I'm kind of nervous to yell shut up it appears in a movie theater especially the type of people that make a lot of noise. You will see they're like that type of person. I don't want to say shut up to that type of person. 

 

Keiran: I mean, I always look first to make sure they're not bigger than me. 

 

Gabriel: Make sure like their weight?

 

Keiran: Make sure their weight or make sure that they're not more people than I am. Okay. So, shut up is rude. You can use it if you have that kind of relationship with your mom or with your dog. 

 

Gabriel: I yell shut up at my bird now. My live bird.

 

Keiran: You got to be careful with shut up though, right? You can't use it, really, all the time with anyone.

 

Gabriel: No. The entire opposite side of that is you could be really, really polite with asking people to quiet down. You can ask politely, "I'm sorry. Do you mind if you shut up or...?" no. You know what I mean. It's like, "Do you mind? You're making a lot of noise."

 

Keiran: Yes, that's probably the better approach to the movie theater situation too, right?

 

Gabriel: That's true. 

 

Keiran: Just turn around, go, "Guys, do you mind? I paid $10 to watch this movie. It's started. Can you stop talking, please?"

 

Gabriel: Yes.

 

Keiran: Right. So, "do you mind?". "Do you mind?" is the polite way or you just say "Could you guys be quiet"? What about other expressions. Do you have any other ones that you ever heard or you ever use a lot?

 

Gabriel: My dad says "cork down" a lot.

 

Keiran: "Cork down", you mean "cork it"? Put a cork in it?

 

Gabriel: Yes, yes. Sorry. My dad says "put a cork in it."

 

Keiran: That's one that my dad says. The other day we were having dinner and my daughter wanted to have a chocolate. We have this box of chocolates and my mom was like, "Well, you can have a chocolate if you have one more carrot and one more cucumber and a piece of broccoli, you can have one chocolate." My daughter just looked really annoyed by that and I told my daughter, "You know what, Michelle, in 20 years we can go see grandma in the retirement home and bring a box of chocolates." Then, when she asked her one, you could go like, "Well grandma, you can have a chocolate if you have one more carrot, one more cucumber." My dad was like, "Keiran, put a cork in it."   

 

Gabriel: It sounds so funny.

 

Keiran: He thought I was being rude but I don't know. I know it was pretty funny thing to do but...Who says "put a cork in it" in your life? Is it your dad?

 

Gabriel: No, I was making fun of you. 

 

Keiran: You're making of fun me, thanks. Good, dumbass.

 

Gabriel: Corked it.

 

Keiran: We said "shut up", "put a cork in it", "do you mind?". Do you have any other ones that come into your mind?

 

Gabriel: You can say "excuse me". I guess it's also "do you mind".

 

Keiran: Yes, it's a polite way of "excuse me".

 

Gabriel: [inaudible] You said "simmer down" but I don't know anyone's ever said that, ever. Maybe in the UK.

 

Keiran: "Simmer down", yes. "Simmer down" and "pipe down". Like "simmer down" and "pipe down", they're not really telling someone to stop talking. They're telling someone to make less noise, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, it's true, yes. Keep it down or even like take it easy. 

 

Keiran: Right. There are some, maybe a school teacher like, "Simmer down kids. We're in the library. We can't make too much noise." The one I remember from elementary school is when my, the teachers would turn the lights off to get people to be quiet and then after a little while the kids would start talking again then the teacher would be like, "Guys, zip your lips and then lock it and throw the key away."

 

Gabriel: Oh, my God. 

 

Keiran: Did you ever hear that one?

 

Gabriel: I guess so. I have in cheesy cartoons or remember Austin Powers the movie? Dr. Evil was like zip it, zip it. That's a good one. 

 

Keiran: Yes, like, zip it. Zip it. Who is he saying it to?

 

Gabriel: Everybody I think or his son, Seth or I remember, Scott.

 

Keiran: Right. Scott, zip it. That's all I got in my mind, man. What's the funniest way you've ever told someone to shut up or the funniest situation you've yelled bad at people?

 

Gabriel: When you're like, I'm trying to think. When someone gets really, really mad at you and then...it's almost like you don't even realize they're getting that mad at you so you just say like, "Come on, there. Relax," and they get even more angrier after you say relax to them. If you say that to a boss or something, or someone that employs you, if you tell a boss to be quiet, they get so angry. It's like...yes.

 

Keiran: Yes, I got fired for that. 

 

Gabriel: Isn't that stupid? They get so, "Relax? Relax, really, relax? The opposite.

 

Keiran: It's an ego thing. They're like, "You can't tell me to relax. I am the one who tells you."

 

Gabriel: I'm like, "Come on dude. Be quiet." I guess it's similar to being quiet is like to relax. Calm your nerves or your temper or like...It's like implying to stop making noise. 

 

Keiran: Yes, it's telling them to shut up with a different word or telling them to just calm down. I remember when I worked in an Italian Supper Club and they had this new bar that was outside. I was closing it up and you had this plastic windows you had to roll down at the end of the night and I was rolling it down and then the lowest manager in the totem pole was like, "K, you're rolling it down from the wrong side." I stopped rolling it down so I could go do it on the other side but he was wasted and was like, "K, you roll it...K! You're rolling it down from the wrong, K! You're rolling it..." He said it like seven times and I was just like, "Fuck! I heard you the first time, man." Then, they had a meeting about me that I was not invited to.

 

Gabriel: Loser.

 

Keiran: I know. All six managers had a meeting and they were like, "Kieran, we're going to let you go." I just said, "All right, whatever."

 

Gabriel: He was calling you K?

 

Keiran: Yes, they called me K. 

 

Gabriel: That's so weird. 

 

Keiran: They're too lazy to say the whole name.

 

Gabriel: It's not like a good name for you to use the first letter. It just sounds like a drug.

 

Keiran: We'll going do all this and play, man. 

 

Gabriel: Yes, that's it. 

 

Keiran: All right, man. Let's recap this. We talked about "shut up", "do you mind?", "put a cork in it", "pipe down", "simmer down" and zip your lips and "zip it". Which is the most polite one people can use to tell other people to be quiet?

 

Gabriel: I'd say, start with "do you mind?".

 

Keiran: All right and from do you mind, where do we go?

 

Gabriel: I guess from "do you mind" would be "simmer down", sounds kind of dorky [crosstalk]

 

Keiran: It's kind of friendly, right?

 

Gabriel: Yes, and then "zip it", sounds like, I don't know. It's not bad but you know...

 

Keiran: It's kind of funny. 

 

Gabriel: If you were tell a guy in the bus to zip it, and the guy would, "You sort of...", He'd like you wouldn't want to know if he wants like, he could ask or not. He would like, "I don't know. Is he telling me to zip it?"

 

Keiran: Right. Everything you do is like an Austin Powers like reference him in...So, "do you mind", "simmer down", "zip it".

 

Gabriel: I guess "shut up" is the worst.

 

Keiran: Yes, "shut up" is the worst and "put a cork in it" is kind of crude. It's probably below "shut up" and then "shut up" is just the most like, "I don't give a shit about what you think just stop making noise, please."

 

Gabriel: Yes. You can even add like, "Shut the fuck up," in there. 

 

Keiran: That's not for your mom. 

 

Gabriel: No. "Shut the fuck up, stupid."

 

Keiran: That's for your dog when your mom's not in the house or something. 

 

Gabriel: Or you feel like you finally want to kick your dad's ass. You're like, "I'm tired shut your ass up."

 

Keiran: When does that happen? I don't know. I've never tried it, I think I could not kick my dad's ass. He's bigger than me, man. 

 

Gabriel: Thanksgiving 2008. [inaudible]

 

Keiran: It's the end of Keiran's life. All right, Gabriel. We're going to wrap it up. Do you have anything else you want to say to the people of the world who you haven't spoken to in a while?

 

Gabriel: You can send me emails at gabomassi@gmail.com, let me know how much you enjoy me. G-A-B-O-M-A-S-S-I at Gmail dot com. Send me an email like a quest finding with people from the internet. You could ask...you know. 

 

Keiran: Is that your real email? 

 

Gabriel: Yes, gabomassi@gmail.com.

 

Keiran: Yes. You just gave that to hundreds of people so.

 

Gabriel: That's amazing. 

 

Keiran: If you want to send Gabe an email, you can. If you want to spam him or send him like viruses to fuck off his computer, you can do too. 

 

Gabriel: Send me an email and I'll read on the podcast next time if I get any and then I'll, I don't know. I'll send you like an autograph, picture or whatever. 

 

Keiran: Yes, we can do an interview session with Gabriel. You can ask him personal questions or something. All right, man. Thanks for coming on the podcast and helping us out. 

 

Gabriel: Yes, no problem. It was a lot of fun. 

 

Keiran: All right, and if you guys enjoyed Gabriel, he's been on several other podcasts, you can check them out. The first podcast he did with me though is how to use the word "fuck". I think the third one how do you use the word "shit".

 

[end]

Sep 26, 2016

When I became certified to teach English they told me not to use children's book, movies, and tv shows. They said it was condescending. So I guess today I'll be condescending to you... let me know if you've found it useful!

 

*** Transcript *** 

 

Keiran: Hello everyone. Today on Uncensored English, I'm inside a tent with Michelle Leilani. How are you doing, Michelle?

 

Michelle: Good.

 

Keiran: What are we about to do?

 

Michelle: We're going to read some books.

 

Keiran: What book we’re going to read?

 

Michelle: We're going to read Miss Scary.

 

Keiran: And before we read the book I wanted to tell you guys that when I was taking my, what was it called CELTA Course, he told us not to read or show students kids' books or kids' cartoons because it was insulting or rude to the adults there. We're going to read this book and I want you guys to let me know what you think. Was there anything that you could have learned from this book?  All right. Are ready to read the book Michelle?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Before we read the book can I ask you a few questions?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Okay, what is your favorite color?

 

Michelle: Pink.

 

Keiran: Why?

 

Michelle: Because it's whiter and a little bit white.

 

Keiran: Okay, if you were any animal, what animal would you want to be?

 

Michelle: I want to be a giraffe.

 

Keiran: Why would you be a giraffe?

 

Michelle: Because then I have my neck and I could reach the leaves and eat them.

 

Keiran: You want to eat leaves?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Why? They’re not yummy.

 

Michelle: But you know giraffe eat leaves.

 

Keiran: Okay. Are you scared of monsters?

 

Michelle: Yeah.

 

Keiran: What kinds of monster are scared of?

 

Michelle: Every monster.

 

Keiran: Okay. And what's your favorite thing to do when you're at home?

 

Michelle: My favorite thing is to spend time with my daddy, mommy.

 

Keiran: Ohhh. You’re such a cutie pie. Okay, let's read the book.  The book is called?

 

Michelle: Mr. Scary.

 

Keiran: No.

 

Michelle: Misis Scary.

 

Keiran: Little Miss Scary.

 

Michelle: Scary.

 

Keiran: Okay, open the book please. Let's read it. Little Miss Scary. "Little Miss Scary lived near the top of a mountain in a house called ‘Spooky Cottage’. When it was dark she would creep into the valley below, making sure that nobody saw her." Okay, next page.

 

Michelle: [inaudible] please [inaudible]

 

Keiran: No you hold it, okay? I'll hold it. Give it to me. Easier[?] [inaudible]. "And there she would wait very quietly until somebody came along. And when that somebody did, she would tiptoe up behind them, open her mouth wide and shout, BOO!” Is that a nice thing to do?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Keiran: And do you know why Little Miss Scary did this for fun. You see she loved to scare people more than anything else in the world. And she was very good at it. “She scared them stiff. BOO!”

 

Michelle: Look! There's a bug in here.

 

Keiran: It's okay. We’ll get it after. "She scared them out of their wits, BOO! She even scared them right out of their socks, BOO!" Who's that in the picture?

 

Michelle: Mr. Jelly?

 

Keiran: Is his socks falling off because he's so scared?

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: Oh my God. That's crazy.

 

Michelle: Crazy-Daisy.

 

Keiran: Crazy-Daisy. "About a week ago Mr. Noisy went to see his friend Mr. Jelly. Mr. Noisy was worried because he hadn't heard from his friend for ages. When he got to Mr. Jelly's house, he knocked on the door. Spookily, the door swung open by itself. “Hello?”, called Mr. Noisy as softly as he could, which for you or me would have been a shout. Then he heard a chattering noise coming from the bedroom. Mr. Noisy found Mr. Jelly hiding under his bed his teeth chattering in fear. “Whatever's the...”, began Mr. Noisy. And then remembered himself, “Whatever's the matter Mr. Jelly?” “It's-it's-it's Little Miss Scary," chattered Mr. Jelly trembling in fear.  She-she-she-she keeps jumping out and shouting b-b-b-b-boo at me. Mr. Noisy made Mr. Jelly a cup of tea, calmed him down and told him what they were going to do. Just as it was getting dark, they hid behind a bush, behind the lane that led up to Mr. Jelly's house. They waited until they saw the Little Miss Scary's shadowy figure creeping past them. Then, Mr. Noisy and Mr. Jelly crept out from their hiding place, tiptoed up behind Little Miss Scary and at the tops of voices shouted, BOO! Now, the top of Mr. Noisy's voice is a very loud place, indeed. So loud that Little Miss Scary leaped 5 ft. in the air and when she came down, she ran for her life. She didn't stop running until she was hidden under her bed, in her bedroom, in Spooky Cottage at the top of the mountain. 'I don't think you'll be seeing so much of her for a long while, Mr. Jelly," chuckled to Mr. Noisy. "Mr. Jelly? Mr Jelly?" But there was no sign of Mr. Jelly either. Mr. Noisy chuckled again and walked back to Mr. Jelly's house to have a look under Mr. Jelly's bed." So Michelle, what did you think about that book?

 

Michelle: Good.

 

Keiran: Why was it good?

 

Michelle: Because it was and because my books are good because they're so sweet.

 

Keiran: And have you ever scared anyone like me Little Miss Scary did?

 

Michelle: BOO!

 

Keiran: Okay, not me. Did you scare anyone else?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Keiran: Did you ever scare your grandfather when he came home from work?

 

Michelle: With you.

 

Keiran: Yeah. What did we do?

 

Michelle: Um I was on the floor but he came in, we did BOO!

 

Keiran: Yes and where we're hiding?

 

Michelle: I don't know.

 

Keiran: [laugh] Okay. All right.

 

Michelle: [inaudible]

 

Keiran: That's the end of this story and this podcast, guys. This one was purely entertainment. I'm sure you could have gotten something out of the story though, even though that story is meant for kids. There's a lot of nice words and interesting language in it. So if you liked it, rate it, review it, let me know and maybe somehow I'll be able to get Michelle back on here. Michelle, how much do I have to pay you for this podcast?

 

Michelle: One dollar.

 

Keiran: More.

 

Michelle: Ten dollars.

 

Keiran: One million. Say one million dollars.

 

Michelle: One million dollars.

 

Keiran: Oh my God. One million dollars.

 

Michelle: Yes.

 

Keiran: How come?

 

Michelle: Because that - because that.

 

Keiran: Because that what?

 

Michelle: I don't know what.

 

Keiran: [laugh] All right. All right, say good night, Michelle.

 

Michelle: Good night [inaudible].

 

Keiran: And-

 

Michelle: I wants to read another one.

Keiran: Yes, that's one just for me and you. And we'll catch you next time on the next podcast of Uncensored....

 

Michelle: English.

Sep 24, 2016

A student of mine pointed out a logical falacy with an expression we learned so I decided to talk about this on the podcast in case other language learners are making it. Also we discuss the deplorable ongoing phenomena of police shootings in the USA.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVPRahUuMqU Shooting video footage.

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